[iamtwilight]

So, I was put on sick leave from January 2nd to February 29th. On Feb 29 I felt like I was able to pull through. Last week I still thought I could pull through.

But today I realised how weak I actually am.. How I try to move out but will probably end up going back to my rents' house. I used to think I would be better off if I had sick leave and could stay at my apartment and not have to handle my drunken dad, but now I think even that is better than this.

I feel like crap for some reason. Or maybe I'm just not paying the little one enough attention.

I hate my school. I hate that I have to interact with other people, I would much rather take courses in open university in business administration and sell my arts in the meantime. I plan to move to Sweden this fall so I've got to do at least something before that.

It just feels so hard to try and pull through... Each minute of school is just waiting for each class to be over. And the last ones are the toughest. Sometimes I don't even think I understand what the teacher is saying. It's hard for me to complete homework.

I just can't handle it. It is heartbreaking.. I wish every day that I didn't feel like this. I'm going to disappoint my parents again if I go on sick leave.. I'm going to have to see what my T thinks.

And I wonder if I can ever even go to Sweden because I can't even handle this?

I know I'm not crazy. But if I was crazy I'd have an excuse.

Oh, what to do, what to do. Life seems like an open road but I'm afraid of it. So very afraid..

Sorry I complain so much.. I just had to get this off my chest.

Thanks for listening.

Katie & Friends

[RozG]

((((((((((Katie))))))))))

Hang on in there, you can do it.

[EJ711]

Katie,

When you get near the end of completing a degree, most people do have a hard time paying attention in class, and are burned out from all the previous hard mental work it takes to be in college.

I teach college economics, and when we go through certain parts of the curriculum, I tell my students they may not feel like they will understand this part as I am lecturing. Sometimes it takes sitting down and really staring at the material in the quiet of your room.

I hope this helps.

EJ

[iamtwilight]

Many thanks to both of you.

I went to therapy after this and was told that these feelings were normal.

So, all is good. I feel better now.

[Kiya]

Katie - it's like you're writing the thoughts from my own head about making it in the world and the problems with school.
I am finally doing well in school because i am taking an online degree. I can go to "class" when ever i want, and study at my own pace.
I hope you can stay in your apartment - surely it is better than the home situation? can you get a place with a roommate so things are easier financially?

[iamtwilight]

Kiya, I was also thinking taking an online degree just might be the right thing to do.

I'm trying to go back to my apartment tomorrow. Hopefully things will work out. I'm already living with a roommate so financially the situation is ideal. Also, my parents are paying for the rent as long as I'm studying.

At least tomorrow I also get my computer so it won't be as boring.

[Kiya]

=) really hoping things work out for you!!!
Kiya

[carrie_]

i may be only 16 but i know how you feel.you just cant listen or understand what the teachers saying.school seems so pointless these days.as fif im going to live out the rest of my life and use it..but hang in there hope everything comes round for ya soon.
carrie

[Kiya]

hope things work out for you also carrie!

[iamtwilight]

Thanks Kiya. I hope so too.

And Carrie, you hang in there as well. I'll try and do the same!