[iamtwilight]

Okay. To clear a few things up, I'm the "core" person using the online alias Katie Kaboom, and have an alter named Katie. We'll call her "KT" to avoid confusion.

So last night I was talking to my boyfriend and switched and when I switched back, I realised it was KT who had been talking to him while I was "in the background". And dang. I was t e r r i f i e d.

She is perfect. Outgoing, socially poised (is that the right term?), straightforward, not afraid to speak her mind, and she was interested in my boyfriend's issues and talked to him about them.

Guess how terrible I felt when I was back to my old depressed self again? I wouldn't have been able to talk to him like that. I told him that I switched, that KT says hi.. and that I was sorry for acting weird. He was all "okay". Argh.

Ahhhh. If anyone ever feels this way, it would help. I feel really weird and stupid for this.

[wanttoheal]

One of the hardest things for me to remember is that it's all me, especially when I can't remember or don't have control. I can accept the bad stuff pretty easily but find something good that "I" have done unaware and I'm the first to deny it.

KT is still a part of you. Maybe we can keep reminding each other that so that one day we can accept all the parts that make us an "us".

I'm so glad your boyfriend was understanding about it (as he should be ). As you heal and grow, hopefully you'll have more awareness of things going on and the ability to have more of a say in things.

yes I have had this happen to me.... I have a very fun loving alter... and she brings out the best in everyone...

so yes.. I know hard it is to get used to....

so far... I have just come to accept... or perhaps in some way welcome my fun loving alter...because she is me too..

((((much care)))

[Rhapsody]

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Katie_Kaboom said:

So last night I was talking to my boyfriend and switched and when I switched back, I realised it was KT who had been talking to him while I was "in the background". And dang. I was t e r r i f i e d.

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Yes, I understand this scenario all to well and lived it if often...... I used to be scared to tell any one about it at first as I did not quite understand what was going on when I knew an alter was present and yet I was in the back ground witnessing it all and not able to stop the interaction or to speak up....... I am better with it now after dealing & coping with the way my DID works for the last eleven years of our life.

[Kiya]

yep - like all the posts... yes i get that a lot too... and yes, it is all "me" even if i switch... their all still part of me... just with different facets... think of a crystal with multi facets - all are there and beautiful and all make up the whole.

[iamtwilight]

Many thanks for the reassurance. It was needed. (((everyone))) I really don't know what I would do without this place

My boyfriend came up with this (speculated) theory:
"Maybe some or all of the alters in a way represent the extreme of one (or more) of the core's personality trait(s) and the associations that the core has towards people who have that kind of dominant personality trait. I don't mean that there is only one dominant personality trait in each alter and that they are extremely one-dimensional, but more like it's a personality trait(s) of the original core that gets more focused in one alter."

-heart sinks- "What did I do to deserve this?" (also another difficult thing - to accept that you're worthy of something good)

I guess he was implying the same as you guys - that she is a part of me (though to be honest, I don't feel like a "core personality" - I'm just out the most). I still find it quite difficult to accept because I wish I could be like KT - strong. But when I think of the abuse to which she is connected - that situation really required strength.

I look forward to the day when the system can work together - it seems that there are a lot of assets in this system.

[Kiya]

yeah, likewise, i don't feel like a "core personality" either... just out the most. and really, often i am a blend of 2 or 3.