[beadlady29-old]

we have an alter, Mary Sue........the rest of us hate her......she hates us...............she is bent on destroying us.......................

have to stay stronger than she is............she is so powerful..............can't let her win because she will destroy us and ruin everything the rest of us have worked for.......................

feeling so weak and tired...
tired of fighting
tired of struggling
tired of hurting

have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and breathe..........

does it ever get better where we can all learn to get along?

breathe in, breathe out, feet on the floor, count colors....................

will any of us stop hurting so bad, ever?

will any of us EVER feel safe

breathe in, breathe out, feet on the floor, count colors.....................

searching for hope in this deep black hole surrounded by nasty funk, we're floating in the funk, don't want to drown in it.............getting harder to "hang on"

is it possible to climb out of this black hole and find light,,,,,its so illusive..................light that don't go away

terrified, shivering........................................................................

suffocating in the nasty stuff the flashbacks won't go away

[Kiya]

hang on tight out there. hopefully others will gain more control and the fighting will ease. you can stay strong. you can do it. you and the others can get through this.

[beadlady29-old]

thanks Kiya.
well, its like this, right at this moment i'm wondering "why are we even trying" but in better moments we do know that we have to keep holding on for hubby and Boo..............mind is not in a good spot right now............very frustrated and worried, beadlady29

[sabby]

(((((((((((( beadlady29 )))))))))))))))

Sorry you are going through such a struggle. I'm sure it's very difficult for you and the others to continue fighting against a strong one.

Good for you for trying to ground and stay in the present. It's not always easy is it. Do you have some soft music that you can listen to....maybe sit and write for a bit.......watch a fun movie that the littles might enjoy....do some coloring or drawing maybe?

I hope you get through this time quickly and are feeling better soon.


sabby

[beadlady29-old]

Thanks sabby

we do try to listen to music, etc........just can't seem to find that SAFE place in our head these days. in fact not much of anywhere.............

had a awful night last nite - tried so hard to lay in bed w/ hubby but just couldn't do it - triggers, flashbacks and didn't even know ehre she was or what going on around her.............hubby of course finally got fed up and not so happy...................finally just got out of bed ( nothing new there)..........

we'er all really scared, not just of HER but in general and of others and everything.............

[Kiya]

how are you today???

[iamtwilight]

(((beadlady)))

Wondering the same as Kiya.

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((((beadlady)))))))))))))))
Thinking of you. Hope things have calmed down.

[beadlady29-old]

(((((((((((((((Kiya, Katie Kaboom, wanttoheal))))))))))))))))))

Thanks for caring ye all. Unfortunately, STILL not doing so well again today.....still all of the above and worse.................HER still trying to gain upper hand..can't let HER do that

Saw potential new T yesterday and "old" T today.........still beating our head up against a brick wall

Thanks to whoever suggested not to burn bridges (don't remember).........we didn't and are glad of it

Loss for words right now

beadlady29

loss for emotions, peace etc. too

[wanttoheal]

Hi beadlady,
I just wanted you to know you are thought of today with hopes that you are doing better.

[Michelle1Allisa]

I am glad today is better you. I understand the bad days.

[Kiya]

(((((((((((((beadlady))))))))))))))
hoping today is better - even a little. How are things?
kiya