Newcomer needing some input

I'm trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with me. Alright, well I already know I'm depressed, that's a given BUT in recent months new things have been popping up. For example, I've started to lose a grip on time and reality.
Let me explain: Everything is lacking a certain 'reality' to it. I often have to stop and think, "Did that really just happen?" Not in the "Oh my God! I can't believe this just happened! Best thing ever! YEAH BABY!" way. It's the, "Am I actually awake?" kind. When I ride home from school everyday, I stop for a second and honestly ask myself, "Did I go to school? What have I been doing all day?" I know I've attended school and gone through the motions of a "normal" school day but it DOES NOT FEEL LIKE I DID. Even things I did/said minutes ago feel like veryveryvery distant memories.

I "zone out" too much for my own good and often tune everything out. Today in class, I was zoning and staring at the carpet and slowly, the sounds and surroundings started to melt away and all I could see was the carpet and-this is going to sound crazy- but it looked like it was breathing. (I wasn't on drugs by the way.)

I'm very restless in my current state and am trying to find out who I am but that's a normal teenage thing. Although, trying to find myself seems to cause me a lot of turmoil and heartache. Often, I just feel hopeless and like no one understands me. They really don't though, I don't have any friends who I can talk to about this. They're all happy. It sucks. I'm the "crazy friend".

I feel very isolated, even though I'm surrounded by people most of the time.

Whenever I'm acting confidant or outgoing, I'm freaking out and having a breakdown on the inside.
I'm confused.

I was wondering if I had a dissociative disorder or if anything I described here was similar to any of your experiences. I just want to get help so I can start living again.

Hi Estrelly!
Welcome to PsychCentral.

The dissociative line is continuous and one can be anywhere on that line. If you are struggling with depression, that can add to it.

Do you have an opportunity to see a counselor or therapist? Would your parents be open to you seeing one?

It's hard to say exactly what's going on for you but since it is disrupting your quality of life, my advice would be to see someone that could help you work through things.

Stress and anxiety can also add to dissociation. Being a teenage is hard in today's world, I think.

Here is a link that talks about dissociative disorders that was posted here:
Understanding Dissociative Disorders

It definitely sounds like you need some support. If parents are not willing to get you to a therapist, perhaps you can talk to your school counselor

Best of luck to you Estrelly. There is a lot of good support here. Please keep posting.