.

part is trying to post - rest of brain numb and doesn't want to. i know today at work things got strange cuz the words that were said happen to be the name of the upper destructives. so there was chaos within and panik behind htat. i know i stood with mhy back tho the wall for a while until there were less ppl. was in panick mode and holding a pressure point for such stress. have had headache the rest of hte day - think free's post talked about those from alters comeing and going. not much pain - but a mgraine all the same, with the pain at the back and mostly disoriented and sick. like a vice grip on my head.

liket hey still trying to tell me whcu i don't want to hear. don't want to let know. let be knwosn. sorry - switching bad - can tell when i can't type right. trying to let part communicate without being annowying. ach no good.

I am sorry that you switched in school today. That can be so hard. I am glad that you knew it was happening and what was going on. I am sorry the migraine came with it. That is so rough. Maybe parts of you feel they are ready to be heard. Can you talk to your t about it?

BB

II am sorry too... it is hard to be switchie when in public in particuliar...

((((hugs))))

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bipolar_bear said:
I am sorry that you switched in school today. That can be so hard. I am glad that you knew it was happening and what was going on. I am sorry the migraine came with it. That is so rough. Maybe parts of you feel they are ready to be heard. Can you talk to your t about it? BB

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ty. was at lunch when that happened with k and 2nd. then the older kids came pouring in at the height of it.

i came close to telling t last wed. but was met with silence - coulng't get the wrods out. t said she ndersthood and that was the ptsd keeping me from talking... i saw the words in my head and felt the switch ready to happen if i spoke them. but i couldn't ... felt like i'd be hurting t with the posin that is in me. like no one can hear those things cuz it woudl hurt them too much to hear. or they would loke at me with pity which i don't want or they'd feel sorry for me and that would be worse. guess i gotta try - won't have any pease unless i get the posin out, will i? getting mini flashbak peices every day now. things i already know about - things i arealdy hda the major flashes of several years aog. but they keep coming up. guess they will till i get them out all the way. *curls up under covers at foot of bed*

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freewill said:
II am sorry too... it is hard to be switchie when in public in particuliar..((((hugs))))

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thans free... ya expecially when i am sposta be in charge. makes me feel like i can't possibly be in charge.

(((Kiya)))

Sorry this is happening. It is scary when all you ever wanted in your life was to be able to be in control, and you can't even be in control of your own body.... and everybody else can. Or so it seems. Makes it hard NOT to be bitter

Hope you can talk to your T sometime soon. Maybe it will help.

((((((katie))))))))
t actually sent me an email checking in and reminding me she is supporting me (since I sobbed throug all last session - something I've never done in there). I was amazed, surprised, and grateful for her note.

Whew, so much I relate to here. ((((((((((Kiya)))))))))))

I really want to respond to this, but just reading it made the noise in my head louder. I think it's triggering something.

I will try to respond later when things are a little more settled (stuff happening in my 3-D world that has my brain in an uproar).

Please take care.