Monday and rough week already... just feeling worthless, useless, how can I ever be a good father with how I am. I don't know who I am Lines are so prominent and so blurred at the same times... hard to put into words or explain, and I feel stupid because I whined all weekend and dug myself a hole

Went to therapy today, felt awful as soon as I got back but eased up a little now. Not doing anything deep yet, taking it easy-ish.

Keeping the journal up, or trying to at least... feels so weird, like I'm trying to meet myself, doesn't make sense Been edgy... really scared of crowds and calling people suddenly... it's weird. Phone rings and it freaks me out... makes it a pain to talk to people when I want to go out and I won't call.

So just typing that out, still feeling stuck in that hole but trying to distract myself a little now

[Kendyll]

Can't say much, but glad you're here.

((((((((((((((((((((Griffe & Pack))))))))))))))))))))

[multipixie9]

griffe and pack,

it is ok to say what you feel, but some of what you feel is based on lies. you can find a way to deal with almost anything "real" but lies have to be recognized and refused.

you are not as bad as you say. you put yourself down ruthlessly. you are deliberately kicking yourself when you are down. you would not treat any of us the way you treat yourself and that is just wrong. you need to be kind and say the truth to yourself, the real truth. (you just may need some help recognizing the real truth!)

i think you believe me when i say i care. i do care. i want to see you come to a place of peace with your life - the same thing i want - . talk to you soon
leslie and her pixies

[onlymedid]

I don't think you are worthless and I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with everything.

Journals can be really hard to do at times. I completely understand about if feeling like you are trying to meet yourself. I talked with T about this today. It is scary and so confusing.

At least you are typing it out rather than trying to keep it all inside. Keep typing if you need to.


BJ

[Kiya]

(((((((((((griffe)))))))))))

[sabby]

((((((((((((( griffe )))))))))))))

I see you making progress here. Yes it still feels yucky. It will probably feel yucky for awhile. But you are moving in a direction of healing now where before you were stuck in one place. It is scary and it is hard sometimes. But the prize is that in moving toward that healing, there will be times when you do feel better....you will see the lightbulb come on and you will have those "aha moments"

I'm proud of you for the changes you are making and the chances you are taking to help yourself. You deserve it!


sabby

Forgot I had posted this - could do with all these hugs today, thank you everyone.

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((Griffe))))))))))))) Hang in there.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( griffe )))))))))))))))))