[multipixie9]

My hubs, Phil has gone to Italy on business, since Wed. 7/16. I am having some trouble being alone.

I'm used to alone, since I am not able to work outside my home right now, but alone all day and all night is kinda harder.

My littles have pushed hard and the last 4 meals I've eaten have consisted of ice cream and cheetos. I just can't make myself find real food and eat it. My sleep is totally messed up and I feel very embarrassed that I'm acting like a baby and not a grown up.

I don't leave my house, or I haven't yet and he's gonna be gone for anywhere between 4 and 7 more days.

HOW DO YOU KEEP SAFE WHEN REGULAR SUPPORT/ STRUCTURE IS GONE?

Will you be my friends even if im stupid and do weird things? I don't have friends offline right now. We are just a bit tangled right now and our counselor is out of town too until next Thursday.

Thats all and probly more than we shoulda said.

Multipixie and the others

[bipolar_bear]

Welcome multipixie and others. I am glad you are here. I hope you find support here. Please feel free to keep posting or PM me anytime.

BB

[Kiya]

hugs if ya wannem and hope ur safe in the night. like can feel safe n stuff.
us

[JudeeB]

I've read what you have shared here and I sure don't see you as doing stupid things or being weird.

When our little ones surface they want to do things they like to do, like eat kid foods. Nothing wrong with that!

When my little ones were active years ago I bought them paper dolls, and my BF bought them stuffed toys. I'm sure people visiting wondered why I had a bed covered in monkeys and bears. Let them wonder. My littles needed nurturing and to feel like someone cared and that they mattered!

As I accepted them and came to appreciate the part of my life they had experienced I wanted to care for them and do things for them. Playing with dolls and eating ice cream was a small way to repay them for their roll in my survival.

My life became much more peaceful when I could accept them and feel real gratitude.

The folks here can understand what you are feeling. There is no need to feel embarrassed, none at all.

I got to a point in my journey where I had to set boundaries with them, but that could only happen when they knew I cared about them and wasn't trying to punish them or that I wasn't ashamed of them. Took years to get to that place. Be at peace with where you are today.

Your life might be different from others you know but it's yours and it can be OK.

Be kind to yourself and to the others.

Judee

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((multipixie9))))))))))
We're glad you're here.

A dear friend of mine once suggested this to me and when I allow myself to do it, it helps immensely. Maybe you can make a set time, evening, morning, whenever is best for you. Get out your coloring books and crayons, markers, paint, makeup, dollies, puzzles, favorite snacks- whatever you think young ones like in general (I found that I had these things without having to go out and get them just due to the nature of the beast). If you don't have any of that stuff, perhaps you can make a quick trip out?

Maybe you can just allow yourself the whole evening. Even though I have no inside communication that I'm aware of, what I had to do was be willing not to get upset if I lost the whole evening. For me, the truth is that I lose whole evenings/mornings/days a lot of the time anyway. Those things were getting used, pictures were being colored, puzzles done. The problem was that the more I was becoming aware of it, the more upset I was getting and the more upset I get, the more easily triggered I get, the more switching I do, etc.

I have found that when I have "scheduled" time where I tell myself that it's okay if these things happen, my brain is more apt to be calmer in the other times. When I am calmer, I am less triggered and it really seems to help me overall.

Maybe you can use this time while husband is gone to try this? And keep telling self that the support is not gone, just a little further away at the moment. And he's coming back. Please keep us posted as to how everything works out.

As for the other part of your post, definitely. We want to support you here and if there is anything we can do to help, please ask. I'm so glad you feel safe enough to post this. Please keep posting. We care about you and are glad you're here.

[multipixie9]

HI PEEPLS, THANK YOU FOR BEEN NIC TO ME. I LIK YOU TO.

I want to cut real bad. I just got an email from a "mentor". we've tried to eat together 3 times in last week and i messed up 3 times. he wrote me an emai that feels very manipulative and is blaming me like I want to mess up.

i havent been sleeping and i dont drive if i dont sleep cos i have a nice suv for one time in my life and i dont wanna brake it. damn. hes been nice longer than most anyone. i lost a friend last month and now i think hes gonna go and im so sad and angry. i lost my church that was important to me and a female mentor from there, she said my alters were demonic. stupid woman. what does she know about it. anyway.

i just want to cut and we dont cut anymore and i dont know what else to do. i feel like throwing up and i have no one to talk to cos its early here and who would i tell anyway. i hate being me today. i really do

Leah and Leslie - part of the group. damn singletons what do they know anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[multipixie9]

Thank you, Wanttoheal,

I appreciate your ideas and will see what I can do with them. Right now the idea of doing that makes part of me physically ill. Which sort of shoots the cooperation thing down in flames. I have stuffed animals and the art supplies are in lockdown and I'm not sure how to get the permission in her to get them out of the closet and play with them. I know I need to take care of my littles, but it sure stirs up my hornets nest when I try. My spouse doesn't accept me or them and I'm afraid I'll mess up and be a kid when hes home and make a big stinky mess. i love him and i hate being married and i cant manage on me own, oh damn, i ffeel like a big loser.
Multipixie9 Mess

[multipixie9]

I FORGOT I PROBLY SHOUDN'T SAY STUFF ABOUT CUTTING ON HERE.

I AM VERY SORRY IF I UPSET ANYONE OR TRIGGERED YOU. MY BAD. I WILL TRY N NOT DO THAT AGAIN. OK?

THE BAD PIXIE.

[multipixie9]

THANK YOU JUDEE B.

I THINK YOU ARE VERY KIND - IM NOT YELLING AT YOU, I JUST LIKE THE BIG LETTERS, THEY ARE EASIER TO READ.

MY HEAD HURTS AND I WANNA THROW UP. ANGER MAKES ME AFRAID OF MYSELF.

I'LL GO AWAY UNTI I CAN PLAY NICER. BY

BAD PIXIE

[multipixie9]

THANK YOU BI-POLAR BEAR AND KIYA, FOR THE HUGS AND LINK TO ART.

I WONT WRITE SO MANY EMAILS ANYMORE, BUT EVERYBODY WANTED TO WRITE TO DIFFERENT PEOPLES ON HERE.

MY TUMMY HURTS REAL BAD AND MY HEAD DOES TOO. IM SAD

GLOOMY PIXIE

[iamtwilight]

hugs to the multipixie gang if ok.

it's ok to post about cutting where you use the trigger icon. and in the one post you did mention about it, you had the trigger icon. so no worries!

wanttoheal had some great advice, i wish i could do that. but i don't switch very much right now so... (or at least i think idon't haha) well anyway, i hope you can find a way to communicate with the littles and make them feel comfortable using the stuff you have for them.

by the way when i first sought help for hearing voices inside my head i was told they were demons too! and they tried to help but i decided i don't want that, i don't believe in demons. then years later i came here and read about DID. it's a shame your husband doesn't believe it. is he in this church?

my sister is in some church though and she believes in DID.

argh i know i ain't helping much, but i'm wishing you all the best and sending you many positive thoughts. you're not bad, you may be gloomy but that doesn't make you bad.