[Monty_girl]

triggering rant

you know what can i say....i'm sorry you have a wife that doesn't know what the f is going on.......cant clean the house the way it should be........cant work and not able to walk out of the house without having a complete melt down....what can i say but i'm sorry........feel like any bit of a life i could of possibly had was taken from me....i have nothing.......i'm sorry that you have to "deal" with all my issues.......what am i supppose to do??........just a complete waste of space........dont think i will ever even be half way normal......just lock me in my room and throw away the key.......this is not a life this is a sentance!

[JudeeB]

(((((((((Lisa)))))))

I hear your pain and frustration.

Judee

[___Shadow___]

Monty Girl- it's not your fault your having trouble knowing whats going on.
what's so wrong with the why you clean the house?
You know- if you can( like I do because of same reason) work mostly SOMEHOW from in the home, what do you like doing?
It does feel like your life has been taken away from you, yes I know but there is a strength in you that will help you through this and you'll see how truely NOT a waste of space that you could never be!
Normal is boring. I know this is hard but really Normal isn't that fun from what i've seen.
I feel like 'throw away the key' thing too but we have to go thro this, find out why this is what we we're delt and somehow embrace all the good from it.
Somehow i know is hard and takes so long BUT you have to fight.
I'm very sorry if some of this doesn't make sense, trying but is still hard to get words out like this.

[Monty_girl]

Thank You Judee

I think frustration is the word here. I get so frustrated with always falling short, never able to make it. I almost get there, then it all falls apart. Gets to be tiring and not worth trying after awhile.

Thanks, Lisa

[Monty_girl]

Thank You Shadow

you made perfect sense.....I guess i should be ok with what i can do........well that's what my T says always.....hard to get that in my thick head

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((Monty))))))))))))) I'm so sorry things are so tough right now. I have been there and I know how hard it is not to give up sometimes. It often feels like a neverending situation but the truth is that there is hope. I think you've come a long way from a few years ago Monty. I know it's hard to see, but I think you have.

Please be gentle to yourself. You are doing the best you can. When husband says things or gets disgruntled, maybe just say, "I'm doing the best that I can." After that, walk away and let him deal with his reaction to that.

You are cared for here Monty. Please take care.

[multipixie9]

Monty Girl,

I've said the same things you said in here, especially about the house and melting down over doing things outside of my house. I hate feeling "incompetent" when I'm trying and just can't get stuff done.

I sympathize with the frustration and anger I hear in your words. Please be kind to yourself, as best you can. Ya know, I never get better when I cuss myself out and beat up on myself. I don't treat other folks that way and I want to get where I don't treat myself badly either, it doesn't help it only hurts me more.

I hope things get better soon, even if its just that pms time is over!.

((((((Monty Girl))))))))!!!

GRRR! I tried to get a smiley for you and it won't work. Sigh...I'm not techno-smart.

Leslie and Gentle Pixie

[Monty_girl]

Hi Leslie & Gentle Pixie

I'm not techno-smart either. I crash my computer a lot. I'm clueless when it comes to these stupid things. And it's like my brain just doesn't take in any new information what so ever. I have a hard time just talking IRL conversion. I put in words that don't belong. Just like my brain gets spitting out words on it's own. Like someone is finishing a convo from last week or something. Gets to be to hard to talk to anyone, so i just don't talk to ppl IRL. Think ppl believe i'm rud or something, just to hard to physically talk. just something to add to my frustrations.

i'm so so better. well at least i thought I was getting some better. but I started having visual hallucinations again. makes me want to close up even more.

[multipixie9]

Oh Dear,

That must make it very hard - to see hallucinations. I have only had those sometimes when medicine didn't work right with me. Sometimes I feel like pulling away and hiding. I used to say I want to be a hermit when I grow up. I grew up and I'm sort of hermit-like even though I'm married and have children.

I'm glad things are even so-so better. Maybe tomorrow will be better still. Do you know what causes the hallucinations? Are you ok to talk about that, if not, just pretend I didn't ask. Do you have someone you can talk to about the visual stuff? (((Monty girl)))

I care about you and all of us here on the forum. We need friends.

Leslie and Quiet Pixie