[kimmydawn]

I'm just so, so tired. trying to maintain everyone outside and inside all day, every day makes me so tired.

kim

[SweetCrusader]

((((((Kim)))))))

That is a lot of work. It's no wonder to me that you're tired!!

How was your holiday season?

*big hugs*
Angela

[nothemama8]

Kim do you have a safe place you can go for a couple of hours to get some rest away from the others, when it gets overwhelming for me I image sitting under a lilac bush and a warm spring day I float off to a dreamy state for a couple hours then feel better
Reah

[kimmydawn]

thank you (((((((((((((((((((( angela ))))))))))))))))))))))))

our holiday was stressful but wonderful. thank you. how was yours?

kd

[kimmydawn]

reah,

i think that's the main problem. i have to have alone time to "go inside" or "drift away". it's usually in the form of a very long, relaxing bath. however, i have no time or privacy for that anymore. need to do things for selves every day...can barely do them once a week. it's taking a toll.

one thing i could improve upon is...instead of cleaning, chattting, etc. when baby goes to bed, i could do my special things then for insiders. however, it's time i want for me as well to clean, chat, etc. don't have time for it all. when i don't do what i need to for selves, start shattering fast.

i have to figure something out. maybe stay up later and nap when he does. however, napping during the day i think would depress me more

i just don't know.

thank you for suggestions! be safe,

kd

[SweetCrusader]

KD,

Was it you that talked about going to a motel for a night once and just letting everyone have their time? I think it was. Anyway, that might be a good idea for you. Maybe you could have someone watch the baby for you just for one night. Maybe your husband could take care of that, or one of your daughters or someone. And you could have a night just for you and your insiders? I think that would be a VERY good idea. You all need it to avoid burn out.

My holidays were ok. A little stressful, but I am home now and am relaxing for a week until school starts up again

Love,
Angela

[kimmydawn]

how wonderful you have a relaxing week ahead before school starts! even wonderful vacas can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.

that's right about hotel! good job! 2 pts for angela's memory! he goes to the mother's house on friday nites. i may do that this week if still feeling like needing lots of time and not going to get it here. however, i still need to figure out something that i can do at least every other day for maintenance. i'm working on that.

i'm just getting depressed because the days are running one into another and not fixing self up as i did EVERY day. sometimes just take a bath to put lounging clothes back on i need to stop that. also, i need to get out more. i'm going to check out the local library for reading times for little ones...great for little man and get us both out of the house. i just need to manage the little time i have better i think.

also, so many ppls promised so much help and i'm getting very little...i knew it would be that way, but realizing it is still hard. i never could count on ppls to be there for me cause they always expect me to be there for them. "i'm SO capable"...right! that's why i'm on disability and see a t once a week, and so on and so on...these ppl in my life don't get it...

thanks for reminder. it's something to look forward to if we need it

be safe,

kd

[wisewoman]

Hey Sweet one, I wish I were there and it would be my joy to care for the baby so you could have time for yourself. I actually relax by playing with little ones. All of these ideas for time for you are good ones. it's just making the decision and doing it. easier said then done. Please take care of YOU and all of your selves.

[Malady156]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
i never could count on ppls to be there for me cause they always expect me to be there for them. "i'm SO capable"...right! that's why i'm on disability and see a t once a week, and so on and so on...these ppl in my life don't get it...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

i totally hear you. for years i was the only glue holding so many others together, and when i came apart there was no one there for me.

go ahead, lower your expectations a little on things that really don't matter -- like if it feels good to put your lounging pants on and be reclusive, just do it! you mentioned a new baby --? when i had my babies some very good advice did i get which was, let the housework go. enjoy the baby, get your rest, and pamper yourself. pick up what you can whenever, but as far as obsessing over constant cleaning, or even trying to be diligent? --just let it go. you don't gotta be martha stewart (and look what happened to her, LOL)

and remember, things will NOT be like this forever. it WILL end. time and change always have their way ...

be good to you.

~mal

[Kathyanita]

Malady156 may I say you sound like a pearl. There's nothing to add except I agree and go easy on yourself kd- it takes enourmous resourses to nurture so make sure yours are not tapped out and keep some in reserve for yourself.
Kathy

[kimmydawn]

mal,

thank you for relating. i don't have a new baby. i have a new toddler! my nephew came to live with me alomst four months ago now. i received a child without the benefit of pregnancy or preparation. My little man has added so much to my life...so much. The only thing i'm having a hard time managing is ... time. it's always been an issue for me anyhow.

i agree that it's fine to let things and myself go. it's advice i give others and i've done just that. however, it's been a while now and i'm getting depressed. i have to push myself to do anything. it's been a good 15 years since i've been this way for this long. just worried and need to do what i can to pull myself out of th is.

thank you again for the relation and good advice.

kd

[kimmydawn]

thank you, kathyanita. i'm trying to do just that. i wish other ppl in my life would let me! lol

be safe,

kd

[h0kie]

Kd...don't know much about your monetary situation, but what aboout hiring a housekeeper? Someone to come in once a week or once every 2 weeks or once a month to do the cleaning you don't have time to do.

I we had the $$$ I would do that. I can straighten stuff up...it's finding time to vacuum, scrub the floor, etc...

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((( 1day )))))))))))))))))

that's a good suggestion. however, i just quit my (good paying) job to stay home with the little man, so it's not something i feel i could do. i told hubby i wanted to stay home so i could take care of everything that i need to now, having a hard time doing it because of the depression.

i keep up on things around here and for everyone else. it's me and mine (inside) that desperately needs more attn than what we're getting. i'm working on trying to manage my time better when he's asleep, etc. there's just so much i want to do when he's asleep that i'm neglecting what needs to be done for the entire system

thank you for caring so much! i hope you're doing well?

kd

[silver_queen]

Kimmy, could your daughters help you in any way? - Such as bathing your little man and putting him to bed, helping you with the housework and with the meals, doing the shopping for you, etc. Is that a possibility for you?

I'm sorry you're feeling depressed . That feeling does suck. I hope you get some relief from it soon.

~ Silver.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((( silver ))))))))))))))))))))))))

thank you. it's good to hear from you!

my eldest doesn't live at home and has a full time job, fiance, wedding planning, etc. she doesn't have much time. i am going to ask her to help some while hubby is in florida for 10 days in february. that's about the most she can do. the youngest works a part time job, goes to school, etc. she helps when she can. hubby works daylight to dark and helps when he's here. i just feel bad asking any of them to help. they stay so busy and work hard themselves.

my mother gets him every tuesday for the afternoon (t day) and then again from friday to saturday. it's about the most she can do right now. there's no one else. his mother and father don't see him unless my mom has him. also, he has a really hard time when he sees them for too long...sleeping problems, etc, so i won't ask them to do anything for the baby's sake.

if i make it through being stuck in the house this winter, i'll be alright. we're going to check out library reading circles and then spring will be here also, when he's a bit older, he'll be able to attend head start or preschool. i just need to keep a cap on the depression for the next few months and i should be fine.

manage time and keep a cap on the depression...not too hard, right? hehe

be safe and love ya,

kd

[RhysMadison]

Is it possible to delegate jobs to the insiders & have set times for them to be out, exception of crisis or therapy of course? Or have a rule where such & such can't be done until another is done, like a chore around the house.
Hotel is a good bet for you. If you could find a hot tub suite you could relax in a hot bath while having privacy. Rates are low now 'cos it's off-season.
Take care of yourself(ves).
Love,
RhysMadison

[kimmydawn]

RhysMadison,

Thank you for the suggestion. I wish I could do something like that, but the communication here is not to that point I mostly learn things through journal, and now t. I wish we could set up some internal arrangements. That would be so awesome!!! There has been a truce called through journaling and some understanding, but that's about it.

Others are just now beginning to talk to t. Maybe the next step in working together? I hope so.

thank you again. be safe,

kd