[Luce]

I browse through these forums and have such a hard time believing I deserve any support here.

I am so dissociated from my own reality and what is going on in my life. The fact that I keep coming back here tells me that I *do* want to do something about it. But the everyday choices that I make point to something different.

I seem to live my life in denial. Cruise along, telling myself everything is fine. Maybe everything is. Sometimes I don't even know.

The fact is I don't think it is fine. I have moments when I am scared ****less by things that happen - things that make me think there is danger here. And then I dissociate it again, tell myself everything is fine and keep cruising along doing my thing. I can't break through my own denial. I can't stop the thought that it is all just a lie.

So, I am here. But I do not deserve to be. Because I am not committed to healing.
If I were, I would not be here, in this town.

I think I must be psychotic rather than dissociative.

That's all.

[clskrock]

Hope you feel better soon.

Hang in there.

Dennis

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Luce))))))))))))))))))))))) Everyone's path to healing is a bit different. Sometimes it takes a while for us to be able to grasp what has caused us to cope as we have. Please be gentle with yourself and in your time you will heal. I know it can be very confusing but you are trying to make sense of things. It will come in time. I am sorry it is so hard right now.

BB

[Kiya]

((((((((((((((((((Luce))))))))))))))))))))

[Luce]

Your words are too kind.

We left T last week. Only saw her a few times anyway, after a break of many years. We shouldn't have seen her. It just set her up to feel powerless all over again.

I hate my father. I need to leave here. If it were more real perhaps I could actually do something. But it is all cut up and nothing stays still and I can't hold any of it.

Life slips away like water through my fingers.

[Kiya]

(((((((((((luce)))))))))))))
i understand all too well.
be safe

[multipixie9]

luce,

i'm glad you came here, this place is not about deserving or not deserving. it is just about being a person who hurts and who wants to feel better. i want that and you do too.

i spent a long time denying my reality. it was hard to face the pain and pretending that made up much of my life. but, somehow i finally did stop pretending things were ok when they were anything but ok.

you are welcome here and i hope you keep coming back and let people here encourage you and share with you. it can get better. it's getting better for me... keep coming here

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((Luce))))))))))) I used to feel similar about being psychotic rather than dissociative. I used to think that I was so crazy and there was no hope. But since then I've realized that it can get better. Dissociative disorders are one of the disorders that has so much hope for a full recovery. Other disorders can be maintained but what we have can be healed. It's hard for sure, but it's possible. I think you do deserve support here, just like the rest of us. I have come to realize that my dissociative disorder was actually a life order instead of a death order. Hang in there Luce.