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#1
Dec 19, 2008, 11:44 PM
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How did it come to this?
stupid, stupid, stupid  I don't care if I don't belong here anymore don't care don't care don't care  |
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#2
Dec 20, 2008, 12:40 AM
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we are sorry you are feeling so low ((((((((((kaika)))))))))) we will stay here with you and wait until you are a little stronger and can once again stop butting up against the brick wall...we are here for you, and we listen well...here's hoping it won't be long before you can get unstuck from that place...Beth
__________________
True love exists when we lose ourselves to invest in the care of others. |
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#3
Dec 20, 2008, 01:54 AM
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(((((((((((((kaika))))))))))))))
 
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#4
Dec 20, 2008, 06:23 AM
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I don't know what happened but you do belong here. Always welcome here.
Hugs (((((((( Kaika ))))))))
__________________
 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#5
Dec 20, 2008, 06:58 PM
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((((((((((Kaika)))))))))))))
You do belong, you are always welcomed here, We are all here for you, do not worry, this is a safe place. I hope you are feeling better hun, Sparrow |
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#6
Dec 21, 2008, 04:27 AM
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kaika,
i am sending you a tempur-pedic square foam. insert it between you and the brick wall. you can keep it for next time or send it back in case i feel like banging my head on the wall. can you talk about why you are reacting so harshly toward yourself?? i'm getting pretty sleepy so i will say a prayer for you as i go to sleep and maybe by tomorrow you will feel a bit better. gentle hugs, leslie and her pixies
__________________
 HEALING HAPPENS
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#7
Dec 21, 2008, 02:15 PM
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Thanks everyone, I'm feeling better now that I've had some time to rest.
Denial + Not listening + over all rudeness = BIG BOOM (apparently) it's just troublesome though. Very much so. Why should I love something/someone/some part whose sole purpose (as has been explained multiple times) is to cause me hurt? Why should I believe in something/some one's/some part's true existence when not only is there no evidence of abuse in my life, but also none of the stories match up anyways? How the frigg am I supposed to trust my own head when it has lied to me over and over and over again? |
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#8
Dec 21, 2008, 02:31 PM
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Who explained this to you?
Sometimes it's better to trust ourselves than others... 
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#9
Dec 21, 2008, 02:31 PM
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Kaika, I wish I had the answers to your questions. Trusting is such a HUGE issue that it is difficult to look beyond that and see situations situations for what they are. Memories are not always the same...you can ask several people about the same thing and you will get as many answers, so what is perceived as not true may not be correct...just because someone said it wasn't that way doesn't make it false...to this day my mom denies ever being mean and overwhelmingly controlling, demanding, and unforgiving, yet all of us inside know that she was our #1 abuser. Just because a human says it can't be true, doesn't mean it isn't. We perceive things so differently than our brother. He says mom was an angel, and we must not have lived in the same house as he did because he didn't see the abuse happen...but it DID happen, right under our brother's nose, and he didn't see it. Accepting the parts that are so foreign to us, and want to do us harm goes a long way in beginning to trust. Fighting their existence, and their role played, is an integral part of learning to resolve the pain and abuse we continue to feel.
I am right here for you. I won't go away unless you ask me to, and will stand with you, sit with you, and be there for you to talk to anytime. You are safe here, and will always be. I know that it doesn't seem that way at times, but you are. I hope that you can rest in that right now during this season, and let those here be your strength and comfort. Crys
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True love exists when we lose ourselves to invest in the care of others. |
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#10
Dec 21, 2008, 07:40 PM
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I havn't told anybody except people here on PC. So...it's not like this is other people telling me this stuff. Just me
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#11
Dec 21, 2008, 08:38 PM
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Ok. We misunderstood. From your post, it sounded like you are having trouble accepting what is being told you, and it sounded like you were in contact with others around you who told you that the abuse never happened.
A couple of questions you might ask yourself are: do I have times where I don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you wore, or how you got there? Do you have items in your possession that you would not normally buy for yourself--clothes, purses, personal items? Are there times in the past that are a blank to you--you went through them, but don't know how, and don't remember any of the time spent? Do you often wake up with a headache, find yourself in different clothes than those you went to sleep in, or find yourself compromised in some other way? And yes, sometimes the best teacher is the one inside you. Learn to trust that part of you that is telling you these things, and just sit with the information. Don't toss the baby out with the bath water. After all, how do you KNOW that it didn't happen just because you don't remember it? Sharon
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True love exists when we lose ourselves to invest in the care of others. |
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#12
Dec 21, 2008, 10:46 PM
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That's okay, I know sometimes what I write can be a little confusing at times.
And to answer your questions honestly...no. I mean, there are times when I'm sort out of it, but not really a blackout per say. Instead of seperate alts that switch back and forth it's more like several people living under one roof and the only reason why they'd ever come out to say and do stuff is if I'd let them so I'd never completely lose control or black out. It's like a step above voices but a step below alts. So yeah, you can see why there is such a huge not trust thing going on. |
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#13
Dec 22, 2008, 12:18 AM
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i'm glad you feel better kaika. i do have alts and i also had a big big system of alts who's job was to deny the abuse, deny the alts, deny the memories, deny the denial practically! we spent a lot of time fighting ourselves and it made us all feel horrible. all the tension and fear and anger that we turned on ourselves instead of being angry at the real bad people. ooh. it was bad. try to treat yourself well, if you are mean to yourself it only pleases the ones who wanted to hurt you in the first place. (my 2 cents worth, not that you actually asked for them, but i do care!)
leslie and pixies
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HEALING HAPPENS
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#14
Dec 22, 2008, 08:21 AM
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((((((((((((((((((((((((((((kaika)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
bead here for you, will sit with you if you like during this confusing time. sending warm fuzzies and a big spoonful of hope your way, bead also you can pm us anytime if you need to talk. you ARE cared for here!
__________________
...can.. .....will..... just.............see come visit my photo albums and see some pictures of mary's beadwork http://forums.psychcentral.com/album.php?albumid=305 Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them." ~ Hugh Miller |
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#15
Dec 22, 2008, 10:28 AM
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((((((((((((((((( kaika ))))))))))))))))))
__________________
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