[genn]

Yesterday and today I really felt so lost in pc. I try to stay grounded but
anything that triger... made me switch and "the bad of my system takes over control.
Then I got so lost cause of all these things. The lost of time and space the worst part. Is hard to stay in chats with out thinking "what if I switch"?

I still don't have control over my alters, that make me feel so despair.
I can't continue like this I really need help.

Why is my system out of control.?

please I need help.

[Sannah]

Hi Genn, you/they don't feel safe?

[genn]

ty sannah

we will try is so hard

Originally Posted by Sannah

Hi Genn, you/they don't feel safe?

[multipixie9]

genn, for years i did not trust or appreciate my alts. i looked at them as "causing me trouble". the switching and the problems in my life that i thought were caused by me being mpd/did made me angry at myself and at them. but...

finally i began to realize how they had helped me stay alive, stay sane, sometimes even stay safe in dangerous times. when i began to realize all they had done for me i began to change how i felt toward them/treated them. my alts needed to forgive me for the way the "host" leslie had been down on them. because my spouse did not believe did exists and i thought i had to have his approval, i tried to force my life into his "picture frame" and it was awful and never fit.

it's been in the last 8 or so months that i began to like, enjoy and be thankful to and for my "pixies" and all my alts.

i do not want to "control" them any more or "get rid of them" so they will "stop messing up MY life". i have a long way to go but i want to find out how to work WITH myself now instead of trying to "work around" my alts. WE are IN this TOGETHER. the more i love my alts, the less we hurt each other or fight for control of the life we share and that is a very good thing for me.

at some point in your life and in mine, the alts we created helped save our physical lives, sanity and any emotional inner life we had at all. these alters of ours are truly heroes and even those who may have done some negative things - did so trying to help us get by.

my T finally kind of got in my face a few times and had to firmly tell me that i would have died or gone crazy without the help of my alters. when i finally accepted that and accepted them it made a really strong move forward for us all. we got a measure of peace inside all of us. it is good!

[wanttoheal]

It's so hard to be appreciative of something that makes me feel so crazy. But the fact is that because my brain split due to the terrors of childhood, I'm NOT crazy. I can say that now, but there was a time I just knew I was crazy. I still feel crazy at times, but more and more I'm able to tell self that it's just not so.

That said, I've never been able to control other parts of myself. For me, they seem to be triggered out due to whatever is going on. Sometimes it seems like it's from very minor things but apparently it's not to the part that gets triggered. T has said that there are some parts that have communication with other parts. I don't know how to achieve that for myself though. Because of that, I have to take extreme caution to keep myself safe.

If I go to a chat room, I always have my armor on and watch from afar. That way if something comes up, I'm backed up enough usually to keep safe. If someone does or says something that is starting to sound triggery, I try to either brb or ignore if I can. I know it's hard but we are responsible for all parts of us, whether or not we feel like we have control. Sometimes it's best for me to see who is in chat before I enter. That way if it looks like it might get too triggery for me, I can decide to not go in, especially if I am feeling more vulnerable than usual.

It doesn't always work for me as I often don't know what goes on for me. But, we can only do the best we can do. There is so much fear of getting in trouble here for me I guess that when triggered, my response is often shut down or shut up. It's hard to have a balance but I think both of us can be better as we heal.

Hang in there Genn. You are very cared for here and I believe things can get better.

[Aynetal3]

Originally Posted by genn

Why is my system out of control.?

please I need help.

Usually when our system is out of control, it's because too MANY parts are trying to control, because they don't trust others in the system are doing enough. Good time for some please and thank-yous. Our ultimate saying is "be nice!"

Our best
Ann's

[genn]

Originally Posted by Aynetal3

Usually when our system is out of control, it's because too MANY parts are trying to control, because they don't trust others in the system are doing enough. Good time for some please and thank-yous. Our ultimate saying is "be nice!"

Our best
Ann's

I know my systems are knid of lost between them ,I am woring in
triying to make team work out of them.

genn
"at your service"

[multipixie9]

genn,

maybe you can try to get to know your alts and systems of alts better. we feel more safe when we know the ones we are with, so maybe you can get to know them, ask them questions about what they like, do not like, what is their job, what makes them feel safe and feel good.

i was afraid of my alts. when i began to admire them, respect the job they did - things got nicer and better inside of me with my alts.

genn, could you ask your T some of these questions? maybe ask the T to help you feel safer with your system and if T could help you know them better and see what they do as a helping thing, not a scary, frightening thing - you and the alts and systems could see yourselves as a family. (A Good Family). a good family helps one another. a good family is kind, forgiving, gentle, patient, teaches each member...

as a person with mpd/did i did not have good family - i had a painful life in our home and some terrible things happened to me. my alts came out and were created to help me survive my dangerous home and people. they saved my life as a child. but the skills that helped me as a child, make problems as an adult. so my alts and i must learn how to do adult life and how to become healed inside from past pain.

all people who are mpd/did feel like you some of the time - we have fears, worries, sadness, lost feelings. But, We Can Get Better! YOU
Will Get Better Too!!! i wish you well and fast healing.

leslie and the pixies