[deliquesce]

hi guys. i'm a bit worried about if i'm allowed to post here, because i don't have DID. i don't want to intrude on anyone's safe place and this might be a bit triggering. please pm me or one of the mods if you would prefer this post to be deleted - i dont want to hurt anyone.

my problem is this: i have a major problem with dissociating and flashbacks when i go to the doctor, and thought maybe you guys could help?

my doctor wants to give me a physical to make sure there isnt anything wrong. i had a cancer scare last year and so now she thinks it's important to make sure everything is working properly. this would involve an internal examination. i should have done this 6 years ago, but now she is saying it's important to do asap.

she said she could get a nurse to come and hold my hand when she did it. but i am scared about having more people in the room, because then there are more people to hold you down.

do you guys have any tips on how to deal with this? i dont want to get violent if she scares me, but i dont want to dissociate either. i find it very hard to ground myself afterwards and i dont know what happens when i'm gone.

i havent told her that i get scared, or that i have a problem with dissociating, because i dont want her to think i'm a freak. she already thinks im very messed up, because im on so many different meds for depression.

[wanttoheal]

Hi deliquesce, Welcome here. You are definitely allowed to post here. This is not just a forum for DID, it is for all dissociative stuff. I'm glad you posted.

As far as your situation, I'm so sorry. I can understand how distressing that is. Do you have a friend that can go with you to help you stay grounded and be there for support? Maybe that would help and they can be there to help you stay grounded afterward as well. Also, it would help if something happened as they could explain what' is going on for you if you wanted them too.

Maybe also, taking something small and safe that you could hold in your hand might help you stay more present. Or take a bottle of cool water to sip on might help as well. Do you have any anxiety meds that you could take prior or can you talk to your doctor about getting some specifically for the test?

Good luck with this. Please keep us posted.

[bipolar_bear]

Of course you are welcome to post here. I am so sorry that this is causing you so much distress. Going to the Dr. especailly for an internal exam can be a very scary thing. Is there anything that you have that helps you keep grounded? Something that you can take with you? A friend is also a good idea. How about headphones with some music you like? I hope you find a way to make this work for you. Please take care of you as it sounds like she thinks it is very important.

BB

I had an extremely hard time going to my doc for a physical & would end up crying in the waiting room which, of course, would make me even more fearful of returning again & making a fool of myself. I have some major physical health problems that need to be attended to, but I kept canceling my appt. & rescheduling, hoping I would feel less anxious in a month--ha, ha!!

Finally, my therapist blocked out an afternoon (for no charge!!) & called my internal med doc & explained the situation & came in with me. She basically had them escort me in immediately so I wouldn't have to wait in the reception area where I feared I would cry & make a scene. My T had already warned my IM doc that I would probably be crying & to have a nurse there that would be sensitive to my situation.

When I arrived I was swooped in like I was a princess. I thought they were going to offer me Perrier & caviar! Of course, I did cry & only made it through half the exam. Just getting there was so traumatic for me that I had to make another appt. to do the 2nd half of the exam, but my T made the seemingly impossible happen. I had been canceling that appt. for at least 9 mos. I do have PTSD & bipolar 1 & do some dissosiation but don't have DID. Doing EMDR & DBT & indiv. therapy. My T has recommended an excellent book: "Getting Through the Day."--Suzy

[multipixie9]

Want to heal had good suggestions to try. I just want to say you are not alone. I have put off this same situation for about 10 years. I just can't make myself go and do what i need to do for my body and my alts health. I can't do it for myself or anyone else...yet.

Be as good to yourself as you can be. No one is angry with you here. Someone will care.

[Junerain]

Speaking of physical doctors, I was escorted straight from nursing school 'practice' blood pressure......(my diastolic was 178..my systolic was 123)to emergency at the very hospital I was at. Put on antihypertensive drugs. Feel better with these. It was scary & embarassing & I was crying. The hospital food while I waited for a doctor was pretty gross. I digress. All this was actually because I get a high blood pressure reading at the exact moment of my flashback of my eqestrian accident when that flashback hits...forget it. And the worst is I _get that flashback yes in nursing school as they take the blood pressure because the cuff reminds me the way the reigns got tangled in my grip.

I dissociate too, big time, and it's a combination of a flashback and a dissociation at the same time. Like my past literally breaks my heart in a million pieces. Movies are great therapy for me I saw the Clint eastwood movie and while it scared me I was so happy for the people in the neighborhood he helped. Music too, Amy Winhouse is soothing.

It is as if we can all find what we love and fight a) dissociation b) flashbacks c)hey let us not fight and just love

[deliquesce]

thank you all so much for replying, and also for making me feel welcome here.

wanttoheal & bipolar bear - those suggestions are great. taking a friend is a good idea, because i think i'll need someone to help me after the event, and i would feel safe knowing she was waiting for me. i am not sure about something small to take - i can't really think of anything, but it is a good suggestion. i will try to come up with something. i think music helps me to dissociate more, so i think i should avoid that. but i hope it's a useful suggestion for someone else.

i will also ask my pdoc about some anxiety meds... i didnt know they made these, what a relief if there is something that would work!

suzy - you're so lucky that your T came with you! i don't have a T now, but when i did he said he couldn't come with me because that would be crossing his boundaries. i hadn't asked him to come, but he said he wished he could have, but he was my psych and so it wasn't appropriate for him. i think the psychs over in Australia seem a lot more rigid in their rules than those from other countries?

multipixie - maybe we can gather up our courage and do it together? i hope some of the suggestions here have been useful to you, too.

[deliquesce]

also, wanted to add: one thing i am glad for is that my GP does these tests herself. some doctors here refer you to a special clinic to get them done. at least with my doc, i know what she looks like, and how she sounds like and some of her mannerisms and stuff, so i kind of don't need to be so vigilant on that front. this would be too scary if i had to do it with some stranger.

[Junerain]

My GP is a beautiful, long haired woman resembling the woman who played the doctor on misplacing her name here....

So I too know my doctor's mannerisms and just knowing my doctor is human well that is nice.

Only hope when i am a nurse a school nurse my students they will feel the same.....that my nurse is human feeling

[deliquesce]

(((junerain)))

i need to start looking at my doctor as someone who is human, too. at the moment, i think of her as "doctor" and that kind of scares me a bit. but if she is human... then it will be nicer. my pdoc is human and i love him to bits. he is my "doctor" also, but he isn't scary.

i think you will be a wonderful nurse. i am excited for you and your future. how long do you have to go to become qualified?

[Junerain]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

(((junerain)))

i need to start looking at my doctor as someone who is human, too. at the moment, i think of her as "doctor" and that kind of scares me a bit. but if she is human... then it will be nicer. my pdoc is human and i love him to bits. he is my "doctor" also, but he isn't scary.

i think you will be a wonderful nurse. i am excited for you and your future. how long do you have to go to become qualified?

I graduate august 28th and take my N.Y.C.L.E.X. November 27th then on to brighter days