we are struggling. T is back but some don't trust her to be here for us.
she has started to work with a very depressed insider and it is causing much depression in the whole system.
no one is coming out to do anything they like to do.
system is shutting down very quickly
saw Pdoc and she said to try and keep the balls in the air--
they are falling one by one and there is no energy to pick them up.
just letting them fall.
roll into corners
tried to use my tools.
feel we are all slipping away.
try to ground and slip away more.
takes so much energy to fight.
sorry this is so long.
we just need someones who understand
T and Pdoc don't seem to get it.

[pegasus]

Sending many hugs. It is so hard. Sitting with you understanding...

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( white iris ))))))))))))))

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((((white_iris)))))))))))) I'm so sorry you are struggling. I really so much understand the balls falling part of your analogy. I hope things get better for you soon. Hang in there.

[silver_queen]

((((((((((( The Constellation ))))))))))

just need to know friends are there.
hard when i can't identify the source.
just incredibly sad and dark.
heavy and scary.
it will pass--i have been in this place before
except it is so very scary and takes so much energy.
a full tool box but every tool is too heavy to lift and use.
maybe i need a good kick in the pants
maybe i should just quit being such a baby and suck it up.
my life is good.
my H is good.
nothing bad has happened.
nothing
yet i am in this dark place.
need encouragement and hugs and anything happy
need my friends alot right now.

[multipixie9]

can't find any good words for you. so i am sending a hug instead

leslie and pixies

[Fuzzybear]

To all of you
We are doing better today. There is still alot going on inside but
we also know that nothing keeps us down for long. The tool box is still heavy, but we found one that we can handle right now and that is working. We thought our Prism, who is our internal angel and our hope had somehow disappeared, but she is here as always. She found the tool that works best, and the one I fight the most---relaxing, breathing.....being still. I'm too impatient!!!

we had some medical tests today which revealed we need more. None new, had them before. things have changed, so need re-doing.
nothing serious.

Insiders were planning to sleep and not wake up.
No one wanted to be in the body...including me.
Shut down. Just for awhile.
Prism and Ajna (our wisdom and life source) laughed about that one.
We are awake and I am here. groggy and need to lay down, but fully functioning.

Breath, relax, let us care for you....that is what I heard.
Guess our system is getting healthier.
Scary thought

Love wi

[DeniseDCC]

Greetings,

We are glad to hear things are going better. Thank you very much for the update. We understand how you feel. Hugs if you will accept them.

Denise of Diana's Clan

[turquoisesea]

yay I'm glad you're doing better

Hope it continues that way, dark spots are scary

[DianasClan]

Glad to hear you are doing better.

Diana

Huggs are always accepted!!

[multipixie9]

white_iris,

when you can, look back at your posts this week, you went from so so bad to really ok in pretty short time.

having all the balls fall down and roll around in corners is not fatal.

it is ok to not be ok. lots of gentle hugs,

leslie and her pixies

[SongBirdandDaisy]

WHITE IRIS AND THE CONSTELLATION

i can be ok if i have to.
right now i've watched all the balls drop.
not sure if i even want to pick them up again.
may just walk away and go into hiding

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( white_iris ))))))))))))))

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((white_iris)))))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

[DianasClan]

(((((white_iris)))))

Diana

[SongBirdandDaisy]

WI
We will stay with you

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by white_iris

i can be ok if i have to.
right now i've watched all the balls drop.
not sure if i even want to pick them up again.
may just walk away and go into hiding

You don't have to give up... pick the balls back up, or make new ones :P or make up a new game!
You dont need to go into hiding

[sherry]

Originally Posted by white_iris

we are struggling. T is back but some don't trust her to be here for us.
she has started to work with a very depressed insider and it is causing much depression in the whole system.
no one is coming out to do anything they like to do.
system is shutting down very quickly
saw Pdoc and she said to try and keep the balls in the air--
they are falling one by one and there is no energy to pick them up.
just letting them fall.
roll into corners
tried to use my tools.
feel we are all slipping away.
try to ground and slip away more.
takes so much energy to fight.
sorry this is so long.
we just need someones who understand
T and Pdoc don't seem to get it.

Im sorry you are struggling can i do anything to help all of you

mybe i'm not trying hard enough. maybe i just con't care any more--
T doesn't get it--or maybe she does and i don't. idk.
i'm too tired to even try and figure it out.
voices tto loud.
depression too heavy
memories flash like a quick slide show or maybe video on hyper speed.
don't want to deal.
things really are better and safe in the here and now.
just can't seem st stay here.
i see everything around me.
i do the grounding.
i try and stay present.....
but my inside world is a mess.
T said to get my inside "power team" together
to find my "Wise" one (Ajna) and listen to her....
i can't even see around inside.
all i hear is anger and fear..
things are different now i keep saying.
but insiders don't know that--not crystal and Amber....
they know what was before.
i am so done.
i just want to be normal.
to have a life
ONE life.

[DianasClan]

(((((((white_iris)))))))

We are here for you. I can't imagine what it must be like for you because I dont talk to me "insiders". That is what I am supposed to be working on. Maybe I will try tomorrow.

Diana

((((diana's clan))))) right now i wonder why we ever started communicating with each other. mostly it's a really good thing. keep trying for it. you will have more benefits than not, really.

feeling so lonely
trying to hold everything in.
not a good move, i know that.
feels like a melt down is coming
but so is my best friend.
holding off till she gets here???
can't ruin her visit.
she says she is here for me.
she DID also. SRA survivor
i'm not SRA.
my stuff isn't as bad as hers.
my abuse not like that.
i am being way too self absorbed
selfish
get on with life.
get out of my inside and work harder

not sure it's gonna work.
wi