[Tmac]

Several years ago I was speaking to a dr about the fact that when I am in an uncomfortable situation I would be there physically but not mentally sometimes aware of what was going on and sometimes I was not. He explained to me that it was dissociating. So a recent trauma has me doing it more than ever before and a lot more bad memories to deal with. I finally contacted a psychologist and have an appointment on March 2nd and am terrified about it. My one worry is that when I go I will dissosiate and get no where. So my real issue right now I am struggling with would be some very strange and frightening things that are happening to me. First off I have not been sleeeping if I do start to nod off I get so startled and come out of it sitting up abd feeling like someone is strangling. This doc told she believes I am suffering from depression and PTSD. So I guess that would expplain the sleeping.

So the really strange things are I am total myself in an instant message just chatting then I look up at the screen and see all this typing that that consist of actual words and the person I was chatting with has signed off.....b\c I have freaked then out. I try to read the chat and I see where they continue to ask me to retype what I just said. Now doing this online is not the only time this happens. I recieved a text from one one of my brothers asking me what the help my text was supposed to mean. So I looked at my messages sent ans sure enought jumbles mess. He is not the only one that I have been sending text mesages to like this either. What scares me is other people seeing the stuff I am doing. I trid to play off the text messaages as some form of spam. I am not sure if I am dissociating on a different level or actually falling asleep and doing this stuff. Basically I seem to be even more out of wack since I made an appointment to talk to someone the fear of it has me doing this wierd stuff. I am just worried that I will do something totally out of wack.

This is a little bit of a conversation....maybe seeing it will explain it a little better.

friend (8:17:51 PM): po=mad?
me (8:18:00 PM): no m\room
friend (8:18:16 PM): m/room=?
me (8:18:32 PM): jdut dbst snue eemafnrdee
me (8:19:06 PM): wnna get drubj rii
friend (8:20:26 PM): you need to re-read what you type, correct the typos, and then press send. please. otherwise i can't understand you.

This went on for quite a while....I am just trying to me sense of it becaue it has me very scared that have totally lost my mind.

So again not sure what to make of this and was hoping someone in this forum might have an idea what this is. Honestly I am hoping talking about it and posting it will lessen my worry.

[Crew]

Tha Crew is so sorry you are having such troubles. Hugs for being scared. It will get better, promise! HugsHugs for being BiG though!ThaCrew

[Rasta Rascal]

I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share your concerns in this forum. No, you’re not losing you mind! I can see that you have a lot going on and you’re scared. I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time. The appointment with a therapist is a step in the right direction and please don’t worry about what happens when you get there. Your therapist is a trained professional, won’t judge you or your behaviour and will know how to help you stay in the moment. Share with her/him the feelings, fears and concerns you posted in this forum. Between now and your appointment, know that you are welcome here and will get a lot of good feedback and caring support. Take care of you! RR

[DianasClan]

Originally Posted by Rasta Rascal

I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share your concerns in this forum. No, you’re not losing you mind! I can see that you have a lot going on and you’re scared. I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time. The appointment with a therapist is a step in the right direction and please don’t worry about what happens when you get there. Your therapist is a trained professional, won’t judge you or your behaviour and will know how to help you stay in the moment. Share with her/him the feelings, fears and concerns you posted in this forum. Between now and your appointment, know that you are welcome here and will get a lot of good feedback and caring support. Take care of you! RR

I agree with rasta. The appointment is in the right direction. perhaps when it is time for the appointment you can print out the post above and take it with you. That way you have in writing what you are trying to communicate. I know it is hard but it seems to me that nothing worth doing is ever easy. Hugs if you want them

Diana

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{Tmac}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Just here to encourage you and to let you know I care. You're on the right track reaching out for help, Hon. That's the only way out of the mess you find yourself in. Seeking out a T is the best thing you can do to work through these problems you are having. Like Rasta said, he/she is a trained professional who wants to help.

Keep on keepin' on, Hon. You, too, will make it through.

[multipixie9]

hi t-mac,

it is normal to be afraid and worried when first going to a therapist. you are having anxiety and it was a good suggestion that maybe you should write down some things to tell this person so you don't worry that you will float away and just waste the time you have.

i have sometimes found myself typing gibberish as i doze off while on the computer. sometimes i just get my fingers off the proper keys (i learned to touch type, rather than the hunt and peck method) i typed a whole page of n's and then k's recently. sigh...

we all go through some weird things and maybe your alters are just trying to make sure you pay attention to them by typing when you are im'ing with others. all these experiences just mean you need to pay attention to yourself, somewhere inside part of you is getting desperate for help and they just want to be heard. we all want to be heard. hang in there and be patient with yourself. it will get better in time, i really do believe that because it happened for me and i had a lot of junk to deal with. i care. hugs if you want them,

leslie and her pixies