[Elysium]

Hey everyone...

Well, I met with a new practitioner yesterday for a couple of hours to get a second opinion on my diagnosis of DID.

I didn't do anymore diagnostic testing, just talked with the T about my experiences.

He says that he believes I have a *Form* of DID, and that it could fall in the DDNOS realm, but also in the DID realm of the continuum of dissociative disorders....? CONFUSING!!

Oh well, as far as I(we) are concerned I've had my answer for some time, but it was okay to get the 2nd opinion to back it up. He did tell me that he thinks I should stop researching DID so much. I am really not researching it anymore. When my parts began introducing themselves to me and I realized that this was just more than the average dissociation that comes with PTSD, I did start reading about dissociative disorders because I knew something wasn't quite right. I always knew that though, just reading about it confirmed it for me.

Well...hope everyone is well! Sorry to have missed the DID chat.

Talk with you all, later.

[turquoisesea]

Glad you've been able to talk about it with these people, although labels aren't that important, they really can help with a sense of getting somewhere, of learning about yourself.

[Elysium]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

Glad you've been able to talk about it with these people, although labels aren't that important, they really can help with a sense of getting somewhere, of learning about yourself.

So true!

I do my best not to get caught up in the labels of things and just focus on my experiences. It is difficult though because most of the time, internally, I feel confused...like I don't know what is and what isn't...period. I guess my quest for a specific label is just me attempting to know what is..?

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

I guess my quest for a specific label is just me attempting to know what is..?

I agree.... I like to know about and understand any thing that is wrong with me then I can let it be and learn to live with it if I must... and it doesn't matter if it is medical like my RA or mental like my DID & PTSD.

[wanttoheal]

I'm glad you were able to talk to new T. You are very brave. When I found out I was DID, I kept looking for ways to disprove it. I wasted a lot of time doing that, which probably hindered my progress in the beginning.

I wish I was braver, but I'm too much of a fraidy cat to read up on DID much. I also was concerned that my brain might latch onto things I read and recreate them. I did ask questions in the beginning but was too afraid to actually read any books on DID or any dissociative disorders. I sometimes think I could maybe read a book now about it, but I'm still too much of a fraidy cat. Thankfully my T answered a lot of questions I had about it. I also struggle with information concerning my health in other ways. I hope to get braver though.

Best of luck to you as you continue your journey.

[Elysium]

When I initially was diagnosed, I was relieved yet at the same time terrified!! I have a part that tells me that this dx is sh** and that the DID isn't real, but when I look at the big picture it makes soooo much sense to my experiences that I have been dealing with since I was a child. I don't know if bravery has much to do with it...I am just tenacious and have this need to have answers as a means of being able to control my internal and external world.

This new T asked me if I "wanted" DID? And I said..."Oooh, I didn't know I got a choice...?" Really, I don't know if I WANT it or not? I don't know if WANT was the best word for that question. As a coping mechanism, it helped and continues to help me still to cope with the flashbacks, anxiety, stress of my world, etc....but it also hinders me in many ways now. So I am not sure how to answer that question. It's kind of a double edged sword!!

I think there is a bit of bravery in all of us. There has to be. If there wasn't, our minds wouldn't have been able to create these elaborate systems of survival for us. They would have just given up. At least that's my opinion....

LOL to your T's question. I don't think we really "want" any of this. I didn't choose to go through what i did to get to be "honored" with this DX. one time my T said she was kinda of envious of me---that there was so much we could do and so much creativity. I wasn't really sure how to answer her. or respond. So I said "just thank God you aren't me".
kinda crude, but sometimes outsiders look at the "cool" things, like the multi tasking, the creativity, having an isider that cleans --what ever, and forgets the road i've had to travel to get here.

I'm in a funk--sorry. Just my thoughts

Ring around the diagnosis,such a terriable game to play,inwhich I played for few years;definately not by my choice.

It only took fifteen minutes for my actual diagnosis of DID. There are specific tests (mine was verbal) for the diagnosis of DID.

The test was administered by an expert in the field of trauma specializing in the field of DID. She bombarded me with a barrage of questions that literaly short circuted my brain. I was sitting in a chair in the exam room, that was what I remember,then I remember her saying "sparrow come back" and there I was, crouched in a corner, in a puddle of tears, saying "what just happened".

From that point on, it was nothing but fear.....or courage.......or maybe courage driven by fear........

My dx came from an expert in trauma, she has over 14yrs of schooling after high school, specializing in trauma and sexual trauma

The letters after her name make the difference.

I do not refer to her as T. She is a professional in the field of DID
She is.........Doc

Some letters to look for......c.t.s certified in traumatic stress
e.t.s. expert in traumatic stress
b.c.e.t.s. board certified expert in traumatic stress
f.a.a.e.t.s.

DID aint no joke.......auctually it sucks.........but there is hope....hope????

ST..............DIDer in recovery.............................

ohhh and Phd..............of course

In my opinion.........proper dx is everything.......if I wanna be that button on the wash machine......normal??????......ok, I'll settle for nothing less than average..............................

The experts know,the professionals know.....me?....I wasnt even close

[Elysium]

ST~

Very good points to remember. And you are right DID is NO joke. I hope I didn't offend you, or cause you to think that I was implying it was. This was not my intention.

When I was first diagnosed, I didn't know what was up. I had some thoughts and ideas, but I was really needing to figure things out.

The Doc that initially diagnosed me was a PhD and specializes in DID. I remember sitting on the couch talking with her and then she asked me to tell her about my others. I was able to make it through telling her about one, but while I was telling her about the second all I remember is that I got real dizzy, was flooded with hurt, got small and began to cry and I couldn't talk anymore. It was as if someone placed a steel plate over my mouth. My 9 yr old never speaks. He just sulks and cries. Sometimes he lashes out in anger but it's usually out of protection for the others.

She brought me back out of it but now looking back on it the whole thing seems like a dream and I don't remember much.

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

ST~

Very good points to remember. And you are right DID is NO joke. I hope I didn't offend you, or cause you to think that I was implying it was. This was not my intention.

When I was first diagnosed, I didn't know what was up. I had some thoughts and ideas, but I was really needing to figure things out.

The Doc that initially diagnosed me was a PhD and specializes in DID. I remember sitting on the couch talking with her and then she asked me to tell her about my others. I was able to make it through telling her about one, but while I was telling her about the second all I remember is that I got real dizzy, was flooded with hurt, got small and began to cry and I couldn't talk anymore. It was as if someone placed a steel plate over my mouth. My 9 yr old never speaks. He just sulks and cries. Sometimes he lashes out in anger but it's usually out of protection for the others.

She brought me back out of it but now looking back on it the whole thing seems like a dream and I don't remember much.

I am so,so,so happy to hear that you do have a proper dx. It means everthing to me,and that finally a specific treatment is in order, inwhich is totally awesome,yet totally sucks.
There has been no offense on your part, by no means, it just hurts me to see all this untreated DID in this forum, when there are answers and there is help out there, for real for real.

It is tough to go through a real DID test. It scared the living crap out of me so bad I dont ever want to go through again....I was consiously unconcious....whoaaaa.....it scared me right into treatment....and been there ever since....almost a trauma anniverary....almost...the first day of an amazing new life....and the creativity.....its true......24 may 2004
the day of my dx.....a day to remember.......coming up on 5 years an am the point of a case study to be presented at a lecture in september on, yes it is possable to recover from DID...if I want....an I want

and yes elysium, it is possable to have peace and recover from DID

[Hunny]

(((((((( Ellysium ))))))) Compassion

IS

[Elysium]

Thanks everyone for your W.O.W (words of wisdom) and hugs n' stuff. I hope now I can just move forward and pull these parts in closer. Integration seems scary to me and in my system, the general concensus at this point is NO WAY!! I know as time goes by and healing takes place, this attitude may change, but for now it's one step at a time.

Glad I found this forum. Everyone here is really supportive