[Aunt Donna]

I have a question for anyone who can help. When I was about 4, I made up an imaginery world where everything was perfect. I, also, had a different name and looked beautiful in this world. I would escape to this world whenever possible and would get upset if anyone interferred with my me time. I was sexually molested as a child. I lived in this world as much as I possibly could. Last year at age 40 I decided to give it up completely and I have been struggling. I have ocd, panic disorder, depression, high blood pressure, phobias. I am getting better despite setbacks. Is this a form of DID? After reading some posts, it made me start wondering. I have never admitted this to anyone. Everyone put it down to daydreaming, but was it something more?

[Rhapsody]

While it does not sound like DID to me.... it does sound like a form of mental illness where one creates a make believe world as a means to escape the pain in their real life or past - there is a name for it, but I cannot remember it at the moment.

Have you ever watched "Never Was" - if not I would recommend you take a trip to the video store soon.... this 2005 film tells of the disorder I spoke about with every ounce of compassion and dignity for the wounded person that suffers.

[Elysium]

Hi Faylowell...

Unfortunately, there is no way for any of us on this forum to say whether or not this is a form of DID. We all have our own experiences, some have education in mental health issues, and most of us have had a pretty good history in therapy. However, this is not a place for anyone to diagnose anything.

You may already know that children, especially toddlers and preschool age children, experience what is called magical thinking, which is pretty much what it sounds like. They have the capacity to believe in and create wonderful worlds where they can play, and survive if they need to and it is not uncommon for children in general to make up imaginary friends or environments and use them for entertainment and yes, safety.

This may or may not be some sort of dissociation. The fact that you state you have been able to "give it up" and live without this fantasy realm, even though you are struggling can be a telling sign. It could be that you are just a very creative person who developed a fantasy realm that worked well for you and that you used that as a coping mechanism, and that now you don't allow yourself to use it, you are lacking other coping skills to take it's place.

DID and dissociation are also coping skills....but ultimately if you would like this question answered, I think the best thing would be to speak with a therapist about it. Don't be afraid to share with them what you have shared here. It does NOT mean you are crazy. It means you are creative.

Just know that what you have described does not sound over the top, or ridiculous to me.

Good luck. Don't hesitate to ask more questions, keep us posted, and hang out!!

[Aunt Donna]

Thanks for the replies. I was just curious. I did use it to escape my life for almost 36 years. Just wanted to separate myself from my life.

[Aunt Donna]

Originally Posted by Rhapsody

While it does not sound like DID to me.... it does sound like a form of mental illness where one creates a make believe world as a means to escape the pain in their real life or past - there is a name for it, but I cannot remember it at the moment.

Have you ever watched "Never Was" - if not I would recommend you take a trip to the video store soon.... this 2005 film tells of the disorder I spoke about with every ounce of compassion and dignity for the wounded person that suffers.

Thanks for the advice but I don't do videos. Personal convictions and staying away from triggers. Too much weird stuff on tv. Would read the book if available.

[Hunny]

Hi Faylowell:
So glad to hear you are "getting better despite setbacks".
Are you in therapy for your ocd, panic disorder, depression and phobias. It may be helpful to talk to your Therapist about your concerns. Would you be able to talk about them with your T?
Ice

[Aunt Donna]

Originally Posted by IceStatue

Hi Faylowell:
So glad to hear you are "getting better despite setbacks".
Are you in therapy for your ocd, panic disorder, depression and phobias. It may be helpful to talk to your Therapist about your concerns. Would you be able to talk about them with your T?
Ice

Don't have a therapist per se. I have tried using them in the past. The last one was a "faith-based" therapist who clashed with me. He actually told me that I need stronger medication and that he couldn't help me and when I cancelled my appointment with him, he didn't even call to check on me even though I was suicidal. My pastor and my doctor are my help and they are great. I can talk to them about anything. My pastor is aware of when I made the decision and has been guiding me though. The therapist was a minister with a different denomination, so I spoke with my pastor about going to him for counseling and he said that was what he was here for, to help. Hey, I figuired if I was going to see a minister for therapy might as well be mine. Plus his assistant pastor is great too to talk to. Thanks for the reply.

[Miri]

Originally Posted by faylowell

I have a question for anyone who can help. When I was about 4, I made up an imaginery world where everything was perfect. I, also, had a different name and looked beautiful in this world. I would escape to this world whenever possible and would get upset if anyone interferred with my me time. I was sexually molested as a child. I lived in this world as much as I possibly could. Last year at age 40 I decided to give it up completely and I have been struggling. I have ocd, panic disorder, depression, high blood pressure, phobias. I am getting better despite setbacks. Is this a form of DID? After reading some posts, it made me start wondering. I have never admitted this to anyone. Everyone put it down to daydreaming, but was it something more?

Hi Faylowell. You sound like a very creative person and i believe that being creative inside yourself is a gift. May i ask if you gave it up because you felt it was interferring with relationships with others? That would be a good reason to do so. I agree absolutely with Elysium, that we can't help you "diagnose" yourself. I think though, that dissociating is something that everyone does at times, mostly in minor and innocent ways. For example, as a child i would get so deeply engrossed in reading that I wouldn't hear my mother call my name (and probably didn't want to!) and that is dissociaitve, so likely, when you were deeply engaged with your inner world you weren't tuned into your environment very much, you were dissociating. That is a very, very different thing from having a dissociative disorder. So please be careful about how you think about this part of you that created such an incredibly complex story to live in when you chose to. I, too, think this is something to explore with a therapist and encourage you to find one to help you sort this out. I'm not suggesting this could true for you, but the diagnosis of DID can hold a kind of "specialness" that can help a person feel a bit better about themselves. I went through a period of time (uh, several years ...) right after my diagnosis when i think this was true. It was a way of coping with not really knowing how to feel about it. I'm probably saying this badly and certainly hope I don't offend anyone, as I believe that DID is a very creative way to survive the unthinkable horrors that necessitated it, but if we get stuck in the romance of this exotic label, it can keep us from moving forward, I think. This is my opinion. Have others felt like this? Maybe it's part of the healing process. I certainly don't judge how anyone feels about having DID - people are where they are for a reason. I just want to caution you, that's all. Professional guidance is best along with your own inner wisdom.

[Aunt Donna]

Thanks for your reply. No, I don't think I actually have DID. Just reading some of the threads made me wonder. Really considering writing to have a release. When I write my thoughts down, I feel a release. Definitely not going to give up my creativity, just use it in a different way. I really appreciate everyone's replies.

[multipixie9]

Fay,

Your private world was some form of refuge and comfort in a childhood that had sexual abuse in it. Children have so little power that escape is often their only tool for surviving. It sounds like an awesome coping mechanism for childhood that ceased to be adequate for an adult life.

Like the others I can't diagnose your situation but I think it would be good to talk to someone you can trust about it - hopefully you can talk to your T about it. You seem to have a faith in God that is meaningful to you and many people feel that they can rely on God as part of how they cope with the pain and difficulty of life. It is part of how I began to recover from severe abuse in childhood, because I did dissociate heavily to cope and eventually that ceased to be a good thing in the adult world with responsibilities.

There was certainly nothing "wrong" about making an imaginary place in childhood and even adults use imagination to "take mental breaks".

I hope you find the help you need to come to a place of peace.

Leslie and her pixies

[multipixie9]

Miri,

I think you are right about how it is possible to "fall in love" with one's diagnosis. I was so relieved to find out I was DID (after I quit denying it for years) that for a period of time I kinda got all "into it" and focused on it too much. I don't think I would be as well as I am now if I had not "fallen out of love with my dx". For me it almost became an excuse for not striving to get functional again; I sort of wanted everyone to feel sorry for me and cut me lots of slack because my life had been excruciatingly painful and difficult. For a while I just really wanted people to affirm me being DID, some kind of validation of my suffering. Sounds kinda weird trying to explain it. Not even sure I really got what you were saying Miri. But that is how it was to me for a while - several years, maybe even 5 years.

This is about how I experienced being DID, it is not intended to say anyone else does this, I am not accusing or judging anyone but myself.

It IS an interesting question. Hugs if you want them,

Leslie and her pixies