numb and...........

just wishing all the 'others' would just go away!!!!!!!!!! but they w ont..........never asked to be this dont wanna be grrrrrrrrrrrrrrthen again we never asked to be put into this world to begin with but yet taking our own selfs out is against the rules NOT FAIR

we is just feels like back in that great giant hole and hoping it will swallow her up for good once and for all instead we just stuck at the bottom of the pits!
hate it when she gets like this cant seem to pull her OUT

bead

(((((bead)))))

(((((((((((manda))))))))))))))
when we was dx with DID three years ago we was telled this is a good thing............something that can be helped to get better...........
HULLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
still waiting for the getting gooder part and very impatient cuz sick and tired of being sick and tired and in pain constantly! it never stops like a vixcious circle

bead

we don't have a dx yet

((((((((((((((((manda))))))))))))))))))))

sounds like you in betwwen a rock and a hard place too.



beads

(((((BEAD)))))

****Throws down a rope and harness into the hole and reaches out her hand to you!!!****

I hear you....I know where you are....I am here for you!!!

((((((((((((Elysium3006))))))))))))))

Beads wants tell you Thank You for the rope!!!!!!!!!
it is wrapped around her waist and we is hangin on tite must iffen we let go we will fall ........bead is trust you to not let go cuz you seem like such a nice person........
we hurts so bad .............not just physically but our heart just aches whith a pain that we cant really FEEL any more we just know that it is there and no way to get rid of all the bads and all the hurteds......
physically is a struggle too.........hutrs worse with this weather, which dont do nuthin for our mo0od cuz so hard get anyting done......
will it ever stop?????!!!!!!! dah that was a dumb question ca only think of one day when it will could ever quit cuz been there Foreverrrrrrrr.....
beads

Big giant safe hugs

((((((((((MeSo)))))))))))
your freindship is such a blessing to beads..................
thank you for the hugs............much needed!!!!!!!!!!!
sending a few back your way iffen you needs them,
bead

Hey Beads!!

I'm still holding on to that rope!! We got ya. You just hang on and build up your strength a bit, then you can start to climb up and we will help pull...K!!

We're all here with you!! I won't let go!!

Elysium...............still holdin on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sooooooooooooooooooooscared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hugs,
beads

(((((((((((((((Elysium))))))))))))))

Still holdin on and trusting ya for all were worth...........

xxx

beads

Keep holding on to that rope my friend. So good of Elysium to think of that!

You good one i like much.

((((((((((((((((((MeSo)))))))))))))))))


thanks for lissening and for caring freind,

beads

((((((((((((Beadlady)))))))))))))))) We're listening and care.

it can seem like forever and like things never get better and maybe get worse. but improvements sneak up behind taking little tiny turtle steps.

i find some parts are a lot more pesimistic and things are especially hopeless and awful when they are around. can be hard to see or accept that what they believe/feel isn't necessarily what other parts believe/feel. it is like different parts can have different world views. but hard to accept that because when they are around they feel like everything (not just a part).

sometimes it helps me when t can help point out things that have improved. it is hard to see small change.

((((((((((((((((((((((wanttoheal))))))))))))))))))))))

TTHHAANNKK YYOOUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

beads

(((((((((((((((dino)))))))))))))))))

thanks for your response! gotta be honest here, the tears started flowin as we read, and also after we read your thoughtful post. reckon that's a good thing,,,,,at least beads feeling SOMETHING
small change is definitely hard to see, and frustrating becasuse we is so impatient ( some of us is anyway)
you are also so rite about different pasrts feeling different things........T and Me talked a bit about that yesterday and he tinks the only feelings theat any of us can really get in touch iwth are teh fear and the anger. hes rite, but that dont make it any easier to try to bring other feelings to the surface cuz its like they just arent there........have no clue why we are like that.??!!

as bead read your sig., she thought about the fact that we so offen just want to hate each other and argue, not work with each other we def. have not learned to be good to each other,,,,,,,,,,,,still trying to make each other go away but that dont ssem to work so somehow we must learn to get along gggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hey admitting that IS huge ya know
gotta go blow her nose......
hugs,
beads

...and yet you did feel more than fear and anger...

sorry MeSo, but other then major FRUSTRATION, beads clueless??!!
can you please explain for this dense person that we seems to be today????????

((((beads))))

Thanks Manda is good to know you are here with beads cuz me thinks we
done f'ed up!!!!!!!!!

mary

No problem m'dear. You talk about only feeling fear and anger and yet you were touched to tears. That's another feeling you had. i replied to that specifically because i often think the same way. i often believe i don't feel...that a primary reason i've been in this perpetual mess is that i haven't felt what i went through when i was too busy surviving. i'm always in my head. Yet almost every time i go to therapy i tear up. i think both are probably true. i do feel but i have so much more to feel yet. i have seen improvements over the years yet am still mired in this stuff to where it seems there is nothing else.

The thing i (lovingly) want you to see here though...you're not just a being full of fear and anger. You are much more.

(((((((((((MeSo))))))))))))))

all that you just wrote rings so true for beads tooooooooooo.......especially the part about NOT feeling what went thru earlier in life.........cuz too busy just tryhing to survive......
MeSo we ARE afraid to feel any of that old stuff.......it will hurt toooo much ya know...like iffen it hurt so bad then that we had to split off into others,,,,,,why do we even want to relive and refeel that stuff??????
T say have to in order to get better but he never explains the HOW is this gonna make us gooder part........
wsooooooooo scared..........
hugs,
marsidotz