stupid..........

stupid stupid stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
beats head up against brick wall!!!!!!!!!

beads

(((((bead))))
Would you like a pillow to put against the wall?

yessssssss please,,,,,,,mite not be a bad idea
frustrated out of her gourd atm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bead

I don't know what a gourd is but you are definitely not stupid!

((((((( beadlady ))))))))

ty pegasus adn manda
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
settign here now with our own funky selves that we do not even want.
GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr
beads

mesoryusadbed

message from little manda

iffen the crap dont quit hittin the fan!!!!!!!!!!??????????
GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
the bull crap NEVER stops
just day after day after day
catn take much more of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!
beads

Why do you feel stupid hon? Why are you frustrated? i know this really cool person (YOU) who would comfort me if i felt like that. You deserve some comfort too. i think the pillow is a good idea. i think if part of you could comfort the part that feels stupid it might help all of you. Just my thoughts.

HOW do you comfort that which you HATE?!!!!!!!

i think first with attempts to understand. Why do you hate parts of you? i think sometimes it helps to play "shoe on the other foot". If it was someone else how would you respond? Whatever care you give to others is just as appropriate for yourself.

i know you're struggling right now and i wish i were close by so i could safely reassure you and show you the care i have for all of you.

Hate is very strong...i tend to want to look at strong reactions. Later.

Right now, please just know i don't think there's anything worth hating inside of beads. i understand thinking there is cuz i've been there too but our thoughts and reactions are understandable. There is no stupid.

{{{{{{{{{{MeSo}}}}}}}}}}
dunno why we hate parts of us........just know we dont even want them thre never asked for them to be there and all they do is cause truble and yell at her...........
the yelling HAS to STOP sick of hear it.........
GRRRRRRRRRRR this is soooooooooooo hard
really cant think of nuthin nice to say to her or do for her.sorrybbead

No need for sorry my friend. You're doing what you can even if it feels like you can't do anything. i have no expectations of you and accept you as you are.

You might be able to think to your parts "please stop yelling", "i'd like to hear what everyone has to say, can you please take turns?", "if you yell at me i can't hear what you have to say". i try to talk to my parts as i would any other person sitting in front of me. It's not always easy to do i know. Sometimes i can get really down on myself and it takes me a while to recognize what i'm doing.

i understand you didn't ask for them. Some of us create them when they're needed and some of us have them created for us. They are still part of us. Everyone can learn though. No matter how old a part is, he or she can learn better communication, respect, and understanding others.

i know sometimes, there's nothing that can be said or done to help me feel better. If that's where you're at right now it's ok. Sometimes we feel so miserable we can't think beyond the pain. Just know that there are people who care for you--all of you. i'm feeling a bit overly conscious that i might be sounding preachy when i don't want to so please excuse me if i've been offensive in any way as i try to respond.

(((((((((MeSo))))))))))

bead tell you THANH YOU............it does help to know that there is someone else out there who has been there.........
you has defl not sound preachy or offended bead any way........we get you trying to help her , and yes, we is kinda in tha place where nuthing seems to help or matter and it really stinks..........it helps to know that you are out there lissening and otheres that mite maybe care about her
days like this we really questoin WHY we keeps putting one foot in front of the other day after day it seems like a uphill losing battle we cannot will not ever win
hopeless,
bead

((((((((bead))))))) ((((((((beads)))))))) ((((((((beadlady)))))))) (((((((((mary of beads)))))))) (((((((((((((((((((((((((all other parts i've not met yet)))))))))))))))))))))))) Please excuse me if i've included anyone by mistake or forgotten anyone by mistake.

Caring for all of you...hope the icky feelings pass quickly for you.

((((((((((((MeSo))))))))))))
we appreciate that you care very much.
the icky feeling is starting to subside a bit, and you help us ge thru it..beads

((((((((((((((((((little Manda)))))))))))))))))))

thank you for caring about beads.....
we appreciates that you is here for her also........
( sorry but we did not see your last post rite away)

hugs,
beads

to infinity

((((((((((((((((((((MeSo))))))))))))))))))


beads

jewels loves beads so so SO much an we hate ta see u like this...but were glad u r here an at least talkin...what a good job that is...we r sorry u have a rough road ta hoe right now...will sit with u an watch the stars come out tonight...

(((((((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))))))))))
you is the goodest sweetest bear around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks for the hug and for all of your support,


bead

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jewels}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
my sweet freind how wonderful and comforting it is to hear from you........
beads has missed ya.............
we are learning to speak up about stuff gooder...one small step at a time...
it is soooooooo hard for bead to share even with freinds here but we IS trying cuz we knows we needs to.........it seems like it gets harder every day to walk this path,,,,,like were thinking iffen wed a knowed how difficult therapy would be before we started we never would of but now were in the midst of it and cant go back to where we were,,,,,,,,,but still so very far from where we want to be .......
we is as agitated as the wind outside cuz....no surprise here ....we see T tomorrow and were already nervous about what ing. in the pot he will stir up this time........like he dont seem to get that it is taking us more and more DAYS to recover from the time before in between sessions and then we just start feeling human again and BAMit is time to start all over again.............dunnow how much more of this bead can take before she cracks up For Real For Good...........were getting to ( what you mean getting)
that point in therapy where we have to go where we doesn't want to go and soooooooo scared..........our avoidance skills are sticking out like a sore thumb but they aren't even working rite not like they used to we are all coming apart at the seams
bead
(not getting enuf beadwork done to do motorcycle show cuz we is so screwed up and that DOES NOT help matters)

beads...u NEED ta start talkin bout the pain an stuff thats buried inside...thats how u get bettr...an we know it aint easy...an we know that its darn near impossible ta share cuz u dont fully trust yet...but honey its time ta start...an we will b with u all the way...an u can call us whenever u need ta..even at 3 am if u need the help that bad...procrastination will bump u right outa a good life...an a good future too...we r prayin for u today since u go see ur T...an we hope that u have the gumption ta start talkin...not just bout surface stuff...but what u need ta share...just a little bit...an then u can back away an let the T ask questions/give feedbaack/give comfort/give direction...u r never far from our thoughts...an no we r prayin for u for today specially...

abbi of jewels

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{abbi nd all}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
we couldnt handle this stuff the first time around....................
how in the world is we supposed to be able to deal with it now??????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bead stupid life stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:love u sweet freind and we is so glad you are near!!!!!!!!!!!!!
beads

Bead people do handle it the second time around. Just go slow. Can you tell your T that?