[shezbut]

The memory of SA when I was 5 is haunting me. I cannot let go! I keep trying to relax and let go, but I can't! I keep getting triggered ~ and this morning was really bad, during a visit with my T as I talked about a trigger.

My sleep pattern has sucked (BIG time!) for over a month. Only getting about 3 hours of sleep per night. I look like crap, I feel like crap, and I'm feeling overwhelmed by intense emotions!

Shez

[Miracle1986]

sowwy usadshelzlady

[shezbut]

Thank you Manda

[multipixie9]

dear shez,

i am sorry you are feeling so bad. we went through some of that too and it is so ugly and cruel and wrong. whoever hurt you is a bad, bad person and deserves to be punished for hurting you.

i don't know what you really need to hear, but I do hope you can find a way to comfort yourself and tell yourself that the bad people can't get you again. all that you all are feeling is real and human and it will eventually begin to heal and not have so much power over your peace.

gentle hugs if you want them,

leslie and pixies

[shezbut]

Leslie and pixies,

Thank you for your kind support.

Shez

[Jewels]

shez...

im sorry u r hurtin so from ur memories when u wuz 5...what i can tell u is that u survived the intitial abuse an that is all over now...those ppl can never come an hurt u again...an all this is just memories...big big scary memories--but u made it the first time an we r sure u can make it again...we say prayers for u ta help u thru this scary time...im glad u could come here an talk about it...i hope u get better soon an can catch up on some sleep...

abbi of jewels

[shezbut]

Thank you abbi of jewels.

Shez

Don't know if you are seeing a therapist (T)---if you are, talk to him/her and perhaps your T can work on that with you.

If not tell yourself you are safe. Do something for yourself that helps you to feel safe. Use some distractions like taking a walk or reading a fun book or color or play a game.

It is disturbing and scary, but you are safe now. As you walk thru this, tell yourself you have survived. You are grown up and you can keep yourself safe now.

Unfortunately this is part of healing.......

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by white_iris

Don't know if you are seeing a therapist (T)---if you are, talk to him/her and perhaps your T can work on that with you.

If not tell yourself you are safe. Do something for yourself that helps you to feel safe. Use some distractions like taking a walk or reading a fun book or color or play a game.

It is disturbing and scary, but you are safe now. As you walk thru this, tell yourself you have survived. You are grown up and you can keep yourself safe now.

Unfortunately this is part of healing.......

I do see a psychiatrist, once per month, and am trying to get in to see a psychologist regularly. Regular appointments with him cannot begin until June 30th. I'm hoping to get into DBT, as an hour/week doesn't offer much hope to me. Don't know if I'm over-dramatizing and am expecting too much...my psychiatrist's nurse was pretty frustrated with me yesterday.

Thank you for the post ~ offering understanding & experience.
Shez

[turquoisesea]

June 30 - a while but at least that's a date that's a good start.

Frustration is natural, but do realize that things will take time. Set small goals for yourself. I'm sorry the nurse was frustrated with you - one thing to remember with nurses is they have to put up with a LOT on any given day and they are human too. So it may not even have been just you.

Wishing you the best of luck

[Hunny]

Shezbut

It's pretty common to have this sleeplessness and strong emotions with flashbacks. Don't lose heart...it's likely a bit of PTSD. Try to catch your zzzz's when you can for now, even if they are not all in a row. It's a stressful time for sure and it's good you have hope for a date for therapy in the not-too-distant future.

H

[shezbut]

Thank you Hunny

I am still hanging on....Thanks for sharing kind thoughts and tips to make it through!

Shez

[shezbut]

turquoisesea,

Thank you . True, better to have some date to look forward to than simply blowing in the wind.

Any tips on what are reasonable small goals to set? How do I stay grounded when there are many triggers in everyday life? Does one avoid living their normal life, until things begin to improve, or stick it out & do it anyway??

Shez

Hmmm--tips on setting small goals--you can go as small as getting out of bed in the morning and then showered or washed up and getting dressed.
Really don't know where you want to begin.
When we had to set "small goals" it was basically daily needs then moved on to doing some activity during the day. Goals jumped around alot for awhile.

Even now, we have goals that require us to do things like limit computer use, let others share time either as a day or half day or by the hours....., do something for myself which might be reading or napping......

staying grounded in the midst of things is tough......there are some sites which talk about grounding skills--one here i think. check it out for ideas.

keep living your life as best as you can. one foot in front of the other. small steps. you may need to sit down and rest a bit, or re evaluate what needs to be done....for us having a bit of "normal routine" helps keep us grounded. same time waking up, going to bed, eating etc.....

By the way, there is a DBT chat here also--check the calander for info on it. Might get you in the right direction while you wait.

[shezbut]

Thank you very much white iris. I greatly appreciate you sharing ideas and your techniques with me!

Shez

We hope you feel better now. Panic is awful. It is safe here.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by Calista+12

We hope you feel better now. Panic is awful. It is safe here.

Thank you Calista+12

Shez

[turquoisesea]

I think Iris gave some great ideas about small tasks to do. I agree... in making a goal I try to make it something I'm capable of, no matter how small. And I also center my small goals around my bigger ones.

[Jewels]

((((((((((((((((((((((((shezbut))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

we r glad ta see u again...gentle hugs iffn u want them...havin panic is very difficult ta deal with an hard ta get rid of...we know that from havin panic time just a couple of days ago...we hope that u will b feelin better an we will b sittin with u till the panic is gone...

abbi