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#1
Oct 16, 2009, 06:04 PM
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After 32 years of trying to show my wife my love, it finally dawned on me 3 years ago that she just doesn't love. She has expressed this to me verbally many times along with, "why don't you go get a hooker" or "Go to a bar and pick up a woman".
She wants a divorce, so do I. For three years I've slept in a recliner chair in my den, and lived like a boarder in my own house waiting for her to file the papers. We have been totally separated under a single roof now for about 3 years. A few days ago I asked where she was at with filing divorce papers and she went nuts! Horrible behaviors I don't even want to bring up here. Now, she WON'T work, I pay the mortgage(s), all utilities, all Bills period! and she gets $1600.00 a month to do what she wants with. Part of that used to be groceries be she hasn't bought food for me in 3 years nor has she cooked a single meal in all that time. All my eating is at restaurants or something from one of the 'OTHER' basic food groups: canned, frozen, prepared, or fast. I make pretty good money but there is no way I can afford to maintain 2 households and I really have nowhere else to turn. I've told her that I won't leave her destitute and of course she owns half of all our assets (and debts). I don't think she's going to file...should I? Man if I do there will be hell to pay under this roof. HELP! |
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#2
Oct 17, 2009, 11:12 AM
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I don't know anything about California laws. But I would venture a guess that the longer you wait the worse off you will be.
Consult with an attorney NOW. Find out the damage. Get your options. Decide what you want to do. Delay will only make it worse. You deserve to be happy. Of course, here it comes: Money isn't everything. I've been married 4 times. I finally found Mr. Right and I am very happy. We are not rich but I can tell you that whatever amount of time I have with him is worth it. Good luck.
__________________
 Vickie
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 lynn P.
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#3
Oct 17, 2009, 11:24 AM
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I agree with Vickie - consult a good lawyer ASAP. I don't mean to be negative but I'm basically in the same situation as you except I still treat my husband respectfully and he's welcome to eat whatever I make. It's awful living like roomates. Is there another bedroom you can sleep in?? Do you have children? It would be worth it to split the equity and move into a smaller house. She has abandoned you and make sure the lawyer knows this. You have a right to live a peaceful comfortable life. Best of luck
__________________
 This is our little cutie Bella  *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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#4
Oct 18, 2009, 02:24 PM
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Go see a lawyer as soon as possible. At the same time ask her if she wants to go to marriage counseling. Cut off her cash flow, only give her money that is mandated by the courts. Start living your own life, take care of yourself and don't worry about her. She sounds like she is very capable of taking care of herself one way or another. When you start taking care of yourself and standing up for yourself she just might have a whole new appreciation for you, and if not, you are still doing the right thing. Your wife is acting with a complete lack of respect for you.
__________________
 I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you." Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure. Can't stop you from praying and blessing me, and if that makes you feel better feel free. But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me. And let's all respect each other's feelings. With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings."
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| lynn P.
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#5
Oct 18, 2009, 02:47 PM
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Mandozilla53,
I'm sorry for your plight. My husband and I have been married for 36 years. There have been marginal improvements in my husband's ability to express love and concern for me over that time, but nothing to write home about. He is basically selfish and self-centered. Financially it has always been more favorable to stay together. I don't know what to tell you, but I just wanted you to know I empaphize.  With these crazy economic times, I have heard more people are staying under the same rooves just to financially survive. Best wishes, EJ |
| lynn P.
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#6
Oct 18, 2009, 03:38 PM
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file for divorce, this is a nightmare for you, why go on this way for 10 more years? it's not fair, she is taking from you and giving you nothing, end it... fast! move on and live your own life, she needs to move out and get her own life....good luck and don't look back.... i have been here, and i filed, best thing I ever did, i lived like a roommate for 7 years, i cooked, cleaned, shopped, paid bills, it was terrible, i had to find strength and I just did it, everything fell into place and I am happier now in my life, married my soulmate 2 years ago and i have never looked back!
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| lynn P.
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#7
Oct 18, 2009, 03:59 PM
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My husbands brother lives just outside London. I am sick of hearing him complain about his wife. He's been threatening to leave her as long as I've known him (12 years). But he won't because he "can't afford to". Of course, he's a millionaire plus and is retired (he's 58). He doesn't like the fact that when they jet off to Spain, the son and his kids always show up and he can't get any peace. His wife always invites them. He simply wants some peace. We have told him over and over to divorce her. He won't because he's too cheap. He'd rather be unhappy and suffer aches and pains due to stress. And have money. And go to Spain.
__________________
Vickie
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| lynn P.
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#8
Oct 19, 2009, 08:57 PM
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That last post seemed totally unrelated to your situation and I apologize for it not being more clearly relevant. My point was, he is pitiful in that he will never consider happiness important enough to get a divorce. But I don't see that in you. I sense that you are more interested in being happy at least in some word. I hope you are able to work this out.
__________________
Vickie
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| lynn P.
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#9
Oct 22, 2009, 06:45 PM
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Hey man..sorry to hear about your situation...man to man...been there, done that..the couch was my bed for many months...If I was you and you dont want to incur her wrath..maybe suggest a counselor for you to go talk to and go see a mediator so you can agree on how to separate property and such. Who knows, maybe this will generate a more peaceful resolution than just getting lawyers and filing...good luck.
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#10
Oct 25, 2009, 09:20 PM
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Well I got an attorney and filed for divorce. My lawyer told me that my story was the worse case of a toxic relationship she's heard in 30 years of practicing divorce law. She advised me, among other things, to get out of there NOW!...Which I did. There's no turning back and no regrets. I'm feeling relieved that, for better or worse, it's over. I know it's going to be painful in many ways but I gotta tell you, I'm already feeling a lot better and looking forward to the future.
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#11
Oct 26, 2009, 09:45 AM
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Good for you! Divorce is always tough, so be careful and take care of yourself.
 Keep us updated on how you are doing.
__________________
I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you." Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure. Can't stop you from praying and blessing me, and if that makes you feel better feel free. But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me. And let's all respect each other's feelings. With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings."
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