 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Aug 15, 2009, 02:39 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I have been in a relationship with my husband for 12 years. It has been a rough relationship, but being married with two beautiful kids, one on the way, I thought we should always keep working on our marraige. Instead, he has decided to leave and given up. We still have to live in the same house, and it is killing me. We are doing it till we sell the house and waiting for our third child to be born. I don't know how to seperate emotionally...and i need to for my own personal well-being. It is sooooo hard. I'm pregnant with second child and love him so much, but he does not want to be with me anymore. He has lied, decieved me and gone on vacations without me. He is definitely emotionally detached. How do I do this when I wasn't the one that asked for it?
|
|
#2
Sep 27, 2009, 07:35 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{neednewife}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
__________________
Phoenix47 |
|
#3
Sep 27, 2009, 08:40 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
 When I read your post I am so filled with sadness for you and your children. The challenges ahead of you all are large but with a Mom who is seeking answers you all have more than a fighting chance. There are no majic wands or simple answers to your question. It will be hard,,that is all I know. But,,,it will pass as all pain does with time. Set your mind on doing things that need to be done for you and the children and the one on the way..Keep your health up...your unborn needs a good start. Be task orientated,,keep busy,,keep communiating with freinds and family,,,and us... Get a lawyer...a good one to protect your family....meet with him/her to build a plan...be involved.. Somewhere along this greiving process anger will raise its ugly head...use it but don't let it use you....Anger can be a great motivator but it can also turn us into cynical mean spirited people...You have a right to be angry at what is happening,,,but no right to take this anger and move it to your children, friends or other loved ones... Think about therapy for you and your children...a breakup of this kind,,unless guided by a professional theraputic guide, can have long harmfull ramifications... Please keep commnicating and keep letting your children know that they are Loved and this is not their fault.. With Care, Lenny
__________________
I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
 Shangrala
|
|
#4
Sep 27, 2009, 08:43 AM
|
||||
|
||||
|
(((((((((((((((( neednewlife ))))))))))))))))
__________________
|
|
#5
Sep 27, 2009, 04:07 PM
|
||||
|
||||
 with what Lenny had to say. Separating emotionally from another person is a process and a difficult one. It takes time. I have found that concentrating on the here and now, breaking time down into hours or half days, helps me keep my focus on what I need to do and take care of NOW. That of course starts with your children and unborn child, yourself and moves on to work, family and friends. Some hours or days you won't get past taking care of yourself or your children. That's okay. As time goes on you'll learn more coping skills and be able to encompass all the important aspects of your life. Outside of getting along with the father of your children for their sake, you don't need to consider him or his feelings further than that. The less you think about and dwell on him the better off you and your children will be. If he's a good father, let him be one. If not, do whatever is in the best interests of your children and yourself. I do hope you will seek some professional help - seek out all the help and all the supportive people you can during this very difficult time in your life. Take good care of yourself. And remember that this time will pass and you will be happy again, especially if you are always trying to do the next right thing.
__________________
 I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you." Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure. Can't stop you from praying and blessing me, and if that makes you feel better feel free. But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me. And let's all respect each other's feelings. With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings." 
|
|
#6
Sep 27, 2009, 04:17 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I feel so sorry for you in this situation. It is not going to be easy especially with another child on the way. I have been married for 23 years and am separating soon. Although we no longer feel close the emotional separation is hard. It's like a habit I suppose. I think Lenny has super advice and I just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world. My heart goes out to you. Ophelia
|
|
#7
Sep 27, 2009, 04:26 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Your post sounds very familiar - did you post this in the Q&A section? I think I remember answering this post - my name is 'Bellacutie' over there. I know precisely how you're feeling because I'm going through the same thing. Please feel free to PM me if you feel like talking. It's a painful process but you will get through this. Lenny gave you some excellent advice. The important thing right now is to maintain your health especially your unborn child and the ones you already have. I will keep you in my prayers. You're not alone.
__________________
 This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
|
#8
Oct 14, 2009, 06:16 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
|
|
#9
Oct 31, 2009, 08:05 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
I wish I could help you in trying to detach from him but it will be difficult as long as you are living together. I know because I am in the same experience with a very big exception: I am not pregnant and my kids are grown, though one still lives at home. Everything Lenny advised is good...your a mom and you will feel good about yourself if you can continue to take care of all of them...but don't forget about yourself. Find some adult time for yourself...turn to trusted friends or family members for a listening ear, as well as for some social...fun activities. I understand how hard it is to mourn the death of your dreams....but once you get through this, you can and will create new dreams for yourself. It sounds as if your life with him was not a mutually loving experience...if he wants out, there's nothing you can do...and do you really want to have him in your life...or is it that you just don't want to be by yourself? I know that for me, it is that I fear spending the rest of my life alone (and my husband lies, calls me horrendous names, prefers to be doing anything else but be with me, and frequently tells me he wishes I would die...Somehow, we have to believe that there is a future...and that an unloving "somebody" is not better than nobody
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
