[arcanum]

Why does it hurt so much still after nearly 2 years of separation?

My daughter saw her dad for the first time on saturday since we split and i have cried almost non stop since ~ why? He hurt me so much but i feel i will always mourn what we lost. We should have been married for 21 years now, not about to get divorced. I fought against ending it for so long but i just had to or as my little sister put it ~ i was slowly dying ~ staying with him.

In so many ways i have moved on, i really didnt expect it to hurt so much still. I have an amazing man in my life, who i am deeply in love with, but it is in a different way, a grownup way, no less intense, but they are so very different.

I know i was right to move on so why cant i stop crying over it ~ when will this hurt lessen.....

[Junerain]

(((((((arcanum))))))

[Naturefreak]

(((arcanum)))
Lost for words . But I want you to know I truly do care

[babydoll233]

so sorry you are hurt, it takes a long time for the heart to heal, just let it happen, sorry you are crying, hang in there, look at all that you have now, you are much better off, maybe you never let it all out after you separated and there is no closure yet? I am divorced 5 years and am with a wonderful person now, i never look back, it's too painful being that I put up with such crap for years. Be happy.... take care of yourself!

[marjan]

Oh dear, I'm going to cry too...that's so sad and I'm so sorry for you...but good for you that you have a wonderful guy in your life....most of us are struggling to find one....so cherish your current love...because you don't want to lose him!
It looks like he was the first love of your life, probably that's why still hurts...and you feel for your daughter too...
just try to not think about it....I personally found out if I quite all contacts with the person then I will forget all about him....but I know it's difficult in your case, because of your daughter...
Crying is good for you....You should cry it out till you don't feel anything anymore.....keep a positive attitude and focus on your love, you will be fine...time is the best healer
take care of yourself
Marjan

[jerrymichele]

Tabbi I'm so sorry that this is painful for you. I have been threw a divorce also, and one thing is for sure every now and than things will pop up and get to you. One thing that I don't think changes is that your always going to feel some kind of love for him. It took me 5 years to get over the relationship with my ex. I'm not saying that your in love with him. My ex he is an a++, but I wish for him the best. You know that I have even been told that a divorce is worse then a death, because the ex is still living. And if he really hurt you then that leaves a scar. Sometimes I cry about some of the abuse that my ex did to me. He really did some crazy stuff to me. It will all soon pass. So just hang in there. We are here for you. Michele

[arcanum]

Thank you everybody

I am feeling a little better at present, though my daughter has now been invited to a party at her dads and will meet his new girlfriend. It hurts because a lot of the people who will be there are all people that i had spent lots of time with camping and climbing and treated as part of the family even taking one of them regularly on main family holidays as well. I havent seen most of them since the split. Its not coz we fell out, they are just extremely busy, they were efore the split, apart from getting away on quick weekend breaks climbing as they have lots of family commitments. I wont lose their friendship, but we will probably never take a holiday together again.

Anyway mustnt dwell right now, im ok and i have a wonderful new man and new memories to make.

[Naturefreak]

That's great Hun . Hope there are many great memories ahead for you . Nice to here you're feeling better .

[eskielover]

I guess I am very insensitive......as I left my husband 2 years ago....I do not have anyone else in my life & never would have the need or the interest.....I love my alone life with my dogs...I as I have moved across the country......we are still married as for financial reasons, divorce is impossible......I hardly even remember the 30+ years we were together.....I don' t miss him..& don't regret leaving......

Sound strange.....but I am one to live in the now & for the future.....like I really don't even know him anymore.

Think it's all how the mind works....I never could remember what a fight was about 2 minutes after it was over......can't remember a person that long either.....not really that bad, but I think it's the same mental thing.....actually I think I am glad I feel this way....makes being separated much easier.

Debbie

[eemapq]

HUGS!!!!!

We all recover differntly from differnt relationships. I once dated a man for 5months and cried for a year!! The last guys I was with 3 weeks shy of 6 years and I cried all of about 2 hours!! The differnce for me was I was still madly in love with the first and the second I have already pretty much mourned my relationship and knew it was over way before I left. Just hang in there.

Lots of hugs!!!