[Belle1979]

Hi All,

Long story short - My BF of 6 years just stopped loving me. There seems to be not reason other than the feelings just aren't there anymore. The is no cause for it - as he says I am wonderful person and I do everything he could have possibly want. We moved in together (bought a house) 7 months ago and I was under the illusion that it was all going great, we both wanted the same things in life. We were friends first before starting our relationship and to be honest we have only had one fight about 4 years ago.. It's just been unconditional love and friendship the whole time. Neither of us tired or wanted to change the other.
He says he's been feeling different for the past 2 months - when it first started he told himself that he was being stupid and tried to just ignore the doubt that was growing...
He finally told me - my world crashed down around me - he feels guilt as he never wanted to hurt me but he has. We went to one counseling session - I guess we were looking for a magic fix... He ended it a few days ago saying that he just feels 'nothing' for me (no love anyway). I am struggling to cope and he is trying to support me in every way to get me through this? Weird I know but he still cares for me and is attracted to me but just doesn't love me.. I can't explain it and neither can he.
I want him back and since we have started the whole seperation thing I'm hoping that time will heal both of us and that with friendship he will realise that he never really stopped loving me.

I'd appreciate any opinions and advice plus anyone who has been in this situation and it has worked out well.

Thanks for listening.

[jenkins09]

I'm sorry your going through this. I hope your significant other will one day be honest with you and let you know what is really going on with him. Keep your head up and love yourself. I pray all works out for you.

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[DBacus]

I understand all of your confusion. I had our baby three months ago, and now he is just not feeling it anymore. I wonder if there were clues along the way?

[Belle1979]

For me when I look back now I do realise that there were 'clues' but I think that I chose to ignore them rather than see what was happening. He was a little distant - not physcially just emotionally. We would talk more about work than anything else (when we used to talk about everything).

We are still communicating by txt and email and things are getting more confused. In the end I caught up with him on Saturday. I had seen a therapist the Thursday before and he really thinks that he can help what we are going thro. My other half has been battling for the past 2 months with confused feelings for me - feeling 'no love' but not wanting to accept that's what it was.. he doesn't understand how or why he is feeling this way it is just what it is.
I saw him on Saturday because we are getting our messages confused... both looking for 'hidden messages'... Me looking for love and him thinking that he's getting my hopes up again and not wanting to hurt me.
When I actually saw him and we managed to speak in person it wasn't really as bad as what we had thought. He was worried that I only wanted to be 'friends' in hope that we would get back together and he was worried that I wouldn't take any opportunities that came my way as I would continue to 'wait' for him. In the end I explained that no matter what the future held I did seriously want to be friends but that the boundaries were not clear... both agreed that it is going to take time but we are open to a future either together or apart.
My Therapist had told me that some men find it hard to move into the 'companionship' phase of love, that they can feel like it's just died when it reaches this stage... He said put more passion and fire into when you see him next.... So I did. We had a lovely 'no strings attached' afternoon. Probably not the best for me right now but it felt right... Both of us were worried that we were making a bad decision to sleep together but in the end his response was 'Just for the record that was NOT a bad idea'..
I guess what I am hoping is that it was the lack of passion that robbed the love between us. Now we are starting to actually find out things that we both would have liked to change but never did anything about it.

Long post and probably doesn't make much sense.... I just hope that no matter what happens it's the best thing for both of us (even tho' right now I just want what's best for me)

Try some passion as long as you are sure you will have not regrets the next day! I don't have regrets but I do feel still emotionally sad... I'm giving it my best shot and if it doesn't work out then at least I can live with the fact that I have tried EVERYTHING

[Belle1979]

We talked again last night. It didn't go well, in saying that it didn't go the way I wanted. It's over and I just have to accept that. I started to get a bit nasty and that's not how I want the relastionship to end. We are taking a step back to trying to be friends straight away.
Right now I have to sort out the house stuff and move on. I can't think of being with another person but in time am sure that I will find someone who will love me forever. If not will just get a puppy

Anyone got any ideas how to move forward without it becoming a horrible break up that ends with only bad memories rather than fond memories of wonderful years spent together?

[kacey321]

dear missing mark , I have been/know how you feel.I have been seperated from my husband almost 4 years now so I am ahead of you.He walked out a few days after Christmas after a very bad argument with my 20 year old son and said that was the reason.He saidx he still loved me cared for me etc but could not live in under this roof anymore he felt"unwelcomed"this was the first he mentioned this at the same time my 19 year old son had started chemo for cancer talk about my world falling apart.
Well I kept going to our other home where he moved into for over 2 years every weekend we still had chemistry and passion but he still held to his stance and then did say after the 2 year mark our anniversery he would try a week back but not to get my hopes up etc. it was going well then out of the blue he got a puppy which would actually make it so he couldn't spend time at the house and tie him to the other house again I was blindsided and baffled ???well about 6 months or so later (so almost 3 years now he says he isn't in love with me anymore and has been trying to remember and its bothering him why !!!and we should stop making love and move on etc..and stop communicating ...then probably 4 months later he meets someone online she becomes his girlfriend and moves in a few months ago they have been together a little over a year now ...mind you we did start talking here and there nothing more have seen each other for stupid things like insurance things or whatever ,and no mention of divorce by him ...So I am at a loss he says we will never be together again don't get my hopes up,yet makes no move to end things totally (divorce,legal seperation etc..)so I am still in love unable to move on and wonder where his head is at ? And sure as hell wouldn't want to be his live in girlfriend with the (wife) still out here .
So missing marc being ahead of you and doing the begging,bargaining,trying to get him to see how good things were we never argued,cheated on each other,had alot in common,great sexual chemistry etc.I am still at a loss and hoping and deep down think he will return even though his lips and actions are confusing and contadicting....

I'd say GET OUT <DON"T CALL>DON"T EMAIL<BREAK ALL TIES <this coming from someone still doing it still in pain that worsens and worsens by continuing to hope and think he must still feel something if I only had the strength to tell him FU basically which I don't (to scared to) and I am 45 years old .I keep wasting years not days ,weeks,or months anymore YEARS>>>>>>>>>>>

[Belle1979]

Hi kacey321,

I've been through it once before (relationship from the age of 16-22) and know that what I'm feeling is normal and that EVENTUALLY most of the hurt goes away. I moved on, had a wonderful re-bound relationship which a wonderful caring man but I just couldn't love him...I was clear about this from the start with him so it wasn't a great shock when I finally broke up with him tho he did get hurt which I hate myself for.
When I started dating Mark I was in it for a 'fling' he made the steps to turning it into a relationahip. He knew that I had been hurt before and I don't think his intentions were ever to hurt me this way. He's done more soul searching and crying about this than I think I have - which is quite a lot LOL.
Last night was the first night that I didn't txt him goodnight. It was SO hard..and I didn't sleep very well thinking about it.
I have arranged a solicitor to do all the house paperwork (easier and I don't have to think so much about it if it's in someone elses hands). I did let Mark know that I had to go up to the house (this was in the afternoon) to get the house paperwork from when we bought it. I kept the conversation to just that. He said no worries and I said 'good, bye then'
I know that moving on is the only way to move forward. Can't say that I don't still HOPE that something will change and he will begin to love me again (chances are super slim). I'm hoping that by me taking a step back and not 'smothering' him with emails, txt etc he will start to think about me in a different light... It's not going to work I know but I think you know how I feel?
I have to keep some sort of contact with him until he moves out of the house and it's all settled - This is the hardest part because I seem to make excuses to txt, email, talk etc. I don't want to be this kind of person.

As for the friendship he seems to want to have with me now - I don't know/think it will work but after being friends before becoming a couple I'd like to give it my best shot I guess...

I'm so sorry that you have been going thro this for such a long time. You will find someone out there that loves you for who you are. I know it for myself but like you I can't think of moving on with out feeling physically ill.