[Can't Remember]

I've only been married since Nov of '07 but we've been together for almost 5. We're so different. We both have our own issues but we come at them from completely different directions. He doesn't understand my ptsd or depression. We can't get what we need from each other but we do still love each other. I did finally tell him though that I need to be on my own. I never really developed my own personality, I just mirror others or try to become what I think they want or need. On one hand I feel excited about the prospect of being alone and finding out who I am and doing things my way. On the other I feel so horrible because I do love him and I don't want to hurt him. I don't want him to disappear from my life. Anyone else out there like this?

[WHATTHEHELL]

I AM EXTREMLY SYMPATHETIC WITH YOUR SITUATION. I AM MARRIED FOR 3 YEARS, TOGETHER FOR 11. WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH SOME VERY ROUGH TIMES AS OF LATE AND I FIND MYSELF ASKING THE QUESTION
"IS LOVE ENOUGH" ALL THE TIME. THE PROBLEM IS I HAVE NO ANSWER. SOMEDAYS IT SEEMS LIKE ITS THE ONLY THING WE NEED BUT MOST OTHER DAYS I FIND MYSELF ALONE WONDERING IF ITS WORTH THE BATTLE. AND LIKE YOU DISCRIBED WE BOTH HAVE A VERY DIFFERENT SET OF ISSUES AND CANT SEEM TO GIVE UNDERSTANDING TO EACH OTHERS. I APOLOGIZE IF IM JUST RAMMBLING BUT READING YOUR POST JUST SOUNDED OH SO FAMILIAR AND WANTED YOU TO KNOW THERES OTHER WHO FEEL THE SAME WAY

[Can't Remember]

All I can say is I'm moving into my own place this week and I've never felt freer or better. Like a load has been lifted. He can't/won't/is afraid to change. We can't give each other what the other needs and it just wasn't fair to us both. Since this came up last week we've never gotten along so well or talked about things so much. We had a serious lack of communication, it was hard for both of us. I'm am truly excited to be on my own for the first time and learn how to be my own person. Like the movie The Runaway Bride, I'll find out what kind of eggs I like, not just what my significant other likes :-)

[NuckingFutz]

i fell in love with someone a long time ago and i knew that would not be enough even if i twisted myself into an emotional pretzel. I actually left the relationship before things got deeper...sometimes something will trigger my memories of that person and can dwell a bit on it...this person is also one of my favorite fantasies. I so wish we could have made it more than it was. But i am free to choose someone good 4 me.

[Can't Remember]

well all I can say is since leaving I've felt so much better. I think he was actually a trigger for me. I still have my struggles but its a complete 180 now. He was triggering me so much I was having panic attacks and waking up screaming and now I'm so much better.

[arcanum]

Well done for getting your life a little more sorted, it takes guts to walk away ~ be proud of yourself.

My ex used to trigger panic attacks in me too and even tho we love them we are better off without that kind of pressure.

No love isnt enough, we need empathy, support, understanding, acceptance and respect too ~ it is out there.

[wiselittleracoon]

wow,you guys are talking about something,the reason I came here.I'm not ready to give up yet.have a two year old little boy.glad you did what you needed to do for yourself.

[TUMIgirl]

Your post bought me to tears. See i always believed the opposite, love is truly enough. But the people have to truly love and eveything else will come. Truly loving someone means putting them first, all their needs first thru patience and understanding. We dont always do that. We become selfish and want what we feel we deserve and expect that the person who claims to love us to give it to us. But by thinking this way we are not truly loving. Im crying because I am going thru the same thing as you. Except my husband has decided to leave because i found it so difficult to change. It hurt to read how happy you are now, how much better you feel without that pressure. Those were his same words to me and it hurt to know his happiness was away from me. As i try and hold back my tears I must realise that although I love him with all my heart and would do anything for him I was being selfish and not truly loving him. I should have been more willing to deal with my issues and been there to help him with his. Instead what happened is we both expected the other to do first and starting losing each other in the process. I should have loved him more and didnt realise it till he was gone. I also know if I truly love him then I must allow him to be happy where ever that may take him. Im sorry that I started rambling but reading your post made me realise how unhappy my husband was with me.

[bpdevie]

Originally Posted by Can't Remember

well all I can say is since leaving I've felt so much better. I think he was actually a trigger for me. I still have my struggles but its a complete 180 now. He was triggering me so much I was having panic attacks and waking up screaming and now I'm so much better.

I'm glad you are feeling better. I am kind of in the same boat. My husband and I were only married for a year and now are going through a divorce. I was in the hospital for almost half of our marriage from severe depression, I was just so unhappy and he was a major trigger for me I think. I am feeling so much better now that were not living together. We still get along and everything but being together just wasn't working for us anymore.

[Can't Remember]

we still talk daily but things are so much better now. going our separate ways was definitely the best decision. I'm actually starting to feel like my own person.

[Yoda]

I too once felt that love would solve all. When my BF and I began to have serious problems I bought him the Eagles Cd with the song "Love Will Keep Us Alive". I so much wanted that to be true. Sadly I learned that love does not solve all. I didn't want to believe that but I finally learned that love songs are not reality. It still hurts.

I wish you the best of luck in your life journey.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Yes, I feel the same way.

My husband surprised me when we got married two months ago.

Lots of times when ppl get married there are things that come up we never thought would before.

good on you that you got out of it.

You need to meet yourself.

Good.

Billi

[dsnewo]

Any good therapist will tell you that only you can control your own panic or depression. Blaming it on one's partner is a common way to avoid taking responsibility for fixing your own mood disorder.