[shezbut]

Yep ~ ya f-in whoo!

I've expected this day for a couple of years now, especially since we began seeing the moderators one year ago. That doesn't make this time any easier for me though. Why? I don't know.

I'm already in another romantic relationship. Have been for about 9 months or so. But, it's sex. Great sex (which is pretty darn new for me), but that's our main connection. Whip de doo! What kind of life is this?

Seems pathetic and pointless to me. I'd rather have til death do we part, rather than be stuck in a life that has no sense of purpose. No committment. No honor.

Sorry, my mood is obviously pretty darn blue. Not the best time for me to post.

Shez

[AShadow721]

((((shez))))
I think that usually things happen for a reason. Even the bad things, they make us stronger people and we can learn from them. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

I hope that maybe you can learn to communicate better with your new partner, or maybe find someone else, or just try to do it single for a while. It's not always the best thing to start a relationship on the rebound. You might just be using the relationship to ignore your pain, to self-medicate. Those emotions you had for your spouse might be displaced unto your new partner, and you may still be trying to get over your spouse, so you might not even be able to be there emotionally with this partner. Also, we that have been SA'd have problems understanding how to have both an open communicating relationship on an emotional level with a sexual relationship. It's best to start with a friendship first, so that you can communicate as well. I know you want that connection as well as a physical relationship. Maybe you could try to slow it down, so that maybe this new relationship could grow into a full one?

I hope you feel better soon.

[sewsweetie28]

I'm sorry that you are feeling like this, I know it can not be easy when a marriage disolves! well at least you can get on with your life and close that chapter. Just want you to know you are thought of. (((shezbut)))

[lynn P.]

((Shezbut)) - these are all normal feelings and it will take time to process. I hope you will find contentment and happiness in this new relationship.

[shezbut]

You might just be using the relationship to ignore your pain, to self-medicate.

Yes, I am. I do care deeply about my boyfriend, and we did start off as friends thankfully! My boyfriend has been about the most positive aspect of my life in the past 6 months. He has introduced me to a couple of fun new real interests, and does encourage me to enjoy life as much as possible.

Despite our care for one another, neither of us are ever aiming towards marriage. We have been upfront with one another on this concept from the beginning. Both of us are disabled (which does complicate our personal futures in general). Meaning ~ he doesn't feel comfortable with certain aspects of his disability, and doesn't want to become a burden to anyone he cares about.

And me? My disability is invisible. A traumatic brain injury and epilepsy are my physical & emotional challenges. I've simply lost hope in the safety of marriage. In my world, there is no such thing. A very sad and scary reality of current Western civilization. I can't venture into ever becoming hopeful again.

Oh, and yes, my SA experience does affect me in many ways. Thankfully, my boyfriend has been pretty understanding with me. My moods are pretty up and down. I suppose the BPD and brain injury are the culprits of that. Not unusual...but not fun either.

Okay, you have spoken about the downside. What about the upside? You likely are grieving. The SA experience needs attention. Now that you are free too, how do you envision a better life?

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Okay, you have spoken about the downside. What about the upside? You likely are grieving. The SA experience needs attention. Now that you are free too, how do you envision a better life?

Jeez, you asked a couple of tough Q's! LOL

I am working through my issues in DBT group as well as with my personal T. Heck, I feel as though I'm always at a doctor's office ~ crazy world sometimes. But...that is my life.

Honestly, I don't envision a "better life". I presume that my world will get better as I slowly come to terms with the past and present. That's my perspective anyway.