Just don't know anymore

I've never believed in divorce, always thought when you got married it was for life. But I just don't know anymore, I'm so unhappy in every situation. I've been married for almost 12 years now but the last 6 years we've both been on the Methadone clinic and I would say, "not truly ourselves". I've just recently come off of the clinic and am trying to stay clean but he's still on it. He was supposed to come off of it when I did but has made no effort so far. It's so hard for me to see him "high" when I want it. I guess I have many of the problems that a lot of women do, if he leaves, he takes the money, the car, I'll have no way to work, no way to support myself. I have no family here, no one to turn to for help. I'm unhappy with myself for living this way. I spend most of my time just walking around emotionless towards him and everyone around me. I don't know what to do or how to handle the situation.

Still hopeful,

I'm really sorry you are going through this; it's really hard when you are trying to make changes & the one you love rarely sees past their addiction. Please try to take things one day at a time and place your focus on yourself and the positive changes you are making in your life.

I know others will offer you their support, and I want to offer mine as well; please take care and know that you are not alone and there are people who are here for you,

Rhiannon

Hi Stillhopeful,

Have you ever tried a meeting group? I've been going to Al-Anon and found that helpful. I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling right now. I know that emotionless feeling, no fun. Is there anything you can find to enjoy by yourself, to have some space to think a little? Aside from a group meeting... finding some time alone to clear your head might help - a hike, or a visit to a lake or botanical garden?

Elana

Thank you for your support, I do love him and will always care about him, he is the father of my child, but the feelings of "in love" are not there. I have built up a lot of anger towards him and maybe resentment too. He wants me to help him come down and off Methadone, I just don't know how long that will take and what will happen between now and then. I'm having a hard time dealing right now.

Hi Elana, I don't like to be alone with my thoughts, they always seem to end up bad. I get depressed and start thinking how much easier it would be just to escape and become numb to everything through drugs and that's not what I want.