worried about my future self-confidence and trust issues

having lived a prolonged no. of years in isolation forced to avoid interactions with people by my ex, i still find it difficult to talk to people upfront. if on the phone and as long as they are people i know , i have no problem. but when it comes to strangers or or even opening the door to recieve a courier i panic asking my mother to do so instead i get constricted at the throat. i am now wondering how i need to over come this fear? obviously my self confidence has taken a hit, i am a professional and i need to get back to work soon which will involve interacting with a lot of new people. i simply dont want anyone to see me. and judge me.. help i am going nuts thinking abt this...

Bless your heart ~ I lived with a controlling ex for many years -- and he pretty much kept me from people too -- he even "checked on me" when I went to see my parents who only lived a few blocks away!!!

I felt very anxious too once I got away from him. It was very difficult for me to talk with others -- unless like you said, it was on the phone.
I went to talk to a psychologist -- we had several sessions -- and she helped me immensely. That particular issue didn't take a long time to deal with -- somehow she got my self-esteem built up to the point where I felt better about myself and wasn't so anxious!!

Why not see a therapist? It might not take years & years to deal with this -- chances are you'll feel better soon! But it's important that you talk to someone about this -- otherwise you'll be paralyzed in social situations or at work! Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee

I understand completely! I lived with a man for 21 years and earlier this year he beat me up. It was the first and last time. I moved 1100 miles away and finally feel safe again...physically, anyway. As for interacting with people, I have no confidence in my judgement of people and I am afraid to make any new friends. I was so wrong about him and about the people who I thought were my friends but who abandoned me or took his side that I don't trust myself with new people.

It's not a matter of judgement for me. It's a matter of not wanting to get hurt again, either emotionally or physically. And it's also a matter of not wanting to put the time and effort into a new friendship only to find out it wasn't worth it.

Maybe we can help each other figure this one out? I keep getting told it's going to take time. Maybe that's what you need too? I did go to a therapist and was told I was handling the situation better than most. If you haven't gone, you might want to consider it.

@ new2 ar & @ leed thanks for your kind words. i completely feel for the sufferings that u have gone thru. i was hurt beyond what i thought i would ever stand . before marrigae i would never take any nonsense from any man or woman. if it wasnt justice i would raise avoice. then after the supression began i sort of lost my mind. he hit me verbally and physically threatening me with dire consequences to me, my dignity in public and my parents. somedays i would vehemently resist the insensitivity he showed towards me ( including demanding i massaged his body aching from drving at break neck speeds in traffic)that it ended up in fights including pinning me to the bed and flinging me across rooms. he had already spread word among neigbours that i screamed and raised my voice for the least frustration so they would never check up. i am glad to be out of all that atleast now i can breath in peace. not anymore, never again. these words got me out. and the conviction that i tried everything that is humanly possible and possible by me to save that marriage is what stands behind me in the journey of getting rid of that man, his beliefs, and memories banished away into oblivion. i want to go to a professional to speak things out but cant afford them. so this forum will do giving me the encouragement and courage to go on day to day.i am now taking each day trying to meet new people and at first trying to pretend being comfortable then slowly progressing to actual comfort. i now realise i can shed my earlier notions that people are trying to judge and hurt you and can begin to trust some people i feel are capable of being genuine persons. evryday is a new day...i want to keep my head up all the time which was a difficulty when i first came away. god is helping me thru....
good for you for handling your situations well. kudos and hugs too. thanks again.

I too understand how you feel. I was married to a very controlling man for 4 years & during that time distanced myself from my friends. A few years into our marriage, I literally did not have 1 friend I could call to hang out with or call for advice. It was very lonely & I was scared to death when my marriage eventually ended.

I ended up becoming friends with a few people I met on a social networking site. After emailing & chatting numerous times, I was finally able to meet these people in person & for the past 5 years they have been my main social circle.

Making new friends, meeting new people, & allowing yourself to trust others even if it is just to open the door to receive a package can be hard. Opening that door or chatting up the cashier at the grocery store as you check out is a start. Hopefully, doing small things like this will bring you out of your shell.

Things will get better & eventually you will find it easier to talk to people. You may want to try attending some meetings for group therapy such as, Co-Dependants Anonymous. Attending these meetings will give you the opportunity to meet new people & learn to speak to strangers knowing for sure they will NOT judge you in anyway. Meetings helped me through my divorce & definitely helped get me out of my shell.

I hope my suggestions helped & you take that first step. You'll feel great once you do.

@ red thanks and god bless . yu have surely given me hope. i want to break that invisible lasso of apprehension he has worked into my head. i will do it. god be with you and enjoy. u deserve it!