Is it jealousy?

I have been separated for almost 4 years now and something has been bothering me since I left my wife. Almost since the day I left, my wife has started living the life that I had always wanted her to and doing the things after I left that she would never ever do when we were together.

A day never goes by when something happens that feels like a slap in the face because she has become the person she refused to be when we were together. Is this some type of jealousy on my part?

I dont know if its jeolousy, maybe a little bit of anger because your wife did not love you enough to change for you. And now that you see the woman she has become and the woman you wanted her to be you feel like you missed out, and i think your probably still in love with her.

But its been four years and she obviously has moved on, so you need to too. Its a sad story, because now she has the life you always wanted for her, the only difference is your not apart of it to share it with her. And by the sounds of it she does not want you to be, otherwise you too would be back together if i wrong then im sorry there just was not alot of information.

Work through your feelings and if you do love her love her enough to be happy for her, and love yourself enough to go out and find the woman you want and deserve. The sad truth is in making these changes for herself she outgrew you, even though thats what you wanted.Hang in there !

Your first paragraph up to I might still be in love with her is correct. If it wasn't for my kids I wouldn't give her a glass of water to keep her from dying of thirst. She didn't want to be a partner in our marriage so I left. It just irritates me that she can be the type of person now that she refused to be when we were together.

I'm sorry you are having these feelings. What you just wrote causes me to think that perhaps she was never truly happy about the marriage. You mention "kids"... was it a shotgun wedding because she was pregnant?

Oh no. Our first child was born almost 3 years after we were married. I can't honestly tell you why she acted the way she did. She got the 7 year itch and had at least 2 affairs. But her reasons for having them varied between who she told. Maybe she realized after I left that she had been missing out on life but for whatever reason she didn't want to be partners with me.

Maybe she just didn't realize who she was. I'm really sorry you feel slapped in the face mr70; but maybe she was just the type of person who doesn't do "married" well?

There is a lot of support here at PC, I hope it helps you in some way,

Rhiannon

Hey Mr 70.
You know you answered your own question!. As you said your irriated and angry because she did not want to become that person she is now when you were married. Plus you have to constantly be reminded of this because you have to see her because of the kids.
hang in there !

It sounds like you have not worked through the loss of your relationship yet. I think it would be best to focus on you.