Getting over her.

3 months post break up. Brief synopsis, grew distant with GF of 8 1/2 years due to her keeping me at arms length because of her troublsome son. 1 day we stop texting each other, due to strains in the rel. 2 weeks later I get a call saying she has put on FB that she's in a rel...with my friend!!!! Utter shock and devastation have ruled my life since then, the anger, sense of betrayal and the silence from her was deafening.

I kept my pride and dignity, did not go after them demanding answers, she may have been cheating, she may not...I will never know and after 3 months of being swept aside, does it even matter?

To all of you who have been discarded and dismissed and it's still raw, hang in there. It gets a little easier in that she doesn't frequent my thoughts 85% of the time anymore, it's nearer to about 65, 70% now, which is progress to me.

To try to help myself, I ate, rested/slept as much as I could, exercised and got out with friends. Inertia breeds contempt. You have to put yourself in the drivers seat and look ahead, as only you can change what is.

Yes, tend your open wounds, cry, get angry. Do not supress any feelings you have, you have to get them out to start moving forward

So just a message of hope really, time is your best friend, that and nurturing yourself and accepting your feelings, good or bad.

What a dirty deal. It sure seems like she could have been woman enough to be honest with you! But honesty doesn't seem to be in her vocabulary!

Thank your lucky stars you're rid of her -- I KNOW you're in pain, and you don't feel very lucky right now -- but it sure would have been a lot worse if you had married this girl! And yes, you did have alot of years invested in her -- but hopefully now you'll find someone who is OPEN and HONEST!

I wish you only the best -- you gave good advice. Take care & God bless! Hugs, Lee

Thanks Lee, much appreciated. Funnily, she always prided herself on being the "loyal, faithful truthful, whiter than white, I dont even look at other men", type of woman.

She actually kept asking me to marry her, but the keeping me at arms length and rarely seeing her towards the end, put stop to me even thinking aboiut commitment.

It is still hard some days, i cant lie, but my strength is gaining momentum a little, I can feel it. I was so angry at her for cheating and leaving me without telling me, what a coward...but 3 months later, i'm coming round to actually forgiving her and wishing her happiness....I'm not forgiving her just yet, but am getting to that milestone slowly I think.

So, I would also say, if you have built up anger and hatred, don't suppress it, let it out, because eventually it will subside...given time.

Hello Hoppipolla,

It was good to read what you had to say about moving on... I found out today that my ex is already in a serious relationship with someone else (we broke up two months ago) and sometimes I feel like I am never going to get over this. Reading your post gave me hope and reminded me that most people go through the same thing at least once in their lives, and noone dies from it (even though it sure feels like you are dying). Thank you very very much for sharing

Have a blessed weekend!

This is very good advice I myself have been trying this for 7 months and their is still times when i have break downs.

Same here I have been doing this for seven months now. I am still completely in love with. It honestly feels like nothing really works. It is really good advice at times you feel invincible like it won't be hard to get through this. But I feel like most of the time I don't feel like that. I guess everyone has different ways of getting over someone they love.

Lyzzyy, 2 months is not long at all, so don't worry about the feelings that you'll never get over it, you will eventually, it may take a few more weeks or a few more months, nobody heals at the same speed.

It's a horrible thump to the stomach when you hear they have another partner, I still get flashes of the moment my sister told me on the phone that she was in relationship with my friend, i could have dropped like a stone to the floor.

Hope121, same thing, 7 months and still in love with them is not THAT unusual. but you must focus on you and the here and now, happiness can only come from within, not from others, so nurture and look after yourself, fill your life with new experiences, they in turn will bring new people into your life and everything new or familiar you do in life will be part of the bridge you build from your past with your ex and your new life...embrace it, you only get one shot at life.

Some great advice. My wife told me about 3 weeks ago that she has reconnected on Facebook with an old highschool friend. She decided that he could offer her what she really needed and has decided to break up our relationship of 18 years. Dealing with the emotional pain of losing someone might be one of the most difficult things in the worls to cope with. I'm not a religious person but I stumbled upon the teachings of the Buddha. I realized that it has so much to offer me and anyone that is in a state of suffering. The hardest part that I'm finding to deal with is like with any tragedy, holding onto negative thoughts. I'm not even close to being able to push all of those aside just yet but buddhist philosophy deals very much with the power of mind over matter. It's a slow gradual process to mend a broken heart but the mind works wonders in the healing process.