My Ex Fiance & His New Wife...ugh

I don’t know what to do. I need some advice.

My ex of three years and I were engaged. Last July he left me for another woman he’d been seeing for four months of the end of the relationship. She is 10 years younger than I am, 5 years younger than him, and she was divorced LESS than 2 years before they started dating. He dated her for months and lied to me.

He did horrible things to me like one time I was almost going to call an ambulance I was so sick and I begged him to come give me a ride to the hospital (we lived together but he said he was camping with his mother/dad and his grandma), and we live far away from a hospital. Instead of being honest (he was driving my car and didn’t own a car), he said he was camping – he was really with her. I had to call a friend and pay her to take me to the hospital. That’s just one instance.

He told me he wanted to break up with me in June last year, but then relented and pretended that if I got help for my bipolar ii disorder that maybe he'd still stay with me. He even went as far as to put all the problems in our relationship on me for blame, making me feel worse. I cried so much. I lost thirty pounds from not eating I was so stressed out and then my hair even started falling out. All this time he was spending the night with her even though we lived together and blaming these "absenses" on his family and best friend, I felt humilated when I found out.

Anyhow we broke up in July without him ever saying more then, “I don’t love you anymore.” “I met someone.” He really, really hurt me. 2 months after he started dating her they were engaged and living together, three months after that they were MARRIED.

I am so, so angry. I’ve moved on and started dating and I’m now engaged to a wonderful man who I marry next summer, but I’m still ANGRY. I purposely harass them because I wanted an apology from both of them (the girl knew he had a fiancé but kept seeing him and then had the audacity to blame me for his cheating because the “problems started before” she was involved, according to her).

I see them around town (live in a small city) and they started spreading all these lies and falsehoods about me and HE’S texted me nasty things when I tried to be kind to him and communicate with him FOR specified reasons. He threatens harassment on me. He’s abandoned EVERY SINGLE FRIEND WE HAD IN COMMON, he’s not friends with them anymore. He’s a complete jerk now.

Ideas on how for me to get over this and no longer want to harass these nimwits?

HE LIED TO ME AND HAD ME PAY ALL THE BILLS AND USED MY CAR WHILE HE WAS SEEING HER FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS AND HE DOESN’T HAVE THE DECENCY TO EVEN TELL ME SORRY?

I really pray that their marriage doesn’t work out and they divorce….I mean isn't there a saying, "if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you"? I mean no SOLID marriage can last after only knowing each other for 4 months, living together immediately at that point, and then getting married five months later.

I also found really inappropriate texts and pictures of HER on his phone before we broke up, officially.

My only advice is to realize how lucky you are that you didn't get married to him. Additionally, consider it a blessing that you found out about it when you did, let alone having found out at all. Consider it a blessing that you don't have to waste any more of your time with him. The girl he's with now realizes what a piece of trash he is, so at least there isn't much that he can conceal from her (at least until she finds herself in your position).

Consider yourself blessed to not be where she is now. The best form of revenge is living a happy and fulfilling life of your own. How can you get over him? By knowing that you're better than he is or ever will be. Don't worry about getting that apology from them. Hold your head up high, be proud of who you are, and take every opportunity to show off your wonderful new partner in front of them.

I agree with Sesame. You're very lucky you didn't go ahead and marry this jerk. If he was cheating on you when you were dating, he would cheat on you when you were married. And he will probably cheat on THIS woman too. Once a cheat, always a cheat.

Don't obsess about getting an apology, because you're NOT going to get one. He's not that kind of guy who is sensitive enough to care about your feelings. So forget the apology. And DO NOT harass them, as that will only get you into legal problems. You just need to chalk this up to a lesson learned.

Move on now with your new guy. You say he's great -- well don't screw it up with these feelings of hatred for your ex. If youi keep this resentment against your ex, then your new relationship will just go down the tubes and your fiance' will walk away. You've got to let go. REmember this: resentment is the poison I take to kill you. That's what you're doing -- you're killing yourself with this resentment. It's eating you up! So let it go, and move on with your new guy. And have a happy life!

God bless and I wish you the very best. Hugs, Lee

Do not harass them it will only make you look bad and they will use it as validation for why they treat you the way they do. You are better than that. Live your life, when you ignore them they will start to wonder where you are and they will assume your life has gotten better. They are not worth your time, and for your sake I hope their marriage fails as well.

It has been said that love and hate are flip sides of each other and that the true measure of getting over someone is apathy. If so, you still have a ways to go to move on.

Yes, you were wronged. But there's no way for you to get whatever it is you feel you're due (an apology, an acknowledgement, or whatever) out of this situation.

How a person makes peace with being wronged without redress is different to each person, but I strongly hope you can find a way to "charge it to the dust and let the rain settle it" as my mother used to say.

Good luck.

Hi.

Well it seems if you really wanted to get revenge on these people you would just upload those pictures onto the internet.

Of course I don't know what the legal ramifications of that would be.

Other than that I would just suggest that you move on with your life now. You don't want to be all hung up on your ex when you have a new man in your life. He will need your full attention if you're going to keep that relationship going.

Regards,

Toilet.

Our experiences sound really similar. My ex fiance also cheated on me for years and would tell me it was his right because of how badly I treated him. He accuses me in heaps so I dare not talk with him anymore. Because it was so distressing, I experienced hair dropping too.

What I am trying to say is I really understand. And I agree with Lightning Man to just move on, apathy is not hate. Its just nothing. Don't give him anything more.

Hugs, and all the best!

What he did, cheating on you, blaming all of the problems on you and your illness, lying to you… it was wrong of him to do that.
But you have no friends in common anymore. You have a new man. And he’s married to the other woman. Why are you even talking to him?

I know that you’re mad at him at him. But getting an apology isn’t going to make it all go away. He realized you weren’t the girl for him, and he just wasnt man enough to call it off. And you know that he wasn’t the right guy for you. Right? Or is that the real problem? Are you not as over him as you think that you are?

I was extremely hurt by my last guy of 11 years too who also put me through it and returned to his x .. I shook my head it all for a long time in disbelief like really ?

I used to think he would run off, meet this great gal and live happier ever after so to speak .. then one day someone shared a similar experience with me .. She said she was afraid her guy would meet an honest, caring, fuuny, committed, special partner who truly cared about him .. She said she realised she was afraid he would meet her .. lol might sound funny but it makes sense actually .. I too was afraid he would meet someone like me, someone who Truly cared about him, but if he truly wanted that someone, he had me first .. he chose to carry on in his compulsive behaviors ..

I doubt the two of them will have a wonderful marriage .. he's Already cheating and they just met .. I love the magnet that says if you carry your old bricks into a new relationship, you will build the same house .. he's expecting a new result with this girl .. the easy way out rather than deal with what's real .. I doubt they will last long; he's already proved he can't be honest and any honest relationship Must have trust .. if it doesn't have that it will not have a solid foundation and it will bare no fruit so to speak ..

We are Both lucky we didn't marry the jerks ..

"Living well is the best revenge."

I can't recall who said that, but it seems applicable to your situation. Move on. Find a new, better, HONEST guy. Be happy.

And your revenge will be complete.