I had a good marriage then screwed it up!

Thanks for the reply.....I found out her name* age* where she lived* even found out she had a cousin not 20 miles from here. (* denotes the reality that I understand that this is what she TOLD me, still may not be true) and we had communication away from the video game. I wanted to meet her and seriously considered running off with her (assuming she wanted the same). Anyway, that did not work out, I quit going to the game because I dont believe I should have ever been there in the first place. I was definitely in a manic/mania because I was taking huge risks in that game, spending money on anything and everything, stopped paying bills....typical manic/mania stuff (i just didnt know at the time that is what it was) and I don't really want those things or those choices but I am stuck with the aftermath now and so we are co-parenting our daughter and getting along now (when she does not feel the need to remind me of all MY mistakes).
She is playing the victim role out for all its worth...and I know this...so I just let her cause its kind of refreshing to see "mrs know it all" actually learn she does NOT indeed know it all!!!

I see. Then it sounds like a replay of the earlier manic episode you had twenty years ago - you quit paying bills, ran away with a RL lush, etc. Seems like a pattern to me.

Yeah and it always seems to happen when I am seriously stressed out. So now that I am on my own, got no one to blame but me and no one to make happy but me.
Still, the lonliness gets to me at times and I so desperately WANT a relationship but definitely don't NEED one...but I want one...ugh!

In the course of your planning to run away with the girl from the virtual reality, when did you inform your wife about the plan, or, when did she find out about it on her own?

The reason I asked this...

Bipolar disorder is episodic - the episodic nature is a hallmark of the disorder.

So the key thing is to observe patterns from episode to episode.

Manic people are not really in the best position to practice pattern-recognition skills. As you wrote:

In the ideal world, a qualified and calm p-doc would be able to spot patterns.

I doubt that you have had the same p-doc for twenty plus years.

OK, so a p-doc who has read about the episode with running away with a lush 20 years ago should have been able to spot the pattern when you wanted to run a away with the video game girl. To enable the p-doc to spot the pattern, you needed to tell him/her about the plan, though. Did you do that?

The then wife was actually through the episode with running away with the lush - she lived through it, with you. So it seems to me that after the p-doc, the next person best positioned to recognize the pattern was the then wife. But for her to spot the pattern, she needed to know of the plan. Did she know of the plan?

What I am getting at is the following: if she knew of the plan, and knew of your bipolar disorder, she should have recognized the pattern and phoned your p-doc. She really was in a good position to practice her pattern recognition skills because, unlike you, she was NOT manic. She probably would have been unable to reason with YOU during that episode, because it is very hard to reason with people at the peak of their manias, but she could have alerted the p-doc.

If she failed to act on recognizing the pattern by phoning the p-doc, she bears some responsibility - you are not solely responsible for "screwing up a good marriage".

I never told her about that one....the plan...cause I am pretty sure even she, the other woman, didn't know about it. I am pretty sure that my fantasy laden escapee hatch of a brain come up with that one all on its own (per se) and I hadn't made it that far. I had begun hinting around at meeting and it was met with caution. She wasn't sure since she was newly divorced and (I suspect) he was either abusive or controlling.
What she did find out about was how deeply emotionally I was given over to her...I just let it all pour out in messages to her and posts on her wall and the like. Since it was a place where I assumed only members could go, I held nothing back.
But the ex was able to get an alias and I didn't "protect" my messages so anyone could read them and she was an anyone...and read the messages and saw the pictures and I broke her heart into tiny little pieces. She (the ex)wanted that kind of emotional connection between us...it just came with so many conditions and expectations. She couldn't just let me be me...it's like she wanted some disney like relationship where her prince charming sould sweep in and be her perfect prince! So I just wasn't thinking clearly and made a huge mistake...but in some crazy way I am glad she read them since she pretty much ignored my other cries for help in our relationship (while I was equally busy on ignoring hers). Just like in 1992 when I spilled the ugly truth to her about that insane tryst I was in, it was a combination of regret, anger, humiliation, and relief.
I think a part of me is relieved that she already has met someone else and they seem to be getting along. She really is deserving of love and a good man. I am a good man..really I am. I hate all the ways I have lived and don't ever want to put anyone else thru that pain again. It will begin with me finding someone who just wants to be the woman with me first, and not being afraid to tell someone its just not going to work and then find someone else.
But first I have to deal with my own truth...it will set me free, but first it will make me miserable.

I am glad that she has met someone and that her having met someone is relieving rather than painful for you. That is a really good sign.

I am sure that you are a good man and eventually will find a good woman for yourself, too. You really need to have a good p-doc before that, though.

I have a good p-doc and a good T. I don't get to see them as often as needed due to increase in deductible (from $350 to $500) and a huge financial setback that I am still not over yet.
But equally as important (possibly more importantly?) I am completely aware of my ways and I know how things affect me and how I affect things. I know when I am getting down and I know how to recognize the difference between excitement and mania. I am in tune with my emotions (well, better now anyway) and I have been getting the rest I need. There is apparently some correlation between how much sleep I need and how level I am in my emotions. Less sleep, spike in irrational thoughts/actions, more sleep, more rational thoughts/actions. I kno w for some that may be a big fat DUH but for me I have always worked so much and been so over-active that I didn't realize how it was affecting me.

sleep is key in bipolar - so you are not alone, for sure. it is more important for bipolar than for pretty much any other mental illness