[OR82]

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, but to be perfectly honesty I have no where else to turn. Maybe here at least people come here because they want to. Better than the alternative of talking to someone who does not want to hear it, which is practically everyone. In December of '09 my ex-wife tells me she wants divorce. There were no warning signs, overt ones anyway - retrospect is an eye opener, and she said nothing about it until one day between Christmas and New Year's....BAM here you go! I feel empty and hopeless. Mostly because I cannot see any future of substance. I almost seem to have lost any social interaction skill whatsoever; not to mention that talking to people makes me agitated and extremely nervous...I hate it because I didn't use to be like this. I believe it all stems from being tossed to the street like a bag of garbage that no one would think twice about. I have dated one person since the divorce and to be honest she was crazy needy and I wasn't ready. I know the type of person I would like to find but I do not think she exists. Regardless, my question is...how long does it take to be happy again? I know that is ambiguous but it is the only way I know to say it.

[OR82]

I don't suppose anyone has any thoughts? I hate feeling this way but I cannot see any change possible in my current situation...

[Leed]

I know it's hard to heal after having something like that happen. She certainly didn't give you a chance to "make things right" like marriage counseling. That's a shame.

But I think it would be good for you right now to get some therapy or perhaps talk to a grief counselor. Either one would do you some good. You can get a grief counselor thru Hospice. They have some great ones. You ARE grieving the loss of your marriage AND your wife, so a grief counselor would be appropriate and they CAN help you! You might want to give them a try first. If that doesn't work, go into psychological counseling. Your doctor can refer you to a good counselor. But do it for you. It will help you get back on the road to recovery, as right now you're struggling.

I wish you the very best, my friend. Please keep us posted on your progress, okay? God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

It is different for everyone. My ex and I separated two years ago, papers were filed July 2012 and things finalized last month. The first year was awful. I spend a lot of time in therapy and working with my psych - mood disorder. It is a lot better, but when it was finalized I felt a wash of emotions hit me again.

It has taken a long time. Take the time to be selfish and really work on yourself. Try and get new friends. I lost friends through my divorce. I am working on the things I don't like about myself and what my ex didn't like. We are amicable for our kids, but I don't ask him about his personal life and he doesn't ask me about mine. Communicate only on a need to know basis and it will help so much. Take it one day at a time. Months down the road you will look back and say, "Wow, look how far I have come."

Happiness is not an arrival at something grand. Happiness is finding little bits of joy in each day, whatever it is. For me sometimes it is just a can of Diet Pepsi.

[Shhh19]

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. I guess it makes it harder if you haven't had any answers or closure. Have you tried to ask her what the reason for the divorce was? (sorry if I sound patronising I really don't mean to cause you any offensive, some people can't bring themselves to ask and others ask but do not get any answers).

I don't think jumping into another relationship straight away is the best thing to do. I know everyone is different but I think you need to work on mending yourself, take time to do things you like, take up a hobby, spend more time with friends.

It's hard to let go of the routine and life that you built with your partner. Take each day as it comes and I hope you will be able to come out of this and find peace and in time love again. Life is for living e have to try to stay positive. I'm going through a break up myself and I know how hard it is.

It's easy everyone saying these things to you but you yourself have to be ready to take it all in and make the changes in your life. Take control and try to stay positive. You will get through this just give yourself time and smile

Good luck.

[OR82]

Originally Posted by Shhh19

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. I guess it makes it harder if you haven't had any answers or closure. Have you tried to ask her what the reason for the divorce was? (sorry if I sound patronising I really don't mean to cause you any offensive, some people can't bring themselves to ask and others ask but do not get any answers).

I don't think jumping into another relationship straight away is the best thing to do. I know everyone is different but I think you need to work on mending yourself, take time to do things you like, take up a hobby, spend more time with friends.

It's hard to let go of the routine and life that you built with your partner. Take each day as it comes and I hope you will be able to come out of this and find peace and in time love again. Life is for living e have to try to stay positive. I'm going through a break up myself and I know how hard it is.

It's easy everyone saying these things to you but you yourself have to be ready to take it all in and make the changes in your life. Take control and try to stay positive. You will get through this just give yourself time and smile

Good luck.

I'll try to answer this in a short couple of sentences. I did ask for a reason and she didn't give me one, or at least a logical one with substance. I mean sometimes people can be very obvious when they are BS'ing you. As far as giving it time and all that, while I appreciate the sentiment, it has been over 3 years! What it comes down to is I am unlovable and no one wants me...pretty simple. Sucks but simple, not to mention pathetic.

[learningursula]

well I was very happy when my divorse was final because if someone wants out, it's best to just let it go and be thankful that this person is gone, look at it as a brand new start first of all getting yourself together before trying to put someone else in it!!!! and once you are confident in yourself the right ones wil come along, it's called "law of attraction you get what you put out!! So put out positive and that is what you will recieve. Good Luck.

[learningursula]

Just depends, as for me I took that first year to just get myself together. to think of it in a positive way, a brand new beginning!! To be able to make my life the way I want it to be, to put out positive vibes, so that is what I will attract, and then if someone comes along I make sure I am ready to entertain the thought of somone else,If it doesn't fell rightm you arent ready yet, you still have some work to do on you!! but don't be sad, be glad you have a second chance at being happy. Good luck.