I took the leap of faith and I´m relieved but terrified at the same time. Huge mistake or the beginning of something new and exciting. I honestly don´t feel at ease with my (ex)wife and yet we´ve been through very rough times for almost 11 years. She has been dealing with problems, not mental illness, and I have stood by her. Now she´s much better but I´m getting some kind of a p. disorder. I´ve had it from the age of 15 I think but it´s getting worse now. I can´t handle stress and problems very well. By the way, she has also stood by me, but I simply want out, sick or not sick.

Maybe I´m just one of those losers. I hope not. Maybe it´s possible to find some kind of happiness. At least I know that I have to start by loving my self, not only in some mania, but all the time. I´m by far my worst enemy. Sometimes I wander - why bother. I know many here have same thoughts in difficult circumstances and one of the things that gives me hope now is the fact that many of you have survived and are doing just ok. And to end my self pity - maybe, just maybe everything has some meaning.

[Leed]

Bless your heart ! I know how you feel. The ending of a marriage CAN be a huge relief, but it can be terrifying at the same time.

I ended my marriage of 26 years, and I have never been more relieved in my life, but I was also terrified !!! I had NEVER been alone before -- never. I married right out of high school - and I wasn't even pregnant. LOL It was a terrible marriage from the start, but being Catholic I stuck with it. Then we had 2 kids, so I stayed for the kids. I waited until the youngest was 18 before I divorced him - yes, even Catholic, I divorced.

Like you, I'm my worst enemy too. But therapy helped that immensely! We DO have to learn to love ourselves. If we don't love OURSELVES we can't love anyone else!! And getting on the "pity pot" is a bad habit - we always have to remember that there are others who are much worse off than we are.

Can you get into therapy? I'm sure it would help you. Why not give it a try? It was the best gift I ever gave myself. I hope you are able to get into therapy too!

I wish you the very best my friend. God bless you and please take care! Hugs, Lee

Thank you Lee I´m in therapy at least now. In july I am going to visit my sister in Norway and then some therapy in august. I hope this vacation and therapy will get me going enough to be functional. I´m ok now but very fragile so thanks again :-)
EE

[intergalactictraveler]

Meaningoflife,

My marriage of 18 years is the worst of both worlds. My bipolar illness got worse in 2004 and I could no longer work full time, then couldn't work part time, then went on government disability in May, 2011. My wife has been verbally/emotionally abusive since I first met her. I've come to understand it didn't start with me; she has serious emotional problems, probably Borderline Personality Disorder, as well being alcoholic, from a family of alcoholics who also have mood problems. No sex in three years and my libido has disappeared. I feel like you; I'm too much to deal with and she's too much to deal with and together, it's bad and I just want out so I can live by myself. I'm fine with that and I can handle my moods and health issues much better on my own.

In therapy and looking for a lawyer but I will need alimony from her because I can't work, unless I get very stable and handle stress better than I do, which is a faint hope. Stay positive and start therapy.