[oldlife_disrupted]

This is the day I've been dreading since it all began. I said goodbye to my daughter as I dropped her off at school, my son left soon after. She'll pick them up after school.

The thing is I'd be really happy if I had them full time. I was the primary care taker while she ran off with her business trips and her small business and then finally staying out until 2 in the morning drinking with her stupid friends wishing she was 20 again.

I gave a grudging goodbye for the week and now I learn to spend my time "concentrating on myself". But the truth is it wasn't the kids who were a time suck that kept me lonely and depressed, it was her.

This is a line she forced me to cross and because of it, I'm not sure I want her back.

No real points or questions, just needed to vent.

[gayleggg]

I don't blame you for needing to vent. When our world is turned upside down, sometimes venting is just what we need. I hope you have made plenty of plans for the week. You need to stay busy. Take care of yourself.

[oldlife_disrupted]

Well my son came back after school so she came to pick him up. He seemed ok, I chatted with him and assured him I'd come to his game tomorrow and see him.

My daughter was in the car and wanted hugs twice. Wanted to know exactly when I'd see her next. I told her to call me whenever she wanted.

I smiled my fake smile as they drove off. This is so f-ing unfair. I'm well aware I'm not the first to be left for BS reasons and I have it better than most but my entire soul wants to clench its fists, jump up and down and scream "I don't wanna". LOL!

Well my friend, my heart goes out to you but it will get better. As you get on your feet and you find yourself, your independence and grow you will change for the better and be able to endure the times without them more. I had my first long period without the boys this summer - almost the entire summer and it was rather tough but I made it. I know you can be ok, don't ruminate about the bad things, isolate yourself or make the depression worse than it has to be. I mean fight it as best you can!

They will always be your children and nothing will change that. dwell on that idea and remember they will be missing you most likely as much as you miss them

[kaliope]

divorce can be hard, but you are doing the right thing by focusing on the children. they can only do as well as you are doing. it is time to let go of the issues that caused the mess and start making decisions based on what is in the best interests of the children. nothing else matters now but them. don't hate each other more than you love them. take care.

[Gwynyd]

I also appreciate your need to vent and share your frustration. After the breakup of my first marriage I didn't see my youngest daughter for over two years and my world collapsed. Had some very ordinary Xmases and Father's days, but after she came home realised that she needed a good relationship with her mum and her dad, for her sake. So I bit the bullet and shared access much as you are doing and looking back it was a wise decision. My daughters are grown now but are still my best friends in the world.

[oldlife_disrupted]

We don't hate each other. I know yo guys are right, but knowing and feeling are 2 different things right now.

I had defined myself as a family man and was very active in my kids life. I thought this was great until my wife checked out and it's like I was cut in half and uprooted. Being my own person is foreign to me right now. I have plans but they all sound pretty ****** compared to hanging out with my kids right now.

Thanks for the sympathetic ears as it were

[Nobodyandnothing]

Oldlife, I am sorry you are going through this separation. No one wins in a divorce. It may help if you stop blaming wife for running off on her business trips and small business. She may not have really enjoyed this too much but it was a way to support your family, and you may have benefitted from this. Maybe you have a lot of things you can blame on her, but I would not blame her for these things. I had to do the travel and business stuff when my kids were small and it was a sacrifice, not something I enjoyed, but something that was necessary to keep my job.

I hope the week goes quickly for you.