Terms of separation

So my husband and I separated three weeks ago (see previous thread for details) we met last night to talk about where to go next. We agreed that I could take some time to determine what would need to change to consider reconciling. However now he wants to take me off of the health insurance. Which would mean I would need to get state insurance which is fine but one of the problems we have is him not investing in me. And for me this feels like one more area he isn't willing to care for me but expects me to just be ok and accept his crap constantly. Is it bad that if he chooses to take me off that would tip me more towards divorce because he can't seem to invest in us even when he's the one with the addictions and psychological issues. I have done nothing but be supportive and when I finally said enough and set some boundaries now I'm no longer worth caring for? I'm so confused

Taking you off his insurance is NOT OK....it's NOT ok until the divorce is final....then at times there are agreements in the divorce where they have to help pay for your insurance or continue providing it through their care....that is FOR THE JUDGE TO DECIDE....not the guy who wants to separate from you.....he owes that to you definitely as long as you are married.....so don't allow him to make any move at this point....just because he doesn't want to pay out the money through his insurance for you.....that's not a choice he can make.....as long as you are not divorced....legally they are still responsible financially for each other.....that is one serious reason why I am getting a divorce because my H was totally irresponsible financially.....& he ended up destroying my credit & we lost all our investments because he had no concept of HOW to be responsible & when my depression hit...I wasn't capable of handling it like I always had been especially when I was in & out of the hospital with suicide attempts.

When he defaulted on the house & it almost went to foreclosure.....they actually tried to come after me for payments.....I made it clear that I had already been separated for 6 years at that point....but there are still certain things that the responsibility is still there financially & medical is one of the big things where responsibility continues to exist.

If he were to go out & get a car loan with only his name on it....then he would be the only one responsible for paying....but you get anything that has to do with taxes or joint anything & you both continue to be responsible.

Sounds like he wants to be a cheap skate IMO....& it does sound like his psychological issues don't allow him to think logically.....who knows...the judge might see to it that he continues to provide medical coverage once the divorce is final. Friend of mine's H was a career military....& he's having to provide for her insurance long after the divorce.....she was a stay at home mom who never had a career of her own with all the moving she did with her H before the divorce.

Doesn't sound like he's too interested in getting back together if he's just looking at ways of cutting his expenses rather than looking at ways of getting back together

That was very much my thought was well.

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Oh no he doesn't!!!!

Taking you off health insurance is a NO DEAL!!!

The difference between the cost of his insurance for just him, and for the both of you is nothing compared to what it will cost you to go out and get insurance on your own.

Trying to get you off of his insurance during a separation clearly shows that he isn't in any way committed to trying to work things out.

Speak to a lawyer, if you file for divorce it would likely prevent him from removing you from his insurance until the divorce is final. And just because you file for divorce doesn't mean you have to go through with it.

You NEED to start to take steps to protect yourself, clearly he is positioning himself for a divorce, self protection needs to be a priority for you.

I don't know about you, but I protected myself, with health insurance, through my divorce. Here's snip of that section of it...

"The Husband shall continue to maintain medical and dental insurance for the benefit of the minor children and Wife through his current employer. Husband shall continued to provide health insurance for the minor children until emancipation as herein defined. The husband shall continue to provide health insurance for the Wife so long as it is provided to him through his employer. If he purposely causes termination from his employment, his obligation to pay health insurance shall continue until he retires or until Wife obtains suitable health insurance. "

I don't know about you, but at the time, I had a small part time job. AND I emphasized having MS(multiple sclerosis) and since it's the type of illness that is Unpredictable, I was concerned about health insurance and didn't want to burden the state, never mind try and find doctors on state coverage, because it's not often adequate enough. Granted, with politics being as they are and there aren't supposed to be issues with preexisting conditions, at the time, Massachusetts was one of the only states not excluding. (Romney-care)

Add: at the time, as well, the medications that I was on, cost $3000/month, albeit insurance covered. MS meds, are no light dollar amount.

Protect yourself! Right now, being legally married, you can't just go and drop someone from insurance without signing forms that show why being dropped. He's threatening you, and it sounds malicious.

Thanks that's incredibly helpful. My counselor had a similar response today in terms of making sure that I am taken care of.
We will see what he says tomorrow as that is the day he said I would get a "detailed decision" blah blah

my counselor also supported my not instituting a time frame for reconciliation and rather crafted the sentence :
You've shown me to this point who you are now show me that that is not who you are anymore.
We will see how that email goes over shortly I'm sure.

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I would get a separation agreement where everything is spelled out for the separation period. Go see a lawyer!

I drafted a separation agreement when I asked him to move out and maintaining me on insurance was included but he's choosing to contest various things. I forsee a lawyer in my future. I'm currently drafting my timeline of proofs

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Get a lawyer NOW, or at least speak with one, many will give you a free consultation..

Don't sign a thing, without consulting anyone or at least bring it to probate court.

Contesting, nope!! Bring it to court.

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