[Sam66289]

I was married for almost 10 years. We were married very young and I think I was in love with the idea of love and marriage more than in love with him. We started having children and we became more disconnected. I found myself making excuses to not go to bed until he was asleep. He was embarrassing to bring around my friends. He had a temper. He drank. To me it was too much but he was functional. He was the type of person who was always right so it's no wonder the divorce was so ugly.

Towards the end I was done. I tried talking to him about it and got no where. I asked to go to counseling which he said no. To this day he insists that I never have him a second chance. I started pulling away more. I met new people. I was ready to divorce but with small children and bills I couldn't afford alone and the fact that I knew he wouldn't leave if I asked, I stayed longer. I ended up meeting a man who made me feel good. He complimented me and I liked it. He was excited to go out and do things and not sit around watching sports and ignoring everyone. We became friends. It started with friendly Facebook comments. We had mutual friends and kids that all played together so we exchanged numbers for get togethers in groups. We started to have feelings. We didn't act on them or discuss them at first but it was obvious. That only made my marriage more unbearable. To see that the grass could be greener. That it wasn't my fault and I didn't need help because I didn't want to have sex with my husband for months prior. We just didn't work anymore and it was time to go.

One day we got into an argument. It escalated quickly and he pushed me down in front of the kids and I hit my head. He has a bad temper but I've never let him touch me before. It wasn't a punch and I wasn't visibly harmed. I struggle with categorizing it as abuse and wonder if things went to far to this day. I got up and screamed at him to leave. He laughed and said no as I knew he would so I grabbed the kids and left. A bit later I called and again asked him to leave or at least leave long enough for me to go pick up clothes. He refused. I called the police to escort me over to get my stuff. They spoke with him and he confirmed putting his hands on me and they arrested him. I have guilt over this not knowing if he deserved that or not but it happened and I've went too far and this was my chance to leave. There would never be a second time to get worse.

Throughout the next few months there were restraining orders and more arrests for again attacking me when I tried to call the police because he wouldn't leave my (our) house. He pushed my daughter and grabbed my son by the neck leaving marks that the school called cps about. He has slashed my tires, put sugar in my gas tank, thrown rocks through my bedroom window and cut power and water to my home. He actually called the police when I started dating someone and reported him molesting my daughter. That relationship obviously didn't last. All of these vandalisms could not be proven so he remains cocky and Scott free. After two years of custody battles I received primary. He fought only to refrain from child support. He had them to his place for sleep overs 1-3 times per month. Even when it's his scheduled visitation time he has excuses why he can't have them. His main goal is to insure I don't have the opportunity to a night out as long as I have the kids, I have to stay home. He still plans to take me back to court and is blackmailing me saying that he will stop all of these things if I sign over joint custody and no child support. When I refuse he simply says "ok, game on". He has them 10% maximum and I'll never believe he will leave me alone.

Right now I'm mentally exhausted. He's ruining my entire life and there's nothing I can do. If I give him what he wants he still will never stop. If I don't he will continue to torture me. I've tried filing harassment complaints and it's he said she said. He's mentally unstable and I know one day he will break and try to kill me. I know it. I stay single and hide and friends I do have for fear he will retaliate against them as well. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm depressed and anxious waiting for his next move. I feel like I should have just stayed married sometimes. I just want out and there's no reasoning with him.

[catastrophic]

You are in a DOMESTIC VIOLENT relationship... You need help... I suggest you go and have a conversation with a domestic violence liaison officer at the police station or a domestic violence support group near you.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[SnakeCharmer]

Catastrophic is correct. Good advice was given. Please listen.

You were and still are a victim of domestic abuse. Your ex-husband's abuse has warped your thinking and left you feeling powerless.

You can get help 24/7 by calling the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Confidentiality is respected.

You can also find information on their website that can help you understand how abusers work to make their victims feel hopeless and powerless. And, more importantly, information on how you can get free.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | Get Help Today

Please read the article on Gaslighting. It doesn't apply exactly because you're separated from your ex, but he definitely is doing his best to keep you questioning your own perceptions and your own emotional stability, starting with the idea that you weren't really abused when he pushed you in front of the kids. The fact that you did not fracture your skull when you fell and hit your head is beside the point. He was violent. You did not over-react.

He has probably been gaslighting you for years. (The term gaslighting is taken from the movie Gaslight where the villain purposely did things to make the heroine think she was losing her mind.) Your ex has abused you and your children and you've come away feeling as if you're the guilty party. Your ex is using powerful forms of emotional abuse that cause you to question your own feelings. Get help. Soon. Please.

[eskielover]

Along with the good suggestions above....I would move to a place that was as far away from him as you can get & still share the kids according to the court ruling.....or go to the court with the proof that you have of him giving excuses not to take the kids & get sole custody & leave the state.

I moved 2100 miles away from my stbxh.....& I demand that every communication is only in writing....text or email or written letter. I left 7 years ago & because of IRS issues, the divorce was almost impossible until that was over.

He doesn't have to know where you live even if you do share custody of the kids....you can meet at a neutral place.....or you can have someone else deliver the kids & pick them up......he doesn't have to know a think about your life.....& you can have an alias if you need just to throw him off your track.

Hopefully the domestic abuse people can give you some more detailed ways of handling your situation.....but to start with, making yourself invisible to him is important.....you are divorced....you life is nothing that he needs to know anything about.....& if he uses the kids to get information....that also can be taken to court.

Wouldn't mess with a jerk like that......you need to gain back yourself & take control of your life after all that abuse.....hope you have a T who is working with you on self-esteem issues & ways to take care of yourself.

Know it's a difficult situation to get out of especially with the kids keeping the connection there.....but there has to be an end put to the crap that he's doing.....& the only one who can really stop it is you by no longer tolerating it & doing what you can to remove yourself to a safe place where he can no longer get to you.....with some help & good support...you can get there & so can your kids.....find safety & peace

[healingme4me]

If you do choose to leave the state, you do need legal counsel, a GAL recommendation. Having sole custody, not a night to yourself. Child service involvement, not 100%, yet need to line up a clear picture why it's best interests. His arrest, was he charged? Could swing your favor. Called a removal case, don't get trapped into losing your kids, by not having a certified statement(NOTARIZED) that he allows you to vacate state or a court ruling (about a year to year and one half, no kidding) costly, but American bar judges book on custody states it's safer to be far away. ..
I know, in the midst of a removal case, myself, me and my m inor children. ..
^^^Good advice above^^^

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk