[Tkatz00]

Hi everybody,

I need some advice/help/opinions please. My husband left 2 months ago and I received an introduction letter from an attorney on Monday saying it appears the marriage is over, my husband is interested in filing a marital separation agreement with the courts and if I'm interest, to please let him know. My husband has been telling me for 2 months that he doesn't know what he ultimately wants and I'm being blamed on him going to an attorney. He says I have to have an answer immediately and I pushed him in a corner.

If he is telling me he still loves me/still in love with me....what is going on? I'm a ball of confusion and not sure what to do.

Now, I do have an appointment tomorrow with whom I hope to retain should I need her. My hope is to go for abandonment/desertion, mental cruelty (yes, I'm on prescription drugs now) or involuntary separation. I just want to make his life hell so he feels what I've been living through for the last 2 months.

I know this sounds so harsh and cruel but I think leading somebody on for 2 months and then getting a letter in the mail is way crueler.

What would you guys do?

Thanks!!!

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I think it's probably best to wait longer than 2 months before getting married, so as to avoid these issues, those of which I presume are usually only found very early on in a relationship.

I would continue with the divorce and steer clear of him, if he is abusive, like you say. Take it as a learning curve, perhaps?

Best of luck.

PS
Welcome to Psych Central.

[eskielover]

Don't think that you are going to file for desertion or any of those other things you listed......basically ALL divorces are NO FAULT.....resolve at 50/50 & that's it....done & ended.......they don't put blame in divorces any longer at least in any of the cases & with any of the lawyers I have spoken to......it all sums up to irreconcilable differences.

Just curious....because for me the legal separation saves me from being responsible for any BAD spending he does after I left.....& my STBXH es the worse when it comes to being responsible for money.....so maybe your H is thinking he needs to protect himself financially & it is considered the first step of divorce.......maybe he thinks you will get mad at him & go out & run up all the credit cards & leave him stuck with the bill.....as that basically would be the only reason for him to do the legal separation (not that you would.....but sometimes we figure we would rather be safe than sorry)......& maybe he's NOT quite ready to call it over with the divorce.....this gives more time to wait & see.

[healingme4me]

Courts, I've discovered are pretty busy, and trial divorces seem a thing of either, the past, or of movies.
In my state, starts with the filing, then probate clerk for mediation. Then a couple more court dates. Most of the work of divorce is done outside of the judges chambers.
Most are ruled under irreconcilable differences.
It does seem confusing that he's staying in contact with you, instead of just working through an attorney?
It's natural to want to lash out, after feeling betrayed. There's many things, I thought my ex would say in court, yet, when it came down to it, court is a very busy place. And it's done here, in a non private manner. There's other people waiting in the courtroom.