[lostbeauty]

well, it's me again... haven't been here for awhile. I'm not sure of what to do with my marriage. maybe I could get some advice....
I got married for 2 reasons:
1: the man I fell in love with seemed to be my Prince charming when we fell in love. 2: I didn't want to be alone, wrong reason, I know! My husband came at a time when I was with someone that wasn't treating me right. He was my Prince charming coming to the rescue, my salvation. I loved this man sooo much because he was very family oriented which I loved and he was very sweet that I thought he was perfect. That dream ended quickly. Our whole wedding should of been the first sign of a bad marriage in the making. He wanted to pay for everything, didn't want help from anyone and I basically didn't involve my family (parents) at all in the wedding. I wanted a Cinderella wedding and instead got a wedding where I cried down the isle because of different issues I was having with my parents. (Whole nother story) Long story short, my husband makes all the decisions. He tries to say he lets me make decisions in our relationship but if deciding where I wanna go eat out is making the decisions, then, that's pretty much the only decision I make. Everything else comes from how he feels and if I don't agree with something, he tells me " there the door, if you don't agree with my decision, leave!!!!" This is his way of controlling everything because he knows I'm not going to leave my kids, we have 3. He tells me I can't take the car because he pays for it and threatens to take the kids from me. He's told me to go to hell, he's disrespected my parents alot. But the type of person I am, I can't stand up for myself and i can't stand up for my parents. I just don't have the balls too!!! Plain and simple!!!! He is a good dad and works very hard to pay the bills but I'm just not sure if I'm happy with him because my dad says I deserve better. I'm sooo lost right now..... my dad told me to stand up to him but I'm afraid if I do he'll show me the door and we'll have issues, possibly divorce. I don't want to be alone, but sometimes I do think I deserve to get treated better.

[lostbeauty]

I'm not on any meds because I'm afraid of the side effects. I've haven't gone to counciling either. I'm kind of doing this on my own, trying to keep my sanity. it's not easy when you wear a mask everyday and nobody knows how you are or what your thinking. I'm terrible at expressing myself and communication. I'm not exactly the person you'd wanna be around in a fight because I'll just stand there and do nothing. But I'm great at ignoring or walking away from any situation where I don't feel comfortable.

[healingme4me]

A 'good dad' doesn't control, manipulate, threaten nor tell his children's mother, to go to hell.

[lostbeauty]

that's exactly how I feel too, I've never heard of any other person getting treated this way unless that's how verbal their relationship is. mine is not like that, nor has it ever been until somewhere along the way I gave him the power too....I know for a fact he stepped over a lot of boundaries and has disrespected me but when he starts up on how much he loves me and the kids and would do anything for us. I go back to when we first met and how he was the sweetest, kindest man I'd ever met. I thought he would understand me to the point where I wouldn't need to wear a mask and hide who I am anymore but after seeing his attitude towards my parents, towards me, I see now that this mask is not coming off anytime soon. it's sad that I can't be who I am with my own husband, sometimes I feel like I'm living a lie everyday by hiding how I really feel.

[kelly8896]

I’m sorry you are going through this.

No one deserves to be treated like this. I agree with Healingme4me, a good dad or a good husband doesn’t control, manipulate, threaten nor tell his wife to go to hell.

I know from experience that taking the step to make things better for you is a hard one. My first husband was very controlling, jealous, called me names and even got physical a few times. I had to step back and take an honest hard look at my life. I had two kids, no money and scared to death to be on my own. But I am a good person, a good mother, a good wife and I deserve to be treated better. I deserve better for my kids. I know that I can do better for myself and be happier with myself if I truly believe I deserve it. Yes it was the hardest decision I made, I was scared to death, but I made that step. And I’ve had my struggles, but it made me stronger and more confident. It gave me a bigger sense of self worth and gave my kids the understanding that we all deserve to be healthy and happy and be treated with dignity and respect. It’s not ok to treat those we love so badly and as they grow up into adults, they need to have the same courage to say it’s ok if I stand up for myself, I am a good person and deserve it.

You deserve better. Don’t let him saving you in the past (portraying Prince Charming) negate the fact that he is nothing close to a prince if he treats you the way he is.

You may not want to listen to your dad, but with age comes wisdom and experience. Ask yourself, would you be ok with your child being in a relationship like this? Divorce isn’t the end of the world. Your kids will grow up and leave, you have to be happy yourself! Think of the example you are setting for your kids. Are you telling them it's ok to be treated this way or to treat someone else this way, or are you saying you deserve better because you are a good person.

Good luck.