[no7222401]

I had been with my husband since I was 16. I recently left him because of emotional and at times physical abuse. Now at 22, I don't feel like i'm able to function as an adult properly, and i'm scared that I will go back to him just so I feel secure, have a roof over my head and have someone for me. That thought scares me, a lot.

I'm not even into the first week of leaving but i'm just worried that i'm not going to hack being able to be alone? How do I kill spiders, or open jars etc? Who's going to be there when I need a hug or someone to cuddle with?

I'm so lost and don't know where i'm heading.

do u have family to stay with ?

[Mike_J]

You kill spiders with a Kleenex and you open jars by tapping the lid lightly in the direction you want it to turn with a butter knife.

Being in an abusive regulations just for security is a fix for the short term but so damaging in the long run.

[Angelique67]

Jars are easy. Spiders not so much.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by no7222401

I had been with my husband since I was 16. I recently left him because of emotional and at times physical abuse. Now at 22, I don't feel like i'm able to function as an adult properly, and i'm scared that I will go back to him just so I feel secure, have a roof over my head and have someone for me. That thought scares me, a lot.

I'm not even into the first week of leaving but i'm just worried that i'm not going to hack being able to be alone? How do I kill spiders, or open jars etc? Who's going to be there when I need a hug or someone to cuddle with?

I'm so lost and don't know where i'm heading.

Give yourself a lot of time, and a lot of credit. I know that feeling. But, guaranteed, it is not too hard, people will help. (how do I register the car? get the whatever fixed? find what I want to do? shop...alone...)
Use your friends, or join a few things (---volunteer, go to the gym, take a craft/art/subject class...)---look for things to do----& it is OK to feel afraid and insecure, and it IS SCARY---but you will fee SO GOOD each time you accomplish something on your own!!!!!! Hang in there!!

[eskielover]

I know the feeling even though I knew I was capable of taking care of myself & actually much more capable than my H really was.

I went from living at home with my parents for 21 years to getting married & living with my H for 33 years.....& at the end I was having all kinds of health issues & horrible side effects that actually made me for the time incapable of taking care of myself....but I left about 1 year after a trauma I lived through & anorexia that I was medically hospitalized with.

I got so desperate to be free from all the fighting & the anger that had built up, I didn't really care if I couldn't make it on my own....I wasn't going to survive continuing to live there either.

So I bought a 10 acre farm & have been living here for the past 7 years....& I've learned to kill spiders with my shoe....smack them dead. It's much better than what I started doing by spraying a whole can of insect spray on them to make sure they died.

I got one of those jar openers that have several different sizes on them & you just place them over the top of the jar & it uses leverage to get the jar open.....& sometimes I run the jar under hot water if it's a sticky thing inside the jar like honey or jam.......not only that but YouTube has all kinds of solutions on it for whatever problem you have.

I learned how to auger my toilet with the professional auger I bought at Lowe's (Lowe's has become my favorite store).....then the next day, I replaced the hose under my sink that had been leaking for over a year & the bucket kept overflowing as the hose kept getting worse. I got the parts from Lowe's & was able to follow all the instructions. My favorite tool is this little wrench I bought for $2 because it was cute......it's the tool I use for most of the things I fix & it works better than the big fancy expensive tools.

It's amazing the things we learn how to do.....(mind you, I'm 61)......& when we accomplish the things it gives us even more self-esteem & confidence that we CAN make it on our own.

I am lucky in that when I do have something that I can't handle, I have friends through my church who can come over & give it that man strength. LOL...I had a hose on my upstairs toilet I couldn't get loose....it took 3 strong guys working on it to get it loose so I don't feel so helpless....besides...I was the one that started getting it loosened with all the work I had put into it before they came.

I always believed there was nothing I couldn't do, but living in a bad marriage for so long & all the wars I had....I started to doubt myself. Getting away, I have been able to learn what the problem was with my H all those years in doing my research.....but I wouldn't go back to that life for anything. I love living alone. I have 3 dogs now (started with 7) but if I need hugs & love.....my dogs give me all the love I ever need & welcome home kisses. I had a H that wasn't capable of connecting to anyone, not even a wife & by the end the fighting, mental & physical abuse was flying from both sides.

I am still trying to finalize the divorce because he's not mentally capable of dealing with anything as I found out when he blew it with the IRS & my inheritance......but finally got that issue finished & now I'm free to be free & have NO intention of getting involved with another man ever unless someone really comes along that is absolutely perfect for me, I will NOT jump into a relationship just to have someone there. I am better off alone unless the absolutely right person would magically appear in my life (& that's not going to happen).

Amazing what we learn & are capable of doing. Yes, I got my degree (BS) & I was a computer engineer for 15 years so I was always very independent in the first place....but after all those years, the doubt of being able to care for yourself & all the "what if's" really do hit....but we PROVE THEM WRONG!!!!

You can too.

[Sigirl4evr]

Originally Posted by no7222401

I had been with my husband since I was 16. I recently left him because of emotional and at times physical abuse. Now at 22, I don't feel like i'm able to function as an adult properly, and i'm scared that I will go back to him just so I feel secure, have a roof over my head and have someone for me. That thought scares me, a lot.

I'm not even into the first week of leaving but i'm just worried that i'm not going to hack being able to be alone? How do I kill spiders, or open jars etc? Who's going to be there when I need a hug or someone to cuddle with?

I'm so lost and don't know where i'm heading.

You just have to take it one day at a time. I'm hear to tell you this, the a lone feeling is not as bad as knowing you are married and you are still a lone. I can't stand the thought of a roach must less step on one because it crunches. But in the last 5 months I have learned to get a fly flip slap that little thing and put it down the toilet. I have a religious bug man that goes to every house I live in because of the fear of bugs. Well the reason I was having them coming in is because I had a new heating/cooling unit put into my house and they did not put new ducting on bathroom and bedroom vent. The old had dry rotted. Well to find out the problem because I wasn't going to be jerked around when I call them to come back to check on it I went under my house where the bugs were coming from just so I could tell them what I seen and wanted it to be fixed. You can do anything you set your mind to and don't let it get you down. The thing with being afraid you will go back for security reasons is a different story, this is a on going battle for me. I hope I can stay strong enough to not go back because of this reason and everyday I pray for God to give me strength to not do this. I know in my mind it was not good for me to be with him but not having someone for that void in my life is very scary. I pray that you can find some way to fight it and if you do please share with me. I will be praying for you and good luck!

[littlebitlost]

Spiders are a breeze. Can of insect spray, and a vacume with the floor thingie off it so it's just a long, sucking pipe. Spider apparently dies from hitting edges of tube, but I leave the vac on in case Super Spider lives, and I spray bug spray and suck that up with the vac also.

Jars, I have a silicone grippy thing that is awesome, and if I still suck at opening it, it goes in my outbox and I get dad to open them. LOL.

Physical affection, that's harder. Promote friends?