[theantiquatedhousew]

My husband and I are separated, for 4 months now, we sleep on opposite sides of the house, we do not speak to each other and send texts or email as our only way of communication. Some days I prefer it that way. When we do talk, we fight. This is horrible for our kids. What Is Worse is that sitting 150 paces from out house is a vacant house he bought almost three years ago, but he refuses to leave. He writes that he doesn't want to leave the house with his wife and children...blah bs blah. I believe it is only games he's playing, continually lying to me so that he doesn't look like he left, should we formally divorce. He keeps his food separate in the kitchen, all of a sudden is documenting in email anytime he spends $5...like I care, he never did this before. Almost everything is separated, mail, bank, etc ...those he has sent to his other house. Because I have been home with the kids for many years, he has been so kind to tell me he will give me some money and still pay the bills (he gave me $100 in eight weeks). What a guy. I am by far NO angel here. Some of this is deserved, but not like this.

My mood is erratic every minute of the day. One minute I want to fix my marriage, the next I never want to see him again. The only time I am at peace is when I have the kids and he is nowhere around. And that rarely happens.

I need a therapist 3 feet from me at all times. I cannot afford one. So I am hoping to find help on here. Plus I can write on here at 3am...

[kaliope]

like you said, he is trying to make it look like he hasnt abandoned the family. documenting everything, you never know what is going to come in useful when it comes to court. he seems to want to show that he has continued to support the family so you cannot say otherwise. the wisest choice, if you truely dont want this marriage anymore is to contact a GOOD divorce lawyer. if you have been at home taking care of the kids, the lawyer can make it so he needs to leave the home, pay the bills, and pay the atty fees as well. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[eskielover]

Why aren't you filing for divorce? Why are you continuing to live like this? Why are you waiting for him to make the first move?

I lived like that for 13 years before I was finally financially able to leave because of the horrible debt situation he got us into. Splitting up the mess he caused would have been horrible & the house was upside down at the time also & I wasn't in a good state to force a bankruptcy as I had horrible migraines that made me so sick I couldn't even think straight.

It was just easier to stay & exist in the same house but that's all it was was existing. When my mother died, I took my inheritance & used it to leave & buy my own farm 2100 miles away from where he is. It was the best thing I ever did. Some research I've done to try & figure out what was going on in the marriage showed me that he's got Asperger's & there is no discussing with him about anything. When something stresses him, he ignores that it exists like he did with the IRS. Life was HELL living with him.....the only thing that's good is that I no longer have to have anything to do with him except when I try to get the divorce & I left him the car I owned to drive which died & he managed to destroy the paperwork so I'm having problems getting the information I need from the DMV so I can scrap the car....it's not easy taking care of anything from 2100 miles away & he's not mentally capable of dealing with anything.

I honestly hate not being divorced because I don't have protection against his financial irresponsibility.....but I love not having to have anything to do with him or see him on a daily basis even though like you I lived in my own area of the house so I really never had to have anything to do with him.

Leaving was the best thing I ever did because I was finally able to look back at the reality of the whole bad marriage & get some perspective on what was going on & realize just how totally dysfunctional he is....I realize it wasn't me that was the problem because I now have a wonderful life surrounded by wonderful supportive people......something I never had in my marriage was support because he was incapable of providing that in the marriage.....

Leave & you can finally see the forest because you are outside of all the massive number of trees.

[healingme4me]

Sounds like some consultation with various attorneys is in order, thirty minutes, shopping around, those free half hours add up, gaining legal advice and finding your next step.
Games?! Yes, indeed. Protect yourself, at least get some consultations...

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[bebop]

I was divorced in December and my ex is still in the house but I told him today he needs to move out. Our issue was/is he is addicted to pain meds. He has copd and refuses to bathe or eat much other than protein which is killing him. I understand what you are going thru.