[haier]

Two years ago on 12/28 I discovered my husband of 11yrs was having an affair. We separated immediately , my choice. Later I found out the woman was pregnant. Since then there has been a series of events. I filed for divorce, had to get a restraining order, terminated visits and finally initiated "no contact". We have 2 daughters ages 10 and 12. He is not allowed to have visitation per therapist's recommendation. I am currently in therapy also.
Up to the time of our separation my marriage was I thought ok. I work full time, come home and cook and clean and take care of my girls. I had no idea anything was wrong. When I asked him why he did it his only answer was "for fun". Since then all he has done is constantly asked for forgiveness, told me over and over he can't forgive himself. That he's not ok. That he didn't realize the seriousness of his actions and the consequences they would bring. He's gotten mean and aggressive at my refusal to work things out. He's had erratic behavior. Skipped on earlier visitation agreements. Due to this I had to suspend any and all visitation and initiate no contact. He has been paying child support on time though, through a third party anyway. I work and have taken full responsibility in the care of my daughters.
On Friday I did not go in to work. I got a call from my co worker. My husband stopped by my office and dropped off flowers and a letter. I had the letter sent to me. I have seen or spoken with him in 6mo. I moved and changed my number so that none of our mutual friends, acquaintances or his family would know my whereabouts. He found me.
In the letter it says he's been looking for me and that he wants to see me. He says he's not doing good and that this year he will not abandon me or the girls. He asks for forgiveness like 3 different times. He says he wants to see me one last time before he dies. I don't want to tell anyone about this. Not my family or friends or therapist. I know what everybody is going to say. I don't know though. I want to talk to him but at the same time I am scared. I would like to be able to say no but can't guarantee that I will. I want to see if I can look him in the eyes and discern his true intentions. I feel like he's a narcissist. I would like to be able to face him and yet I don't think that would solve anything. I still love that man and I don't know how to make our marriage work after this. He says things and never follows through. I don't know...

[gayleggg]

He doesn't sound very reliable. I think maybe you are wise in keeping your distance. Getting involved with him again would include bringing him back into your children's lives which might not be the best at this time. You might want to discuss this with a therapist before you make any rash decisions. You have to think of your children and what is best for them. Of course, this is just my opinion and doesn't really count for much, so take what you like and leave the rest.

[hannabee]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO don't do it! My mother wanted a divorce, my father wanted to come and talk and work it out. He brought a gun, held it to her head, pulled the trigger, but it didn't fire. He put it to his head and it did. Called Russian Roulette. The part about him wanting to see you before he dies is bad!!! You have no way of knowing what he is thinking or planning. Please stay safe and stay away! Big hug.

[avlady]

a friend of mines ex husband slaughtered the whole family after being rejected too you dont know what you're getting yourself into RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN-oh by the way i was in a similiar situation where they guy i was seeing put a butcher knife to my neck because i wouldnt get back with him but i had to tell him i loved him to put the knife down

[JJBX]

Noooooooo! This guy sounds like a powder keg. You had to get a restraining order for a reason, right? This sounds like a classic power play. He's hunting you down and that's not ok. He's violating the terms that you have set and you don't need to see him in person to know that his intentions are NOT noble. For your own safety, you should consider contacting the police and making sure that this behavior does not continue. It's dangerous and I would be extremely apprehensive about it.

[eskielover]

The comment that he wants to see you before he dies is a huge red flag.....I wouldn't bite on his invitation to get back together......I also wouldn't even respond just leave him hanging IMO. That way he doesn't get a yes of a no immediately so will be less likely to take any action immediately.

Is your divorce final or is that what's happening that's triggered him wanting to see you also? Don't get tricked into anything....stay strong.

[shezbut]

haier,

I hope that you've listened to the advice that you've gotten in here & have avoided seeing or talking with your ex.

It's my somewhat educated opinion that he is sick. It sounds like he knows that he can coerce you into doing things that aren't in your best interest. With the past, you simply cannot judge that he is being completely honest and is actually able to remain unabusive. Your personal well-being is in jeopardy ~ it is not worth it!!

I am sorry that part of you wants to believe him, still loves that part of him that you once knew. I am sure that it is very difficult to let go of that. Continue working with your therapist. Be honest and open, so you can work through these tough issues. Please do continue with your divorce as well.

Gentle hugs to you and your daughters.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by haier

Two years ago on 12/28 I discovered my husband of 11yrs was having an affair. We separated immediately , my choice. Later I found out the woman was pregnant. Since then there has been a series of events. I filed for divorce, had to get a restraining order, terminated visits and finally initiated "no contact". We have 2 daughters ages 10 and 12. He is not allowed to have visitation per therapist's recommendation. I am currently in therapy also.
Up to the time of our separation my marriage was I thought ok. I work full time, come home and cook and clean and take care of my girls. I had no idea anything was wrong. When I asked him why he did it his only answer was "for fun". Since then all he has done is constantly asked for forgiveness, told me over and over he can't forgive himself. That he's not ok. That he didn't realize the seriousness of his actions and the consequences they would bring. He's gotten mean and aggressive at my refusal to work things out. He's had erratic behavior. Skipped on earlier visitation agreements. Due to this I had to suspend any and all visitation and initiate no contact. He has been paying child support on time though, through a third party anyway. I work and have taken full responsibility in the care of my daughters.
On Friday I did not go in to work. I got a call from my co worker. My husband stopped by my office and dropped off flowers and a letter. I had the letter sent to me. I have seen or spoken with him in 6mo. I moved and changed my number so that none of our mutual friends, acquaintances or his family would know my whereabouts. He found me.
In the letter it says he's been looking for me and that he wants to see me. He says he's not doing good and that this year he will not abandon me or the girls. He asks for forgiveness like 3 different times. He says he wants to see me one last time before he dies. I don't want to tell anyone about this. Not my family or friends or therapist. I know what everybody is going to say. I don't know though. I want to talk to him but at the same time I am scared. I would like to be able to say no but can't guarantee that I will. I want to see if I can look him in the eyes and discern his true intentions. I feel like he's a narcissist. I would like to be able to face him and yet I don't think that would solve anything. I still love that man and I don't know how to make our marriage work after this. He says things and never follows through. I don't know...

What did you end up deciding to do, about the letter?

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[haier]

Hi everybody, thank you for the responses. I really needed to tell someone about what had happened. Nobody knows except my co workers. I didn't do anything. Just kind of keeping an eye out for him. I do feel a little scared. I'm going to see my therapist on Monday. Hopefully I can get help with what I'm going through. Thank you.