[TishaBuv]

Sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing.

I am taking the time to soul search and decide if I want to/can continue in this marriage.

Probably what will happen is we will live together for a few more years, because of our son, in separate bedrooms.

I actually like this set-up right now.

I really don't want to have sex with him again. I really am traumatized by all that went on.

He seems to be willing to let this go on for a while. He still doesn't know how to be real with me. Communication definitely is our main problem.

Of course he's worth forgiving and forgetting, even forcing myself to have sex and pretend in order to stay comfortable with him.

The saddest part is I really do love him. I think this is only as close as I am capable of feeling. Maybe it's my huge trust issue.

But he really has issues!

So, we're still separated, but married. I hate this. It's crazy.

Do you talk and do things together, like having a dinner together and watching movies together, for example?

[TishaBuv]

Yes. We act like a family just how we always did. So, we're not really separated, just sleeping in separate bedrooms and sexless. I know it's only temporary. If I want to continue the marriage, I have to take him back in bed. If I don't, he will most likely do something about it.

I still don't know what I want to do.

I'd like to just be married and be able to get along with him. But, our sex problem has gone on for so long and I don't know how to make it better.

I could try a change of attitude, but honestly I'm just acting.

This doesn't even make sense. He is a good looking man. It's me who must be crazy

To be honest, I think you must do something positive about your marriage. The physical act of love is important, but not the most important, and things can change. You said more than once that other than sex there is no problem in your marriage. He doesn't seem to abuse you, on the contrary you keep praising him in spirit and in look. I know it is a sensitive topic for me to ask questions but why do you sleep in separate rooms? You don't need to have sex to sleep together, do you? This is an active decision to increase the distance between you two. This is no good, in my opinion, because this will create a distance that cannot be bridged. I am still trying to see what the real problem is. Is he still stressed out about his work, or he is more relaxed now?

[eskielover]

I lived for 13 years in separate areas of the house before I was finally able to leave, then I moved 2100 miles away....best thing. I was surprised communicating with our daughter as she said we kept our troubles well hid from her (though I highly doubt it subconsciously). We did do things like showing the dogs together & he would come along when I was going to my horse shows.

I never felt any emotional connection & because I fought with my parents also I thought I was the problem. Never until a few years ago did I realize that both my H & my dad had Aspergers, the only thing that described their difficult to live with behaviors. It has been so freeing to live by myself & really learn who & what kind of person I really am.

Have learned that I can get along with everyone....but not when trapped having to live with differing values 24/7 & having them forced on me.

Sex was always an issue in our marriage....realized looking back there were things I didn't like about his personality & attitudes before the wedding & he never did anything to change my dislike. It only got worse through the years. For me I had a serious computer engineering career & was able to hide out in that which was the only way I could have tolerated being there so many years....that was my focus in life, not sex.

Rather interesting parting conversation on his part....he said he "thought I would just continue tolerating him for the rest of our lives because divorce would show him as a failure." I thought what an odd comment at the time until I realized what I had really been dealing with years later.

We can survive in the same house but not thrive in those conditions & whether we know it or not, out bad marriage relationship does effect our children. My daughter never got married & struggles with relationships because she never had a good one to learn from & neither did I....as we pass it on from generation to generation. No good solutions to the problem I can really think of.

[Ocean Swimmer]

No one has children in our family.

Part of our emotional abuse was the constant reminder from our mother how she wished she'd never have kids.

I enjoyed a healthy sex life until I married. It's not that we don't connect it's that he is completely asexual. Doesn't need or want it.

Funny ( sad) thing is one reason I got married was so I wouldn't be multiple partners in sex. I thought one good guy I could devote all of my sexual energy with.

Backfire big time.

I will not divorce him for this as he has 1000's of other good qualities.

But in my imagination I feel abandoned hurt and needy.

If someone asked me if they should marry an asexual person, I'd say NO.

But it's been 20 years together for us now.