Wife hates my child, hates me, wants divorce

Title pretty much says it: wife hates me for not disciplining my child (her stepchild), but when she does the disciplining, it looks pretty violent and scary, and over the past year and a half it hasn't done ANYTHING positive for my child. I know I'm scared, I know my child is scared, and the child's behavior doesn't change. Wife has "had enough" every week now for the past several months and she wants a separation, and maybe a divorce. I'm so sick of being scared for my child that I'm thinking divorce is not a bad idea despite the fact that I do still love my wife and it's going to be very very very lonely and scary--in fact, my least favorite way to be. But I'm pretty sure it's going to be better for my child.

Hello MrMoose: I'm sorry you're in the midst of such difficulty. I would simply like to offer my best wishes with the hope that your situation will end up being resolved as positively as possible for all concerned.

It's difficult when criticized for your biological child. However, I'm uncertain where it's a stepparents role to turn into being the disciplinarian. I've known of how damaging someone like this can be for a child, now adult.

What steps towards communication have you and your wife taken? What role does the mother of your child play in life? What about Positive Parenting types of classes? Or reaching out for advice from church or the school department?

please do not permit your wife to punish your child it sounds as if your wife resents your child because it reminds her that you had a child with someone else before it sounds like this could lead to child abuse if not already and your first job is to protect your childeen

There's worse things than you being lonely ...

Letting another adult brutalize your child is one of those things!

You and your child living in fear of this abuser is another!

Your child is depending on you!

And, yes, the sooner you get your child out of this situation the better!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

Your wife is being violent with your child and you're wondering if you should leave? Just do it. If you're afraid of her, how can love dwell in your heart? As someone else mentioned, it is not her job to discipline your child.

And perhaps not focus on another relationship until your kid is eighteen. Disagreements concerning step-kids causes too many problems and is actually one of the reasons that second marriages fail at an even higher rate than first marriages.

I hope the next time you post, you've gotten your kid away from your wife.

I know the first few weeks of separation are brutal...but you will get through them, I swear to you.

Maybe YOU need to find a way of disciplining your child that would be positive for the child & not make your wife feel like you are doing NOTHING. Doesn't sound like you are taking a very active role in the marriage from what I get from your writing.

Sounds like your wife has no respect for you & maybe you haven't given her anything to respect. Marriage is not based on love alone or just because you don't want to live alone. It's based on having a good relationship together & working together for the best possible family environment. Sounds like maybe you don't know what goes into making a good marriage & maybe BOTH of you need some good counseling go get your acts together in the marriage & make it a REAL marriage.

Hi--very astute reader! I should qualify my original post and say I do discipline my own child: I yell at her for lying, chide her for not doing homework, scold her for eating candy, tell her point blank when shes dressed inappropraitely, etc etc. My wife is more on top of things but shes also over the top. For those same offenses she has physically thrown my daughter out if the apartment, ripped off a tshirt she was wearing, called her at separate times a *****, *****, ****, little ****, piece of ****, ****, ****ing ****, little ****ing ****. Shes threatened to smash her teeth out several times, smash her teeth down her throat a few times. Until I demaded she stop she has slapped, punched, kicked and pinched my daughter. She often threatened to send her away to a locked mental ward. So yes, I discipline my child, my wife disciplines my child but when my wife does it, it looks pretty abusive. And yes, she takes care of everyone and shes very functional but I have stopped her from such harsh discipline.