Questions about how he treated her versus me

I am still profoundly depressed, trying to get better, but find myself crying still every day. It's a grief I never expected, never knew people go through when their spouse has had an affair. So, I have some questions regarding my husband's treatment of his girlfriend as compared to how he treats me. He says he ended the affair early March.

I found out because I found a cell phone he'd actually given to me since I didn't have one, but he forgot to delete about 3 days of text messages between them. I am STILL in shock after 3 months of having found out. He claims he's told me all, but I doubt it. Why should I believe anything he says?

Anyway, I'll keep this short and to the point... In an affair, when he calls her babe and she calls him sweetheart, when they are texting each other from early morning, nearly on wake up untilthey go to sleep at night, see each other for sex about twice a month.... she asking to be the ONLY woman in his life, ... he telling her, everything is going to be OK, she says why and he replies, "because that's the end game", in addition he tells her it would be good IF she was the only woman...... is it your opinion that they were IN LOVE with each other and intended to be togethor... fulltime and permanently??? btw.. he has NEVER called me "babe" or "sweetheart", nothing romantic in years.

Does that sound like a love affair or "just sex" affair like he is telling me?

I'm sorry you were hurt. You probably shouldn't believe anything he says until he can prove he is telling the truth. As for him treating her better than you: Men don't usually change their habits. If they had ended up together she would have the same complaints you have.

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

That kind of talk about being together and having an 'end game' means it is more than just a sexual relationship, it is an emotional and sexual affair.

Now whether or not he means what he said to her or if he is lying to her, having had no intentions of ever leaving you, is anybody's guess.

You know this about him for sure- he lies and cheats. And having given you the cell phone with the text messages means he's pretty dumb or he wanted you to catch him.

Be good to yourself and do what's best for you. You deserve better.

I agree that it sounds like an emotional affair. Likelihood of changing is rather slim. It isn't easy navigating the betrayal and heartache that comes from a spouse stepping out of the marriage. Yes, too often, the blow to one's sense of self worth is significant. There will be stages of grieving.

What difference would it make in knowing the answer to that question?

He probably lacks the capacity to love, so, it's complicated to say the least. What matters is you!

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I would say he is in "LUST" not love & whether he meant what he said or is just leading her on....only he knows if it's a game he's playing or not.

Either way, having any kind of trust in him at this point would be doubtful if it were me. Only you know what you can tolerate if you do want to give him a second chance. I wouldn't be eager to give him your trust