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  #1  
Old Dec 10, 2016, 05:14 PM
Danay Danay is offline
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Location: Western Australia
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So I did as planned, I found work 9 hr flight away went to work then called him saying I'm not coming back.
I'm ok just incredibly sad and anxious but I have 3 journals with all the horrible things he said or did to remind me why I had to leave.
But hes devastated, calls me at least 6 times a day saying he loves me, hes the best thing ever to happen to me, he cant cope without etc etc. I dont want to go back but now devastated I've hurt him so much. Hes threatening to kill himself.
I'm in tears for him but know if i went back nothing will stay changed.
I'll be fine without him, I have my career and a support network but he has zilch. The pain of seeing him in pain is also breaking my heart.
Thanks for listening. I'd appreciate your thoughts
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Open Eyes, Out There

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  #2  
Old Dec 10, 2016, 05:42 PM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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Good for you for being brave and freeing yourself from misery!

Breaking up is never easy. He had a really good deal that he lost when you left. Weren't you even the only one working?
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  #3  
Old Dec 10, 2016, 05:48 PM
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Open Eyes Open Eyes is offline
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It's good that you kept a journal so you can remind yourself "why" you left. It's sad that he is devastated, but he needs help and you need to be able to have "your" life too which means not having to stay in a relationship where a partner treats you badly and it's toxic for "you".
  #4  
Old Dec 10, 2016, 06:22 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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His "hysterics" may be a form of manipulation to get you to come back. Don't accept any phone calls from him, if you can change your number and only give it to people you can trust not to give it to him.
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  #5  
Old Dec 10, 2016, 06:23 PM
Danay Danay is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2016
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Good for you for being brave and freeing yourself from misery!

Breaking up is never easy. He had a really good deal that he lost when you left. Weren't you even the only one working?
Hey Tish,
Thanks for that. Yep I was the bread winner for 24 years. Please keep me in your prayers!
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eskielover
  #6  
Old Dec 10, 2016, 06:27 PM
Danay Danay is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2016
Location: Western Australia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
It's good that you kept a journal so you can remind yourself "why" you left. It's sad that he is devastated, but he needs help and you need to be able to have "your" life too which means not having to stay in a relationship where a partner treats you badly and it's toxic for "you".
Thanks for that .
I was reading my journals earlier - I've been such a fool. In hindsight I should have left the year after we married. He was such a control freak I wasn't allowed to fry any foods - because it makes a mess and he used to clean up after supper. Nor could I cook curries spag bol or stews because they may boil over so no prizes for guessing what I am eating now
Donut anyone?? Lol
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  #7  
Old Dec 10, 2016, 06:30 PM
TishaBuv TishaBuv is offline
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Don't let him guilt you to come back. I highly doubt he will really commit suicide. I suppose if he really says he is doing it, you call the police and ask them to check on him.

He'll need to stand up on his own two feet now and get a job.

Are you going to be able to sell the house out from under him? Have you consulted with an attorney? Do you have family/friends to support you now?
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. About Me--T
  #8  
Old Dec 10, 2016, 06:31 PM
Danay Danay is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2016
Location: Western Australia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nammu View Post
His "hysterics" may be a form of manipulation to get you to come back. Don't accept any phone calls from him, if you can change your number and only give it to people you can trust not to give it to him.
Thanks Nammu, thats why I left without him knowing. First time I told him it was over he hyperventilated, vomited, fainted and generally worked himself up into a lather. I have since pleaded with him to see a psychiatrist, get therapy etc and i have tried 4 times since but each time he gets unwell so I stayed. Idiot that I am
  #9  
Old Dec 10, 2016, 06:34 PM
Danay Danay is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2016
Location: Western Australia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Don't let him guilt you to come back. I highly doubt he will really commit suicide. I suppose if he really says he is doing it, you call the police and ask them to check on him.

He'll need to stand up on his own two feet now and get a job.

Are you going to be able to sell the house out from under him? Have you consulted with an attorney? Do you have family/friends to support you now?

Yes, the house is in my lawyers hands. I dnt have to do anything. Its going to cost me but worth it for peace and quiet
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TishaBuv
  #10  
Old Dec 17, 2016, 12:09 PM
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eskielover eskielover is offline
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Lol....oh my gosh the part about the food is exactly what I went through the first week in my own farm house I bought when I left my bad marriage after 33 years. I had gone to the grocery store & bought EVERYTHING that only I liked & stood there looking in the refrig & cupboards & gave myself CHEERS.

I so relate to your comment

I realized after leaving that I never loved him in the first place & he had no idea of love or emotional connection....marriage was just the thing to do because everyone else was getting married too.

I sensed a lack of emotional connection but having grown up in a family where there was no emotional connection, I couldn't put my finger on the problem. Finally 2100 miles away & in a wonderful town surrounded by wonderful people I am loving life for the first time in 60 years. My parents died years ago so I have no pressure to return. Ironic because my mom was the one encouraging my marriage to him in spite of red flags I noticed....it was after she died & I sold her house that I was financially able to leave that same marriage.

Don't let your mom pressure you into doing what you KNOW isn't good for yourself.....listen to your own LOGIC & journals that hold the REAL REASONS why you left.....stay strong in spite of any outside pressure
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  #11  
Old Dec 17, 2016, 11:38 PM
Danay Danay is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2016
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Thanks everyone, So far so good I'm staying strong but think its only drug induced. Thank God for clonzepam and venalfaxine!. I seriously doubt I would have coped without them. So thankful my current doctor gets it
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Nammu
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