[NoclueY]

I was served with papers after 13 years of marriage. We have been getting along fine or so I thought. This was a total shock to me. When I asked why he wanted a divorce he had no answer, just wants out. When I asked about maybe going to a counselor he said no.

I had to hire a lawyer because this is not what I want. I knew I had rights but he is trying to bully me out of the marriage. Once he got the answer from my lawyer he flipped out.

I know at this point I NEED to move out but I have no income or car. No relatives around me to go to either. He has threatened to burn everything we own if I go after his retirement or ask for spousal support while the separation is ongoing. He said I am not entitled t anything because he worked for it all and I stayed home. Yes I stayed home cooking, cleaning etc. I am a housewife. What should I do? Im soo confused. Im done crying. My lawyer said a judge probably will order interim spousal support but until then I don't know how to deal with this. He is now a different person.

[Skeezyks]

Hello NoclueY: to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[seesaw]

Go after his retirement and spousal support. You contributed to the marriage for 13 years keeping his home for him. There are laws about this and rulings for a reason. Don't be scared of his threats. He's not going to burn everything you own together. Then he's have to pay for it all.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Seesaw

[Erebos]

Even if he did burn everything, he would only end up with criminal charges for arson and criminal damage. And he would still have to pay spousal support.
Ignore his b.s. avoid confrontations,but if he does start record any out bursts and all phone calls in case he threatens you again.
What are his grounds for divorce?

[MickeyCheeky]

Wow, that sucks.. I'm sorry this is happening

[NoclueY]

Originally Posted by Erebos

Even if he did burn everything, he would only end up with criminal charges for arson and criminal damage. And he would still have to pay spousal support.
Ignore his b.s. avoid confrontations,but if he does start record any out bursts and all phone calls in case he threatens you again.
What are his grounds for divorce?

I have every threat to he, about him wanting to kill himself, selling our property to pay for the attorney, etc recorded. In Louisiana You do not need grounds for divorce.

[NoclueY]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Go after his retirement and spousal support. You contributed to the marriage for 13 years keeping his home for him. There are laws about this and rulings for a reason. Don't be scared of his threats. He's not going to burn everything you own together. Then he's have to pay for it all.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Seesaw

Im learning to stand up to him more and more. I have it all recorded. He is flipping out the most over his pension. and deff going after interim spousal support so I can get out of here. Im at the point to where I just want to leave.

Thank you for your concern!

[NoclueY]

Thanks yall. I replied to each of you but its not showing up. Maybe it takes a while?

[Grandessa]

I am so sorry! I just got divorce papers after 41 years of marriage. Family Court moves very slowly, and the sooner you file for dissolution, the sooner you'll get temporary support ( takes about 100 days.) my husband is retiring, so I won't get any spousal support ( called "maintenance" in this state). I will get 1/2 of his pensions, and I have an IRA as well. I have 2 grown children who have been an amazing support. We were all shocked by this. He said "I just want to have fun."

Well, I love to have fun; so issue must be another woman. No worries... I have a great life!

[eskielover]

I would let your lawyer know ALL the threats so he can keep track of them if necessary. He is most probably just bullying you with the threats but sometimes a screw does come loose in their brain & some will act in their threats. Best to have your lawyer up to speed on the things he threatens.

So sad you are going through this. Isvyou have a good lawyer he will take good care of seeing you get everything you are entitled to.

[Grandessa]

Dear Nocluey,

Welcome to my world. Exact same thing happened to me last September after 41 years of marriage. No answer why and no interest in working together on this. I pretty much drank my way through the first 2 months, calling friends and family on the phone, in misery.

I reached out and got tons of support. Went to live briefly with family far away. Got through Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Now I'm starting to feel alive again. Never thought I would be the happy, joyous person I had been again. But I'm getting there, slowly but surely. Main motivation two-fold: I know this will help me heal some earlier childhood rejection and betrayal that needed healing, and I want my two adult children to see me as someone who took the ultimate blow and got through it to thrive once again.

This is the most difficult thing I've ever been through, but I will survive and thrive. There is tons of information on this site about the baby steps you can take in the beginning (see Erebos post on this).

You are not alone. Your fellow traveler on this path,

Grandessa