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#1
Sep 25, 2015, 05:02 AM
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I didn't want to use the H word because... well i just didn't wanna, but i think that is the best description of the feelings I have towards my wife... i frickin H her.
This is gonna be long cause i have to get it out of my system before i splode into the stuff the universe was made from. So feel free to drop out right here if you don't plan to spend an hour watching someone vent. So i hate my wife. Why you ask? (even if you didn't i'll tell ya anyways), well let me tell you! OUR HISTORY! (long and boring no doubt) First of all i never really "loved" her to begin with. Yes i was "in love" with her at some point. Which means what exactly? Racing hormones drowning out all common sense? Something like that i'm sure! I met here when i was going through a bit of a rough patch. I was recovering from a life altering illness and trying to find my way back into the world of the living (essentially i was down and out for several years living like a hermit with very limited means and received family visitations... like i guess most inmates do... sorta). She was like a bombshell, kind of socially awkward, but then I never won any prizes in the non-socially awkward Olympics so that was fine. Essentially staring at her butt for more than 2 seconds forced my brain to go to that special place where I'm guessing only men venture, that is full of nakedness, see-through, virgin white, sleeping garments and bodily fluids. So yeah i was hooked. She was also kind of funny... in a very adolescent way, but yeah... hormones etc. Some red flags started going up though, whenever i tried to have a reasonably mature conversation with her. But then those usually got interrupted with the onset of sweaty, passionate, nasty monkey lovin. So that was fine two! A couple months into the relationship she had already thrown a few hissy fits and some really awkward emotional responses to every day things... so i was sort of planning my exit strategy. Small detail; I knew her mother... who was now dying of a terminal illness. I made the mistake of informing her of our relationship troubles, and her reply was, and i quote "please give her another chance, you'll be all she has after i'm gone".... Yeah so... I figured something like... OK well maybe she dealing with this now and it's upsetting her and she will come around to the place where normal people live after some much needed coping. I'll just give her some room and hope for the best then. That lasted about 2 more months and then she told me she had a big surprise... in the oven... and no, it wasn't a pie, it was my son!! So i'm like... WTF?! I thought we were like you know SAFE??! Apparently her BC wasn't working right. She didn't feel it was at all suspicious that her period kept coming through though (found that out later, cause the story goes on, keep reading for more!). And i know about the "don't be a fool, wrap your tool!", and i would, but she had "allergies" to rubbers, and the ones she could use were expensive and very awkward to use. So we decided to just do the blood-work thing instead. Right so, back to bun in the oven land. My first instinct was "get rid of it!" but.... yeah. TBH, i don't know where i stand on that, still don't. I'd rather not. Especially after you've seen it on echo. There was just something in my head telling me not to. Besides she was pretty sure she wanted to have the baby, and i certainly wasn't crazy about abortion (though i DID still largely wanted to get away from her.)... so we had it! He's 6 now btw, and he's a great kid. A few minor issues, but we're working on it, he'll be fine. About 10 months later (seemed like 10 years for me) her mother died and we had a 2 month old son. She collapsed, totally and utterly. I was now officially a single dad for all intents and purposes. Not only that but i had inherited a full grown, maladjusted daughter to boot. Honestly, i didn't even feel safe leaving her with our son to go to work. I was worried sick while i was at work. I called her every break i had only to met with the answering machine cause she was in bed passed out or worse. My only solace was that our son was a very tight sleeper (during the day) and he didn't need much attention during the day. After coming home to a filthy frickin house with a messed up kitchen and even more messed up bathroom for about a YEAR (how frickin hard is it to pick up a damn TOWEL after you're done with it, flush the toilet properly, dust off your breadcrumbs after you had a sandwich or even put the food BACK in the fridge... seriously. I understand the anguish of loss, but seriously, it is NOT that hard to pick up a towel!!) I got sick and tired of it and gave her the "get your ***** together or i'll be walking out of the carpenters hole in the wall STAT!" speech. Her first reaction, not unsurprising, was of course to descend from planet "WTF" (where she spends most of her time), and go into an emotional torrent of "i'm the victim and you need to support me!" bullpoo, and essentially raising her voice to "did i just wake up the dead?" level. So I mustered what self control i had to calmly produce the words "be that as it may, it is what it is, you will either pick yourself up or i will leave... period". I repeated that for about a zillion times over the next couple of weeks. I endured her emotional torrent and adolescent attempts at emotional warfare like a rock breaking the tide. Ok i admit i raised my voice a couple times as well and at one point i even hit the bottle and then threw it against the wall furious... but i cleaned it up afterwards, apologized for my temper and made it very clear that it didn't change a thing, my ultimatum still stands. That last bit was necessary because she has an emotional weakness detector, CIA grade, and the special op handbook to exploiting emotional weakness. Now i'm not saying she does this intentionally, or even consciously, but she definitely does it... and then some. Now i was really just bluffing ofc (i was just very convincing at it), because who am i kidding. I'm not going to leave a 1 year old child with her, especially after she just got dumped and might do god knows. She once literally told me she would off herself and take our son with her. And then what do you know... she suddenly learned to pick up wet towels, clean the john after use, and a few other things that annoyed me to NO END. She even learned to behave like a reasonable human being again... who knew?? We had a few pick-nicks, did a few dates, things were looking up. Now by this time I had disconnected from her emotionally, but at the very least i was able to respect her a little more now, and even, sometimes, enjoyed her company. It was not to last however, and she soon reverted into her grating emotionally unstable mess of a self. Constantly needing affirmation, adoration, accusing me of god knows what for no real reason. If i spent 1 hour pursuing a hobby that didn't involve her she would cry foul, telling me i didn't care for her anymore (i didn't, but hey, i pretended at least), and i was shopping for someone else, and i was hoarding money. Uh yeah i was, since it was MY money, and i wasn't exactly hoarding it as i was pretty much spending every cent i made on family expenses (kids cost money it seems). Anyway... right around the time i was actually ready to follow through on my ultimatum, and DAMN the consequences (cause i was about ready to hire a hitman), she comes out and tell me she has a surprise.... It was NOT a pie... It was my daughter, and she was FOUR frickin months pregnant (odd as it may seem, you could NOT tell by looking at her). She claim she kept having her period and didn't know, I haven't a clue if that's true, nor do i really care to know, as it really doesn't matter. Now i've been beating myself over the head about this ever since... why did you touch her, should have just kept your hands off her when things were going so badly in the relationship. And i'm right of course, i should have kept it in my pants considering how she got pregnant the first time. But did i mention she's hot? Did i also mention that she does things in the bedroom that you don't even tell your dad after a few beers? Well she is, and she does, and about the ONLY thing she did for about a year after our son was born was complain about me, fight with me and then take her clothes off and do it to me. And yeah i did resist her a couple of times.. but she has "ways". She would often turn into Cinderella for a few days turning up the hormones and sticky feelings and then turn back into Cruella soon as she had her way. My daughter is fine btw, she's 4 and she's a blessing. She's super cute and super cuddly. ONWARD WE GO! After years of mustering inhuman tolerance to grating, complaining and emotional manipulation (i'll save you the details cause that will just tick me off and ruin the rest of my day), i managed to wip her porn star quality buttox back into a reasonable shape by demanding that she do her part in chores and pay her part of the bills and at least TRY to be a nurturing mother to our two kids. She got to a point where things were almost tolerable. I helped her look for a profession that she liked and would suit her needs, while still giving her plenty of time for herself to do her... stuff... i dunno what she does really... she likes to endless browse through add folders, clip coupons, and talk... god does he like to talk. I do not hear 99% of everything she says, and i'm TRYING HARD. Seriously the stuff her conversations are made up... it would bore even the most attention craving person to tears within the hour. And when i say i "helped her find a profession" i don't mean i picked one for her, just for the record! I spend months endlessly having conversations with her trying to figure out what her interests were ( they were pretty hard to find) and suggesting possible things she could do. And she did, for a while... It quickly descended into madness ofc. She couldn't deal with it anymore, started handing off chores to me, started demanding i help her with her work, etc etc. Endlessly complaining about the workload and the pay and god knows what else. So i suggested she become a stay at home mom... just until she finds something else. I never asked this of her, it was a suggestion, furthermore i never pushed her to a job either. It was only because of her endless grating about wanting to get back to work (but showing absolutely no initiative to do so) that I helped her find a job. So back to square one... When i said "stay at home mom" i didn't mean she could just stay at home clipping coupons and leaving all the chores till i get home from work. Small detail here: I never actually "get home from work". I started a business short after we met and i started a second business about a year ago. It seems that when you are the sole breadwinner and don't want your kids living in squalor, you are required to have at least 2 jobs paying well. So that's what i'm doing. When i say "get home from work", i mean i arrived home from nagging customers and need to get behind my desk and answer to more nagging customers... where I will be semi available to help out with the kids and maybe have some down-time. I do NOT mean i am available to listen to nagging, whining, complaining, or conversations made entirely of the stuff that drain the fluids out of your face and turn you into an extra from the show "The Walking Dead". BACK TO THE FUTURE: So where are we now? Well i'm juggling between keeping two businesses afloat. One pays the bills for right now, the other is hopefully going to pay the bills in the future when I am no longer able to handle the workload involved in business nr. 1 (i mentioned the several years of hermit lifestyle... well that wasn't "cured" only postponed, so i'm on borrowed time when it comes to finding ways to provide for myself and my family). While i'm doing that i'm also trying to raise 2 kids reasonably well and dealing with my wife's inability to behave like an adult human being that understands that adult life comes with certain responsibilities that can't always be postponed to listen to endless idle conversation or deal with the N'th emotional hissy fit or outright breakdown. I wish, i pray that she would just leave me alone... stop talking to me, stop treating me like a "husband" and start treating me like a roommate that just happens to pay all the bills. And yes i wish she would stop touching me and parading around in front of me to incite me into throwing her to the floor and doing it to her dirty... I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE... not emotionally any way. Which might explain why our sex life is essentially non existent most of the time, until animal instinct takes over and shuts down my brain. That aside, i wish i could send her off to some hospital to have her feminine wiles replaced with a properly adjusted brain. I would rather spend the rest of my life beating off in the john and praying for a levitating nymph to float through the window and ease my suffering, than spend the next ten years with her obnoxious personality being shoved in my face. Aside from the constant nagging, complaining, neediness and emotional turmoil, she also completely lacks the ability to socialize with others. That is, she makes "friends" just fine, but those friendship quickly descend into smack talking and gossip contests. She is unable to form any kind of real bond with anyone and without it ultimately transforming into emotional turmoil. My dad wont even visit us anymore. Several times has she threatened to curtail my kids "grand-pa" time if he doesn't adjust his attitude towards her... It doesn't need adjusting, his attitude is spot on. Just that he lacks the ability to play the game of faces and just tells her what he thinks. I just tell her to go copulate with herself and take the kids over the my dad myself. That doesn't make the constant war of power any better though... nor her trying to rally me to her side by constantly pointing out my parents' flaws and how it could potentially affect our kids emotionally. To be clear. My parents are FINE, my dad likes old school rock music, my mom raised some questions about my sons upbringing with her (in a nice way, but it started a war anyways). My son has a few "quirks" in his behavior, it isn't "bad" but it isn't normal either. We are seeing someone about it, i personally am sure he will be just fine. As is mostly everyone who knows my son... my wife is convinced he's DOOMED, has 20 different mental illnesses, and will likely never amount to anything. She then turns it around and says it's her fault (it's not, it's a genetic thing, but if it WERE anyone's fault it surely WOULD be hers) then plays off the victim role... it's her best performance... outside the bedroom ofc. THE PLAN: Honestly? I don't know. Leaving her with these kids is unthinkable. I have no idea what she'd do. I wouldn't ever sleep again. And frankly judges are horribly retarded and are not prone to recognizing the merits of a hard working father over the merits of a "stay at home" mother... regardless of how fraked up she really is. If she's not brandishing a knife and screaming "swallow your soul swallow your soul!" in court then she's likely to get custody anyways. So that's not an option... god i WISH. Imagine being by myself, not being yelled, nagged, talking at... going to bed, by myself, waking up in the morning with nothing to do but wake the kids, take em to school and going to work... all in perfect serenity with the only disturbances being the endless questions of kids... HEAVEN! And maybe even meeting someone (after i've cooled my jets for a few years and taking a couple thousand $ in therapy ofc) who i actually like, can have real conversations with. Who actually offers some kind of support. Imagine someone coming in to your office after you just got off the phone with someone threatening to DOOM you for life if you don't service them THIS INSTANT, the despair, the pressure... and then your wife comes in and pats you on the back "everything ok?". My god... look, someone here who is over the age of 6 recognizes that I am a human being with feelings and that even if i don't NEED a back pat, it still feels GREAT. Anyways, back to reality cause that's not going to happen. Honestly, my plan is to raise my kids... endure her.. and as soon as i feel my kids are self sufficient enough to go their own way. I will be moving THE **** OUT and as far away from her as distance to my kids will allow me to be. She can HAVE the damn house (that i paid), and all our miserable stuff (that i paid), and the car (that i paid), but the TV is mine!! I will be packing that sucker up in a big ol' box and throwing it off the first bridge i cross on the way to my new (and hopefully still fairly long) life! Why the TV? Because i WILL have SOMETHING of everything that belongs to me (which IS everything, even her underwear!!) when i leave here, and i just want it to be something significant, portable and reasonably valuable. Significant for emotional satisfaction, reasonably valuable so i can at least tell myself i didn't walk out of the split completely empty handed, and especially portable so i don't ever have to go back there and see her face again. Yes she can have everything, i don't give a flying feces about any of our (MY) stuff. I will be THAT happy to leave it all behind. I hope my kids won't hate me for leaving their mother (and potentially sending her off straight to the gutter, cause really i have no idea how she is going to get by on her own, without help, without servants or someone to do her chores, and without some kind of income. (she can have my savings two, screw it). BUT IF THEY DO... then so be it. They will have the rest of their lives to consider how i sacrificed 20 YEARS IN HELL to give them a reasonable upbringing, and i hope for them I will still be alive when they come around to realize it... cause my pretty bowl of mixed charred human'ish remains certainly isn't going to say "i'd do it all again" when they come around to say "thanks". Maybe i best make sure and inscribe that on my headstone. Right now i'm just hoping I make it that far without losing my mind. It's a strange feeling praying you live 15-20 more years not cause you want it for yourself but just because you know your kids will be majorly screwed if you don't! Btw, while i'm at it i might as well post my personal right!? Single retired male of average build seeks date with outgoing and emotionally secure female, to be scheduled for September 2035. Likes long walks on the beach and playing fetch with lingerie. Slightly allergic to smalltalk, but newly graduated from therapy and eager to adventure with a partner in crime. Interested? Great, leave a message and i'll see you in 20 years! You bring flowers, i'll pay for dinner (hey i'm old fashioned but at least i try!) Bye for now! |
 Anonymous200200, Anonymous37802, Anonymous43829, Anonymous48850, Aussie sheepdaze, brooke34, eskielover, jpb4815, LadyShadow, Ruftin, Trippin2.0, unaluna, Waterlily22, yagr
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 A Hobbit, Aussie sheepdaze, eskielover, HowDoYouFeelMeow?, kindachaotic, LadyShadow, marmaduke, Mondayschild, Rose76, Trippin2.0
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#2
Sep 25, 2015, 02:23 PM
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Aside from your grief, I must give two thumbs up for one of the most entertaining, well written, quasi intros that I've the pleasure of reading!! Welcome to PC.
By post 5, you'll be off moderation. Hope you find needed support and camaraderie 
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#3
Sep 25, 2015, 09:25 PM
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(((OfficeWarrior))) I have already had the pleasure of meeting you in the new members forum but just wanted you to know I read this post and OMG I admire what you're putting up with for those two precious kids of yours. What a fabulous dad you are!!!! I'm sorry you're in hell right now.
Um, I loved your personal ad and will hold onto it for the next 21 years. LOL!!!!  Hang in there. I truly hope things get better for you!! 
__________________
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#4
Sep 26, 2015, 06:37 AM
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Well i must say i'm thrilled my pain and suffering brings a smile to your face ;-)
J/K, like i said i was just venting, i'm sure there is no fitting "solution" to my situation that wouldn't inevitably entail compromises i'm not willing to make (hitman maybe?) Support is always good though! Ruftin; that's great, 20:00h good for you? Not sure of the place yet, but then i have some time to decide still. |
| Ruftin
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| Mondayschild
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#5
Sep 26, 2015, 07:25 AM
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Don't forget after ten years, alimony becomes part of the equation. For a couple grande could always hire a guardian ad litem and create an argument for suitable custody.
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#6
Sep 26, 2015, 04:58 PM
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(((OfficeWarrior))) I hope you were not offended. Your vent shows so many sides of you including much of your humorous side.
You pain is very much noted as well and like you said, not a quick fix as you plan to be there for your kids until they're grown. I hope you can find some solace in knowing we are here for you and not at all happy you are having to suffer so.
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| healingme4me
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#7
Sep 26, 2015, 05:02 PM
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Your children will pick up on the fact that you dont like her. For their sakes, how about getting counseling for yourself?
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| DBTDiva, healingme4me, junkDNA, Yours_Truly
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#8
Sep 27, 2015, 07:26 AM
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Awww, well, I understand your frustrations, but I can't help feeling a little sorry for your wife. Sounds like she needed some serious therapy especially after her mother died, and I don't know how obvious you made it, but the fact you didn't really love her might have had an effect on her too. It's a sad situation for everyone involved. I hope your children will be okay and both you and your wife can finally find some peace in the future.
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| *Laurie*, eeyorestail, littleowl2006, mama pajama, Ruftin, Yours_Truly
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#9
Sep 28, 2015, 02:07 PM
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Interesting.
Your partner sounds rather like my niece. Attractive, flirty, attention seeking, manipulating, greedy, materialistic, a drama queen, self absorbed, never stops talking (about herself) a 'femme fatale' indeed. Her husband, in this case is hopelessly besotted with the creature, who abandoned her first two children and has pretty much ignored her third leaving it to husband and grandparents to do the nitty gritty chores. They put on a 'good show' for the public like, wow the 'ideal couple' but in private life with her ain't easy He seems trapped like a fly in a spiders web, not happy but unable to break away. I suspect NPD. Narcissistic personality disorder. I do admire you staying for your kids, a good dad. Last edited by marmaduke; Sep 28, 2015 at 02:23 PM. |
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#10
Sep 30, 2015, 03:15 PM
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Quote:
Well ok, maybe the mushrooms wont move in until she has made more of long terms commitment... to filth... but i'm sure it's only a matter of time before they strengthen their bond. Quote:
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 Even if i would like to spend an hour every week venting to a live person paid to listen to me and provide comforting "uhu's" and "i understand complete's"... and therapy is hip right? All the important people are doing it now... and some of the crazies two but that aside (oh and no offence to any of the crazies who might be reading this... err not that i'm implying anything about the nature of this forum or anything... i'm going to stop typing now  ).Anyways, so what do you suggest i do? Like her? How do you force yourself to like someone?! I mean aside from the fact that liking her probably turns a person into doctor Magoo with large order of nutbar insane on the side, i really don't see how this would be at all feasible. And what do i say to the therapist? me: "Yeah hi, i don't like my wife... wish she would leave and leave a clone of herself behind that is nice to my kids and doesn't come with a 747 full of baggage from planet fubar..." therapist: "Well ok, how are coping with that?" me: "I don't know, how would you feel if you brought a puppy home that does nothing but grind up all your furniture into toothpicks, leave your shoes looking like Mozes used them to cross the desert of DOGDROOL for 40 years, makes it its mission in life to poop on every square inch of the rug, digs holes the size of yellow stone park in your feng shui yard, and grows up into a terrier that treats your calves like chewtoys..." therapist: "I would take it to therapy" me: "it doesn't wanna go and NO... you can't just get rid of it, cause the kids love it (somehow), oh yeah and putting people down is illegal..." therapist: " putting PEOPLE down?!" me: "err i meant dogs... DOGS.. putting dogs down, we were talking about dogs!" therapist: "it's not illegal to put dogs down though?" me: "it was an analogy..." therapist: "an analogy to what?" me: "I'm...I... pfffCOME ON!!... yah i was like... BLINDING SPELL LEVEL 12!! *starts sneaking to the door* therapist: "I can still see you, you know..." me: "no you can't *talks really quietly and high pitched* I'm faaar awaaay almost hooome noooow..." therapist: "errr... stop that..." me: *gentle closes door* "very faaar awaaaay...." Quote:
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I think she blocks it out. Is that a real thing? People blocking stuff they hear out? Or is that just like some urban legend hollywood abused to make more family drama movies? Quote:
I tell her i'm serious... she gets pissed and f**ks off (that's her thing whenever conversions get down to the nitty and gritty, she f**ks off...rambles some incoherent stuff all the way to where she f**ks off to... And comes back some time later and she's like "hi, are the kids ready for bed yet?" Quote:
In fact if any of her reactions to ANYTHING would be at all normal, or at least make some kind of sense, then there is no way this situation could have endured as long as it has... Random uncontrolled venting alert! I mean come on... you break up, decide to stay together for the kids but have separate lives, or you just give it another go for real... i mean...you..someone... thing... like... you want some kind of RESOLUTION don't you?! You don't just want to sit around, complain, nothing changes, you are living with someone who is not actually with you, but who pays all your bills, and you are totally fine with all this, and then somehow you just ignore that and gripe about a breadcrumb on the floor (that you put there), and you don't stop griping before it gets cleaned up... and then when it's cleaned up you produce this totally empty, soulless, shameless "thank you!". THAT is f**ked UP. Seriously i have NO idea how she does this i mean... when she does it, it's like you just heard a voice from a bygone era, there's nothing there, no feelings, no substance. Have you ever shared a room with someone and then you felt like you were all alone, like there was no one really there? That's kind of what it feels like when she says "thanks" (which is very rare), or "sorry" (happened only once or twice so far). It just gives me the creeps. When she talks to the kids... she is not actually having a conversation with them, she's just venting whatever she is feeling in a "cute" voice. My kids don't even respond to this anymore because they've caught on that she's not really actually giving them attention when she is talking "at" them. The other day, she was coming down off another meltdown she had after she went on and on and on about some stupid thing (no idea what cause i wasn't listening... i was So big fight right? So today i'm kind of distant... really i was more like terrified she would erupt into another torrent of very loud crazy so i was keeping my distance from her... Suddenly she comes into the bathroom while i'm taking a shower (without knocking... she doesn't knock... EVER), and she's like "wanna play?  "...Ok that's totally normal right there... and no i didn't! Anyways, I would like to thanks everyone involved one more time for allowing me to vent here. I know i don't really "contribute" anything much, and i'm just kind of hanging around being all... i dno... something. |
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#11
Sep 30, 2015, 03:35 PM
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Well - and im only saying this because i made the same mistake myself, not just once, but three fricken times, only difference between you an me being im the girl and i dint have kids - we married for a pretty face instead of the brains or personality behind it. Now youre tied up and im all alone. We messed up. Its not THEIR fault we made bad decisions. We chose to get involved with them. No one forced us. Yes there oughta be a law against being such an ahole, but which ahole are we talkin about - them or us?? They dont know any better and act like idiots; we should know better but still act like idiots.
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| Bipholar, Mondayschild
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#12
Sep 30, 2015, 03:53 PM
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Hi,
I think I read your post a couple of times and something bothered from the beginning. Are you really supposed to take it all? I don't know how the law there works, but can't you get some advice from a lawyer or something? Because you just assumed she'll be given the custody of the kids in case you get a divorce, but doesn't her inability to take care of herself counts against her, for example? You're not supposed to force yourself to like her. Actually, if she doesn't want to get help you can't force herself to go to a doctor either. From my POV, you're not supposed to be living in the same house either. I grew up in the middle of a weird situation between my parents that affected me a lot and I can't say my mother wasn't nurturing. I fear for your kids becoming teenagers and having little support from her, also that you're busy with work to keep everyone fed and dressed (not judging you as absent, please!). I can only picture this situation getting worse and your wife being manipulative with your kids towards you. I don't think you'll be able to live as roomates, from how you described her she won't accept such thing. I don't know, it just sounds so wrong that you have to be stuck in this situation with someone who doesn't care about getting their **** together. There must be a way! |
| Bipholar
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#13
Sep 30, 2015, 05:37 PM
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Oh, I wish I didn't relate so closely to your situation......but reverse the roles.
Red flags went off the month before the wedding & I even told my mother I didn't want to get married to him.....but she convinced me that I was wrong & that he would grow up & mature when he had to & I thought that anyone with a college education couldn't be anything like my own father......I was wrong. Yep, year 2 1/2 did come our daughter.....dang summer vacation....I didn't have any time for him while I was working on my degree. Before we got married I had even told him that I didn't want kids & wasn't going to allow anything to get in the way of my getting a degree (in hopes that he wouldn't want to get married to me). First thing after the pregancy was confirmed he tells me that I can take time off of working on my degree & can go back to school later.....I almost killed him immediately but instead....kicked him out of our apartment & he went immediately to MY PARENTS house for sympathy. Guess it did help because they agreed to care for our baby (daughter) while I finished my degree & held down my career (computer engineering). Fast forward through the years & through all the financial mess he drug us into because he believed in using credit for everything & was never held his spending accountable.....I cleaned it up so that we could finally get out of the first house we owned.....with a 2 engineering career family.....we couldn't even qualify for a house.......we finally did after I got all the credit paid off. Fast forward even more......aerospace crashed in California & I lost my career & it was impossible to get into the business world because of a salary that was too high & they didn't want to train anyone at that level of salary....never bothered to ask if I would take less which I would have gladly done just to have another career. Anxiety hit, then he started coming home & just throwing stuff down thinking because I was now home, I would pick up after him.....depression hit even worse. Everyone blamed it on my loss of career.....& even the suitice attempts were blamed on that & at the time, I really didn't realize what was going on in my life. Through all of this, my poor daughter was trying to get through her senior year of high school. I moved into my own room in the house & basically had nothing to do with him from that point on......because at that point, the financial mess began again because he I was in & out of the psych hospitals & couldn't handle anything.....& he spent & spent & allowed spending rather than stopping all spending like I would have done if the roles had been reversed.....it took 13 years of just living under the same roof until after my mother died that I was able to sell her house, take my inheritance & leave the state (something my daughter had done years before). Honestly, it's amazing the freedom that getting away from that life cam make......I have found that person who had been smothered by dysfunction all my life. I knew if I didn't get out, someone was going to end up NOT LIVING & since only my horse vet had a hit person who he was going to volunteer to take out the home care person who abused my mother & threatened me when my mom was dying of cancer. It wasn't until I got away from that life & found my own that I was able to see what lack of support I was surrounded by all my life & how dysfunctional everyone including my parents actually were in my life. I understand your wanting to stay for your kids.....but I also know from personal experience what a toll it took on me staying in a bad marriage for 33 years.....big mistake in my situation & almost cost me my own life....a life that I am totally enjoying & loving now even though I probably will NEVER get married again, & have no desire to even have a man in my life at this point. I left 8 years ago & it wasn't until just last year after finishing with the IRS mess he created for me to care for was I able to realize & study I find out that the first therapist I went to after moving here (2100 miles away) suggested the possibility of my husband having Asperger's......& with research......that is what described my marriage 200%.....also described everything I had learned about him before we got married. All the other things that seemed to fit the problems I was having like passive aggressive & even the adult ADD explained the behavior I was experiencing from the Asperger's though I know there was a lot of "just jerk" thrown in to the mix.....but 33 years of fighting with someone after a previous 21 years of fighting with parents....I began to think I was the horrible person until I'm finding that I have no problems interfacing with people who are nothing like my parents or my husband (soon to be ex after I get finances more settled so I can afford the divorce). What amazes me most is that most people aren't anything like them......wow, was that eye opening now that I'm surrounded by wonderful caring people. It's not that they weren't nice, but living around them 24/7 is a whole different picture. I understand looking at the big picture & seeing no good way out.....I lived that way for way too long.....but only you know what works & what doesn't. It's not easy living in that condition....but finding an open door that works in a whole other thing also & not always that easy. It was interesting because it wasn't until I was driving across country in my truck with him hauling my horse trailer full of our american eskimo dogs that I remembered the conversation I had about not wanting to get married to him before the wedding.....that was 33 years later......after I got out, all the little memories started coming back of the things that had bothered me so badly & then when I read the book on Asperger's......I was hit with hundreds of memories that were triggered. The thing for us was that Asperger's wasn't even Dx'ed in the US until 1994 & that was when my major depression hit...so it's not surprising no one in the mental health world put the pieces together at that time....20 years later & it makes perfect sense. Sounds like your wife has some serious issues that really need to be dx'ed....at least for her benefit in the long run....sometimes it's too late to make any difference in a long term bad marriage.
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 Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
| Bipholar
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#14
Oct 01, 2015, 11:13 AM
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People make mistakes, are imperfect, do stupid things... it does happen, to even the best of us, does that mean we should immediately consider them as "unfit" to share part of our lives? Remember her mother had terminal cancer. That's a pretty good reason to "act out". Should i have been asked to deal with all this crap after having been in a "relationship" for only a couple of weeks? It's not like we were living together or anything, we were dating. Meaning i saw her only a couple times each week, and only the best side of her. She got pregnant very soon after. I've thought about it a lot, about things i could have done differently, and well... it seems that i simply would have had to know what was coming in order for me to make that decision to drop her all together. Meaning that, without the benefit of hindsight, i see no real way i could have avoided this situation... without essentially becoming extremely stoic in my decision making process. Quote:
If you let her go on her merry way she will live inside a chaotic mess of junk, dirt and emotional turmoil. Now where we live social security is pretty good so it's not like she's going to end up homeless or anything. Will she harm our kids? I really don't know, it all depends on how her emotional situation evolves. My guess is it's going straight to the gutter, since that is where she is heading every time she has to go without constant support for a while. Judges don't give a crap about what "might happen", and are only interested in what is already happening. If you harm your kids and your spouse goes to court they will react. If you tell your spouse you're planning to harm your kids, and she takes that to court, they will shrug it off and just sit and wait until something bad happens. This is just the reality of the situation. Courts do not actually "do" anything for you until your rights have been violated. Now that's all well and good if the violation of your rights involves someone scratching your car, as you can just get it repainted. It's a different story if someone messes you up for life, as that cannot be repaired. Here's something i could do... I could go to a judge and demand she pay her own way and share in our living expenses. Problem is she is already broke. I would just be wasting my time, not to mention opening myself up to a whole new kind of abuse. She already complains about money daily, and right now i pay everything. The only thing i refuse to pay is her half of our groceries (usually it's more like her 1/4th) and her phone bill. Although i let her keep our child support money... so really her expenses are down to zilch. Yeah so long story short... I could leave, sure, getting custody is all but certain, and more than likely it will not happen. It's a huge chance to take that i can't crawl back from, and i'm not willing to gamble the future of my kids away like that. Quote:
She had a good GP once, who helped her solve a lot of her issues (i still see him as a GP), until one day he suggested she go "talk to someone" about her emotional condition. She dumped him instantly and is now seeing some pill popping quack instead, cause you know "who does he think he is suggesting i need 'help'!?". She lies constantly (and very poorly), and if you catch her in a lie she will blatantly deny it and detach from anyone who might have found out about the lie... except me ofc (i wish). Me, she will just tell 1000 other lies to excuse herself from the initial lie. I have since stopped trying to unravel her web of lies and just let her live in the illusion that i'm buying into her BS. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have to tell someone "yes sorry but she lies so..." when people come to you all confused about something that happened and are unable to get an explanation from my wife because they can't reach her in any way? A couple weeks back i was called up a pharmacist to ask me what i needed so much painkillers for. I told him i had no idea what he was talking about and I hardly ever took any. Long story short, she had been collecting my subscriptions (and altering them to get more) and had gone completely overboard to the point where the pharmacist felt it necessary to call me up about the situation. Even though there is nothing "odd" about people with my condition taking painkillers DAILY... that's how many she had been claiming. Yeah so bottom line i told him I had no idea it was happening and that she was not collecting them for me, and that if she said she was, she was basically lying. I have to go back there you know? She wont ofc. She wont go back because i told her the pharmacy called me. She denied everything ofc, and then made it clear she will never buy anything there again (great!). And the reason i informed her of what had happened (as i could have just let her get busted), was because I know that if she goes back there and gets busted on her BS, she will make a massive scene, and like i said... unlike her, i DO need to still show my face there. So yeah, therapy.. forget it... She is in denial, 100%. When my son had to get tested because of his behavioral issues, she was in panic, almost refused to go, because she was so scared sh*tless that they might ask her some questions and KEEP HER THERE. (she actually said that!!). So basically she's aware of how fubar her behavior is, she just sort of phases it out and builds up this giant fantasy where nothing that ever went wrong was her fault at all. Anyways, got to take care of dinner, I've already spent way too much time that i didn't have on here the past few days ;-) |
| eskielover
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#15
Oct 01, 2015, 12:34 PM
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Well, OfficeWarrior, I cannot personally relate to your situation but I can definitely empathize with it. I can, however, understand how it feels to be in a completely messed up situation and not really feel like there is any way out except to ENDURE until a more reasonable future presents itself. I am fortunate to be the female and have prevented the creation of younglings, but I have been divorced once and am for all intents and purposes single once again, so bear that in mind regarding any suggestions or input I can present. I often wonder if I self-sabotage with the mates I have picked.
At any rate, you seem to have a lot of insight on your situation but very little on OPTIONS. Granted, you make excellent points on the limitation of those as well. However, you mentioned a few things I think are important to note. You have mentioned she is prone to emotional breakdowns. She has mentioned and alluded to threats of self-harm and/or suicide as well as harm to your children. Have you ever considered calling the police for a mental evaluation during these times? Does she ever get hostile, dangerous, break things, etc? Does she ever do anything that could be construed as endangering the children, besides the verbalization of threats? Again, call the police. Call the psych ward. Get her committed. These are all things that would require her to be accountable for her actions, make a dang good case for you in the event of a divorce/separation/custody, and would give you more options than simple having to endure her for the next 15-20 years. Also, I am troubled by your assumption that your leaving would prompt a,b,c and therefore, is not wise. As many have said, your children are receptive. They are young now, but you do not want them to grow up in a household where their role models for adulthood AND relationships are based on your incredibly disfunctional marriage. Am I right?? I feel that venting is GOOD and your acknwoledgement of the situation is GREAT but you need to take some accountability as well in the sense that your INACTION regarding this abhorrent relationship can still be just as detrimental as her negative actions. OBVIOUSLY you are a saint in supporting the family, putting up with her less-than-logical actions, and not abandoning your children. HOWEVER, I feel you do have options. You can't fix her, you can't change her mind, and you can't solve this by yourself. This is true. But you CAN do things for yourself. Women do not always win in court. Judges to not always side with the woman. DOCUMENT that you want couples therapy. TALK to a lawyer. Talk is free. Just get a feel for the situation. And, have you ever even TALKED about divorce/separation/custody. Do you know FOR sure, 100%, beyond a shadow of a doubt that if it came down to it, she would WANT the children? As horrible a question as that is? I really feel for you. I wish I could give you some hope or some solace. It sounds like you are handling this as best you can, but honestly, without professional help for HER or YOURSELF, this sounds like a recipe for some sort of disaster far before 15 years has passed. Do something NOW before you start to damage your kids. Do something now before you lose your mind. Do something now before she does something even more inappropriate or, Idk, can she have MORE KIDS?!!! I mean, maybe make sure that first and foremost is not going to happen. Hang in there. Feel free to vent any time. That's why we're here. That's why I joined and it feels better. Toodles.
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|| Does the walker choose the path, or does the path choose the walker? || |
| newname, popuri88, unaluna
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#16
Oct 01, 2015, 02:03 PM
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I couldn't agree more! Don't you happen to know someone who works at the family court? Or have a lawyer friend who, perhaps, can give you realistic expectations? I'm not saying you're wrong to think it's just a waste of time, but a professional may have a good insight and symphatize for your situation. I repeat, if she doesn't want to get help and keeps being nasty at you, then wash your hands. And while I admire you for standing your ground I can't help to think you're not seeing very far ahead. You won't be able to keep the "I'm cool, i'm cool" facade in your own house and your kids will notice, just to begin with. If you and your wife were simply living as roomates in a friendly way because of whatever reason, that would be something... but this is completely different. Your kids will grow witnessing their bitter parents destroy themselves. First, if she doesn't have a job it's not likely that she'll keep the kids. I know judges and the law are prone to paradigms, but this perception just sounds way too off and outdated. And yes, are you 100% she'll want to keep the kids for other reason than affecting you? I insist that you exhaust your options before resigning yourself. It'll pay off! |
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#17
Oct 01, 2015, 03:12 PM
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It's normal to bemoan one's situation when addiction takes center stage.
I cannot say, that I personally lashed out when my own mom had terminal, stage 3/4 Ovarian cancer. Her diagnosis actually occurred during a time in my life, that I'd already begun to renew my own faith. I don't, personally, find such an experience of watching a loved one pass, as an excuse for such described behavior. Perhaps find a way to address such addiction, in your own life? |
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#18
Oct 01, 2015, 03:43 PM
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He would always answer my questions about information I needed with whatever was on the top of his head that he truly believed was the truth.....only for me to find out that he had NO IDEA what he was talking about. At that time I was truly thinking he'd had a stroke or was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's......but since then I have come to realize through my own research what I had been dealing with all those years. He's in denial & honestly, like your wife, he can't even take care of himself......found out he was living on overdraft money to pay all his bills & after I finished dealing with the IRS, I closed the joint account leaving him hanging himself that month. His disability is much more than mine but he's totally incompetent when it comes to anything financial & he actually let the house go into foreclosure (while my name was still on the loan & not divorced yet because of dealing with the IRS. When you leave them, they can still mess with you even 2100 miles away though I have required EVERYTHING be done in written form. I got a new phone # that he will never know after he gave it out to a lending company that he also defaulted on the loan from & I kept getting his calls because he would NEVER answer his phone. Lies, lies & more lies of omission......honestly after years of dealing with it, it does end up taking a toll mentally, emotionally & physically. It's the pits when ending up in a damned if you do & damned if you don't take action. People who are publicly in denial that there is anything wrong are impossible to live with. Interesting because after all the fighting we did, one of his final comments was that he thought I would just continue tolerating him for the rest of our lives  My life wouldn't have been long at that point if would have stayed....by the time I left, I was seeing red whenever I had to deal with him. I thought seeing red was "just a saying"....but found out it's real. Interesting because his parents are in denial that there is anything wrong with him either & blamed all his behavior on ME though all the crap I was living with, his mother dealt with while he was growing up.....definitely denial & refusing to be educated on the subject. He always had an arrogant side of him that actually turned me off & was part of the issues even before the wedding. But like you said.......sometimes the red flags can be logiced away & not wanting to overreact....benefit of the doubt & all that crap & if we had knowledge of the future, we would have definitely done things a LOT different. 20/20 hind sight always reveals the real facts but sometimes that's costly.In reality, we can only do what we know is best at the time we are making our decisions. I know looking back, there are times I have to rethink what logic I was dealing with at the time to have made some of the decisions I made.....but it's logical when I go back to what I was thinking at the time & well thought through given what information I had available.....I am sure your situation is similar.
__________________
Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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#19
Oct 27, 2015, 04:33 AM
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Dude, I really feel for you and more so for your kids. There is no win situation here, just the less damaging option. By leaving, she may hurt herself and you should document all these allegations as you will need them. By the way this is a scare technique she's using because well, it works. By staying you are teaching your kids that it's ok to be in an abusive relationship, it's ok to be put down and that a no holds barred conflict is the norm in relationships. Is that the lesson you want impart on young impressionable innocent minds?
Stop being an effing hero and martyr. The cross you're trying to impale yourself (along with your kids on) is not glued to your body. You can lay it down and your walk through life is gonna be easi-er. Keep the cross and hammer in the nails deeper by the day and see if she cares or changes. And all this for what? So that your kids can spend the rest of their life in therapy? So you can be father of the year? Not. Your pain is obvious through your humor. That's tough You don't care about her and neither does she for you or the kids. Now the question is, do you want to wait over ten years, watch your mental health go down the toilet, divorce after ten years and end up paying this child of a woman $$$ in alimony? Because you will, whether or not you end up with the kids after that point. And if she gets the kids and alimony, you bet your ***** your kids are not going to see any of it. If you think this is bad, wait until you leave or meet someone who gets you to get over your guilt and leave her, and then hell really will break loose. In the meantime, remember: She's took care of you when you were sick, you've paid your penance. People do marry before love. In some cultures love develops after marriage. In your case, this did not happen and it's NOT all your fault. Dude, I'm a woman. When condoms are not an option, there are other options including vasectomy. Put the rose colored classes down. You're being lied to. The risk of bringing another kid to this dysfunction is not worth the hot sex. Unless she has a sex patent, get another willing partner since it's obvious your hand is lacking as well  Quid pro quoFrom what you describe, your wife sounds like an untreated, borderline narcissist. My mother was one. Reading the book walking on egg shells finally made sense of the nonsense. Here's one resource BPDFamily | Borderline Personality Disorder and yet another from huffie. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/virgin...b_5101613.html |
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#20
Oct 27, 2015, 04:47 AM
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If you want your life to make sense moving on, you want to ask yourself of this woman: Knowing what I know about this person if I met her today even though she was the one with the cancer, would I engage in a relationship with her? If the answer is yes, then there's something to salvage. If no, then every extra day you spend with her is a day you choose to suffer. Unfortunately you also make your children suffer too. You've been in this mess for so long that you're starting to lose your logic. Dude, open your eyes. |
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#21
Oct 29, 2015, 08:33 AM
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I'd document everything. the state of the house, the calls from the pharmacy, the emotional outbursts, etc, and seek help on her behalf from medical services. she might be depressed, she might have a personality disorder, she might even be a junky and you never realised.
(because emotionally, you're not available). Maybe, though, more than anything, she needs a break. Hear me out! No job, a distant husband, a kid with behavioural problems, no friends, no Mum for support -- it all adds up. when did you last bring her a bunch of flowers? Compliment her on her hair, her eyes, that cute booty? If you want things to change, maybe instead of hoping she will change, maybe you need to change your way of relating to her. You know you can't force somebody to change -- they have to want to. Stop berating and criticizing her. Nobody dies if there's butter left out on the side, nobody dies if the toys aren't tidied away nicely. Lighten up a bit on her. I know that's not easy, but... give it a go. Set yourself a date in the future when you'll reconsider leaving, and until that date, keep off the subject. Say, you give it six months. in that time... employ a cleaner to come in once a week to keep on top of things. It doesn't cost that much and you wouldn't be so annoyed by the state of the place, then. you could encourage her to go to the gym, or a dance/fitness class every week: help her create some space for herself away from the home. You, too, need something -- a hobby, a regular meet-up with the lads for a beer, whatever. and, regular family time -- making pizzas together and watching a film, or having a picnic and a walk in the park costs very little, the kids will love it, and it means she gets out into the fresh air. if, after all that fresh effort, nothing changes, then, maybe it's time to cut your losses. The kids are growing up learning about love in this space you've created, and you'll kick yourself when your lad brings home a girl who's just like his Mom and you will see it but he won't, and the cycle begins again. |
| Gavinandnikki
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#22
Oct 30, 2015, 07:29 AM
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I'm not one to ask for help unless i'm near death. Not because i'm so "tough", but just because i simply don't feel the need. Quote:
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As for the other partner... Well that's a problem. Not that there haven't been opportunities, some very tempting ones at that, but it's just NOT a good idea. For one it would mean i'd have to tell her about it (i don't do the whole secret love affair thing, not my style), and can you imagine?! She'd go bonkers... Secondly well... actually same reason... she'd go bonkers, period. Besides, i'm not that love-starved really. I'm fine! There are times when i see people who have great relationship, and it does make me feel envious, because I know i have a lot to offer in that department, and it's just being wasted right now. Quote:
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It's hard to think of one and not the other, because they really do go together don't they? Maybe i could have had these same kids with someone else, that would be great, but so would me designing myself to exact specification, being born in the place and to the parents of my choosing, spending my every waking moment doing exactly what i want, having everything unfold perfectly in my life... Yeah all those things would be great, but it doesn't work that way! Quote:
No really i get your point, and I do... as much as she's tormented me, i still see her for what she is, and i do feel sorry for her... But there's nothing i can do for her. I have tried just about anything i can think of, because really, i have every interest in her happiness. If she could find some happiness for herself that would be better for everyone involved, BUT i can't snap my fingers and cause that to happen, she has to do that for herself ultimately, and i'm not sure she CAN. Maybe, and maybe not, we will just have to see, and i will keep trying to help her with that. The thing is that i can't give her what she wants, a loving partner, who will love her deeply despite anything (i don't think this is humanly possible, at least not once you're past 16). Quote:
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I do insist she clean up after herself (and the kids two!), because it's just not livable otherwise. Sometimes it works, sometimes i doesn't... often she complains about having too much work. When things get out of hand i take over. None of this helps. You see on some level she is aware of what she is doing, and it's messing with her. If i don't say anything she will start nagging about the house being messy, if i ask her to clean up she will complain about having to do EVERYTHING, if i do it for her, she will start lashing out and griping about random things only to later start weeping and telling me it makes her feel so worthless that I have to do everything and she doesn't do anything. The only thing that REASONABLY works is if i tell her "let's clean this up together!". Then she's somewhat enthusiastic and cooperates... But then there's other issues... like i can't get anything DONE. Her pace is... snail-speed in reverse. Things need to get done ultimately and i have a hard time standing around waiting for her to finish something (cause you know if i go too fast and do like 90% of everything, then she get's the feeling worthless thing again)... once again, it's like defusing a bomb. Quote:
When you are a messy person, your house is always messy, period. She doesn't need a cleaner, she needs someone to walk after her every waking moment picking up after her. She also piles everything up. Cleaners don't tend to root through personal documents and stuff, but she leaves them everywhere. But yeah, the yearly cleaning is coming up again and so pretty soon everything will be tidy again, you wouldn't believe how much JUNK she accumulates in the period of a year. And really, it's not possible for me to keep things organized all year long... i need to keep the bills from piling up, and that takes most of my time. I also need to raise my kids, and that takes the rest of my time... housekeeping is priority ZERO for me right now. Although i do try to put in SOME effort because i really REALLY don't like messes... and in our home, messes are like roaches, no matter how many you squash, there's a brand new generation waiting to replace them! Quote:
It's not like i haven't talked to her about all this. If i tell her to get a hobby she's like "what should i do?"... I ask her what she likes, she doesn't know... you know it's... like pulling teeth. Quote:
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Just as an update... I'm thinking about selling my house and getting something a little more roomy. It would give us some more time apart, which i feel we (I) really need. I'm thinking about incorporating an office into the house, and letting her do some administrative chores for my business (god i must be on CRACK!!). I wouldn't give her anything "important" at first, just the regular every day crap i otherwise need to root through. It would give her something to do, that's not hard to tiring, and she seems to enjoy doing it. It would also give her an income and maybe she'll even learn to manage it! She's been going through a "good" phase lately so, that's a plus... lately as in the last week A job is about the only thing i can get her out of the house for so... It also gives me the opportunity to let her "succeed" (by giving her easy assignments), and maybe that will boost her spirits and confidence a bit... something she wont have if she takes a job elsewhere (where she'll get real assignments and real complaints). Anyways, might be a horrible idea, or maybe not. She's excited about the prospect, and i asked her to take a course to get her up to speed.. and she's excited about that two! At any length, we will see... I can pack my bags and leave whenever i want, but like i said... right now, i just don't see it. She's not ready, and i'm not ready to give her custody, or even risk it. Maybe steady employment will help her return to a normal lifestyle... Let's hope! |
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#23
Oct 30, 2015, 03:08 PM
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Well I would find out the divorce laws in your state, it's not always 10 years. And your second business is half hers, you started it when you were married. And depending on how you kept your finances she might also own half of your first business. I'm not an expert on these things and laws vary from state to state, so I would get some professional advice. Many lawyers will give you a free initial consultation, but it in a case like yours it would be worth it even if you had to pay for it.
And the LAST thing you want is to be at an information deficit to her, knowledge is power and you need to make sure she doesn't have more power than you do. And a far as you can I would start hording cash, and make it cash and don't let anyone know you have it or make suspiciously large cash withdrawals from your bank accounts. A secret bank account won't help you at all, you will have to declare it.
__________________
“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi |
| healingme4me
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#24
Oct 30, 2015, 09:37 PM
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This was an interesting read.
I sort of agree with some of the points sammo777 brought up, because from reading through your whole OP, it sounds like your wife is/was struggling with depression. I know, I know, we hall have isht in our lives, but MI is legit...when grief turns into clinical depression (or it was there prior to the grief and you have no coping skills), it's a recipe for disaster. I have depression, have had it for 20+ years and always will deal with it but it was so bad at one time that I didn't pick up the house. Heck, I didn't even leave the house--not to go to work, not to go to school, not to get food. Nothing. It isn't an "I don't want to," it's an "I physically can't." Heh, I took a nap in a grocery store parking lot once because getting basics like milk, bread, and TP wore me out. Buying flowers for her mother's grave isn't buying flowers. Compliments given during sex don't count. I may be single, but I know this much is true. Anyway. All of the devil's advocate stuff aside, I really am sorry you're going through this. It sounds like a rough situation all around. I can't imagine being in a relationship where I felt trapped let alone where there are kids involved. I do think that kids catch on better than we all think--they know when something is up. I live in a conservative area where many of my friends would always say, "Divorce is hard on kids...gotta make it work for the kids!" And I say that's a load of horsepoo. I think I'd rather a child grow up in two stable(ish) homes than one dysfunctional one, you know? FWIW, I think it's important to take care of you and your mental/emotional state, or you're running on fumes when it comes to the kiddos. PS Just an aside...it's so frustrating for me to read all of these posts re: women who treat their men like dung, and I'm over here all single, intelligent, fun, (mostly ) functional, reasonably attractive, professional, and financially stable. WT actual F, guys? I don't look at all like a porn star, but I'm sure you would attest--that only goes so far. Not desperate. Just sayin.'
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| healingme4me, Mike_J, Trippin2.0
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#25
Oct 30, 2015, 10:02 PM
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Ruari hit the nail on the head. I'd take a functional single parent household anyday over a loveless dysfunctional "marriage" as far as what's best for the kids, but that's just me.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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