[greenpunkergirl]

My hubby left me about a year ago. I have no idea at this moment why he chose to after we got along the last I ever saw of him, but he did. I struggled with the pain and doubt in myself for quite a while, before the loneliness got to me, and I decided to pursue a committed relationship once again. I met my boyfriend, and was very up front about being married, but going through the process of divorce. He was kind and gentle, and very understanding, at least for a while. Recently he bugged me about the divorce. We have been dating for about five months, but he had seen no serious action taken about the divorce. I blamed it on the lack of money I have been facing, and he dropped the subject. I figured I'd visit my hubby, and talk to him about the divorce. When I got there his mother attacked me verbally, and slandered my name. He and I went off to talk, while his father shouted don't give her money in spanish. I wasn't asking for money, so a part of me found it quite amusing, seeing as I was there to talk about divorce. My husband looked awful, and was far from lucid. I suspect that either drugs or alcohol have played a part in his life. We talked for a very short period of time, and then he handed me the first part of what appears to be a very clean cut no loss divorce. I thought I was happy about this. I don't want to be his wife, but I am upset. I don't understand how this happened, I don't understand why no one tells me about the paper work, I just have to show up and bam here it is? What the hell happened to treating someone as you would want to be treated. I'm not really all that angry at him, I just want to understand his train of thought. Please note, that comprehending his train of thought is difficult, he is certified mentally slow by the state (a fact that was hidden from me until just before he left, as well as the fact that he is super looney tunes!). I don't know how to feel. I also don't know why my bf was bugging me about said divorce, considering he lived with me for a period of time, and knows that the marriage is over. Does anyone have any knowladge or advice they'd care to share?

GPG

[Lemon]

Green, Sorry this is happening like this to you. It sounds like your husband was trying to serve you the divorce papers. It may be different in your state, but in mine this can't come directly from your current husband. It would have to come in the mail from his attorney or be brought to you by someone hired by a lawyer (I think a law enforcement type person). So it seems strange that he could just hand you something.

No matter what was given to you, I strongly recommend you contact a lawyer immediately. I understand that seems expensive and scarey, but this is very very important. You need to be informed of your rights and take the steps necessary to protect them. There are many options for people who feel they can not afford an attorney. Sorry I don't have the websites/phone numbers with me. But search the internet and call your county office. They'll be able to help.

[MyBestKids2]

(((((((greenpunkergirl)))))))

No real advice, except I am glad if you are glad that you finally got the divorce papers. Perhaps you can move on.

Take gentle care,
Dee

[sunrise]

greenpunkergirl, (((((hugs)))))

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he handed me the first part of what appears to be a very clean cut no loss divorce. I thought I was happy about this. I don't want to be his wife, but I am upset. I don't understand how this happened, I don't understand why no one tells me about the paper work, I just have to show up and bam here it is? What the hell happened to treating someone as you would want to be treated. I'm not really all that angry at him, I just want to understand his train of thought.

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What is a "no loss" divorce?

In my state you don't need an attorney to serve the papers, you can have the attorney prepare the papers and hand them to your spouse yourself. Sounds like that is what he did. Now I believe your lawyer must file an official response to the papers within a certain time frame. If you don't already have a lawyer, please get one immediately!

It sounds like your husband is eager to get this show on the road and so he served the papers. Although you may have been content to do nothing for a while, it sounds like he was not and wanted to push forward with the divorce. This is common--the two spouses aren't always in synch on the timing. It would have been nice to give you a warning before handing you the papers, but oh, well, divorcing people don't always do the nice thing.

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I also don't know why my bf was bugging me about said divorce, considering he lived with me for a period of time, and knows that the marriage is over.

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Perhaps he likes you so much he is now thinking of getting quite serious with you or making more of a commitment and wants to make sure you really are "free" to be in a committed relationship. I think it is not uncommon when a relationship gets more serious to spur people to move on with their divorces. My sister was separated for 8 years and didn't get divorced until she became seriously involved with another guy (eventually ended up marrying him). I wouldn't be too hard on your bf--he's probably just feeling insecure about your legal unavailability.

Hang in there. Let your lawyer respond to the papers.