[newromanman]

Hi All. I'm new here to these boards. I was with my ex wife for 19 years, married 15 of those. Been divorced for 1.5 years and separated another 1.5 before that. I didn't want the divorce at all and it utterly devastated me. My life was a living hell and I consider myself lucky to be alive. I desperately wanted us to fight to save our marriage but my ex had made up her mind and wanted out. Three years later and I'm getting better at accepting the fact that my ex is never going to change her mind about us and the only thing left to do is let go and move on. There's a girl I want to start dating openly (and by that I mean tell my daughters (14 and 10) that their dad is seeing someone, but I'm loathe to do it as I'm afraid of hurting them or having it change the dynamic of my relationship with them. My 10 year old has pretty bad anxiety issues, and I certainly don't want to make it worse, nor do I want to sour things with my ex, as we actually get along pretty well considering the situation. I just so desperately want to NOT give a s**t about her at all. To just be able to move on and say heck with her and go live my life. But there are so many unknown variables and I really really don't want to make things hard on my kids. Any thoughts?

[Mike_J]

Is your ex dating, that would simplify telling your daughters if she was.

Things aren't going to get easier with time, I feel you need to find a time and let your daughters know you are dating someone, then give them some time to absorb that before introducing your girlfriend to them.

[newromanman]

Not sure if my ex is dating or not. I don't ask and figure it's none of my business. I don't even know why this is such an issue for me. After all, I'm not the one who ended it. I suppose it's muddling thru the stages of grief.

[Hairball]

Well it boils down to whether or not their opinion matters, they are older and will definitely have their own opinion about it when u do tell them. Are u going to be devastated if they don't want another woman in the picture and than break up with your gf because of that? Just be ready for the negative as well as the positive when u talk with them. Maybe offer options/compromise?

[Erebos]

Not sure how ready you are to be getting involved if your still pining after your ex and your marriage.

Why don't you talk to your girls first, ask them how they would feel if you were to have a girl friend.

Remember even if you do start dating it's not like you would be introducing her to your kids anytime in the foreseeable future. So they would have plenty of time to adjust.

Good luck, all the best.